Hey i am a shy guy and insecure heres my story

Hey everyone just a little about my self i am a insecure guy and i am shy. I am 17 years old and currently in high school. My problem is carrying a conversation, i just don't know what to say my mind goes blank and theres always this awkwardness which i hate. My first relationship with a girl was in grade 7 we were both really shy and i asked to be my girlfriend on msn. We were both really shy and never really talked but on msn. My second girlfriend i tried to break this shyness/insecurity i started talking to yet another shy girl we went out for 2 weeks and broke up i found it extremely hard to keep a conversation as i would have to prepare what to say to her to keep conversations going. My third girlfriend was a hot girl i yet again tried to break the ice i did a little better this was last year, i would force my self to call her and we hanged out for like 2 weeks constantly. When i started running out of things to talk about, things to ask her about it was hard for me to hold a conversation with her. She started talking to me less because i believe she lost interest as i could not keep a convo going, i find it really hard to just be my self, i am always worrying about what other people think. We broke up after a month the longest i ever held a relationship, i believe she got bored of me, i just dont know what to say.

My fear now is getting to know a girl as eventually they will end up being bored of me and hard to keep a conversation with me. I like this girl whos a year younger and i have talken to her briefly because i want to get to know her a bit. She just seems like my type of girl only from observations she plays sports and such. I heard from someone she might be interested, oh yea and another thing is all the girls i went out with i found out previously they liked me first. I guess the reason with that is the security involved knowing she likes you, i want to be able to talk to a girl and have her like me for who i am not just from looking, this is a bit hypocritical of me as i have liked girls just from observation.

I plan to ask her to prom although i don't know her much i plan to get to know her. I have really through the past years trying to break my shell i find i might be doing really well socially and then the next week i am the total opposite. I try to go to social events to try to work on my social skills and just be my self. One thing i resorted to is marijuana i smoke that quite often with a bunch of people where i try to open up. I really dont say much everytime we gather up and smoke, i would be the guy who just agrees, or ask a few questions. I could never really start a conversation or add many things i find that i dont know much about what people are talking about eg; basketball, rap/gangster rap/cars/soccer. I didnt have cable growing up most of my life until recently where i try to tune in to learn a bit more so i could participate more in the conversations.

I find when i drink alcohol i become normal well i act normal and i am that funny guy again and i do everything normal i participate in conversation and sometimes the life of the party. I think its sad that acohol is what it takes to get me to open up, i went to a few parties this year and got really smashed and i would be talking with everyone. The next day at school people from the party try to talk to me and YET i go blank i be like yea yea great party blabla and my mind goes blank not knowing what to say. I am just wondering what are some ways to become more confident about my self, and ways or techniques to work on holding a conversation. I am going to a hotel party soon and i am going to try to socialize to my best ability. I am always paranoid on what other people think about me, i always tell my self you know who gives a * * * * what other people think and just do what ever but i find it hard because these people are really respected by everyone, and i am just some shy guy.

Honestly if i were to get drunk with a girl on a date i would have the time of my life, when sober however its the complete opposite, i am always worried about keeping the conversation going so theres not really awkward periods of time. I find it hard to enjoy my self its more like going to work on a date then having fun its the same when i am going out with someone its more like work and when i do break up theres a huge stress load off my shoulders. I can start talking with this girl and get things going but i am just worried she will get bored of me or think i am some boring guy who doesn't seem to be what he is suppose to be. What are some ways i can do to just be comfortable with her, she doesn't drink acohol, i just want to be my self with her and really love someone.

I want your insight of what you think, a lot of people think i am just some dumb ass or just some dumb ass football player for some highschool team that smokes pot. I am not dumb its just that i don't really try at school, i believe that most of the girls dont bother because i am dumb and they know my history with girls which are short and dont last long. You can say what ever i just needed to say all this because i don't really have anyone to say this too, its already a bit awkward with my dad as we dont talk anymore until recently where were starting to talk a bit more again. For a guy this is not something you tell your best friend, my best friend is also shy. All my other friends are just friends their not anything more because i fail to bond with a lot of people except for some guys on the football team. So i just wanted to get everything out and let you people know who i am. I plan to keep posting on here as a journal and have updates on how things are going with that girl and my insecurity and confidence/shyness.

I know where you are coming from buddy. I was really shy in high school too. Luckily, I had a close group of friends who loved me and brought out the best in me. Friends are the best thing to have to get you to open up.

The world is alot different once you are actually out of high school. Even if you go to College, everything has changed. You kind of see what is really important in life when the background people go away. It gets easier to make friends too, because you have a much wider pool of people to interact with. Alot of people completely change friends altogether when the leave high school (though you dont have to).

The point is, the best way to loosen up is to realize that the more laid back you are, and the more you relax, the more people will be comfortable to approach you.

Just go for it. Girls appreciate a guy who is interested enough in them to take a risk and ask them. Keep us updated.

I am in college, and I am having the same problem too, LOL. It's true that my mind just goes blank, and I just keep asking myself what I am going to say or she may think I am an idiot for approaching her to merely say "hey, how are you?". LOL

A change of attitude is what is required here. With the mindset of having to keep the conversation going, you will get nowhere. Do you have problems with talking to your friends? If the answer is yes, then you do have a problem. However, if you feel at ease when conversing with your mates then you are simply nervous in front of the girls you like. Just treat them like normal. There's no obligation for YOU to keep the conversation. It is, after all, a 2 way thing. It takes two hands to clap.