I'm very sorry this happened. Your head and heart must be reeling. It's not your fault! Yes, you were snippy. Still not your fault! For most people, acting out violently isn't even an option in their head. And you thought your wife was one of these people. And then to see first hand it is an option for her, that would be very disorientating.
You take all the time you need to process. And this will be an ongoing issue that needs more than an apology from her, it needs action. Over time. If you decide you are giving her another chance, she has to earn back your trust and show with action she understands how serious it is.
I find the family reaction really disturbing. Seems as you said, they have normalized violence from women. And that they consoled her - what? No one stood up to tell her what she was doing was wrong? No one consoled you? It seems so wrong to me. And another thing you need to consider going forward. It's not only a her thing, it's a family issue. This is being modeled for your daughter.
Gather your people. Don't go it alone. Hope they get back to you soon. Again, no rush, your wife needs to show understanding that you need time to process. If she doesn't respect that, the issue is even bigger and will require quick action on your part.
Write as much as you need or want to figure this out.
Something that stuck with me from growing up, my mom and dad always repeated to us kids that if someone so much as raised a hand at us when we got into relationships, you leave and don't look back. It's abusive to lash out, it doesn't have to be directly aimed at you. It's a taste of what's to come and the person's sense of right and wrong. I still feel that way to this day. I'm not telling you what to do, but see if you agree and what would you want for your daughter as she grows up. What would you tell her.