What the heck happened?

[berry1204]

My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me a few months ago. I am really unsure of what happened. When we first started dating he was "too good to be true". We fell in love right away. I instantly sensed his insecurities about relationships. He has been cheated on and says that he he trusts no one and that people are always disappointing him. He was very jelous of my past 4 year relationship and was always worried that I would go back to him. I broke up with him 3 months into the relationship because I felt smothered and started having feelings for my old boyfriend again. We ended up getting back together and I was never allowed to forget about how badly I had hurt him by the breakup. He was jelous of pictures that I had under my bed that he found of my old boyfriend and I. He snooped through everything I had. I really loved him!! He was very charming and wonderful. He was constantly showering me with gifts and praise. He started feeling like I didn't appreciate him for how great he was and that I wasn't doing all of the things that he wanted. I really lost myself here!! He picked on me for falling asleep too early at night when I was working and going to school. He said I treated him bad. I felt like I had to lie to him in order to go out with friends even though he would let me but there was always some big blowout over it. I am in couseling now and trying to find my old self again. What happened here? What did I do wrong? I feel bad for always having feelings for an old boyfriend but I don't think I projected that onto the new relationship. ANY help would be appreciated.

[Gilgamesh]

this is just a wild guess but I bet you fell in love "right away" with this person soon after your Ex broke up with you? am I close?

 

You say you sensed your boyfriends insecurities right away, Mmm Id say you sensed your Boyfriends doubts about your love for him, after all, 3 months after you "fell in love right away" you dumped him because of your feelings for your Ex.

 

Im not saying your new guy is in the "right" for what he did, snooping and all that, but he very well had the right to doubt you, as I in that position would doubt very much a person that is still in love with her Ex and has his pictures under her bed.

 

As for your other questions, I feel he was expecting that you show as much interest in him as you did with your Ex. yes he is Insecure, yes he was jealous, but you didnt help much in making him feel special by doin what you did. so that doubt stuck with him. probably the biggest mistake you did was that breakup 3 months into the relationship, that is what set up this whole mess.

 

He should have known better to fall for someone that wasnt over her past relationship, and you should have healed first before "falling in love right away" to fill in a void left by your first Ex.

 

Usually trust is present in a new relationship, break that trust, and its so very very hard to gain back, you broke his trust in you, and how have you tried to gain it back? thats your answer.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

Well Gilgamesh just said most everything that I was going to say. You keep playing games like this and you're going to hurt this guy in a way I don't think you can even imagine. Having pictures of you and your ex under your bead? If he really was snooping then the guy's paranoid, but apparently he had a right to be. A shrink would have a great time with you keeping something like that under your bead. And feeling like you have to lie to your guy to go out? That doesn't say much for the respect you have for the guy. You broke the guy's trust, and your going to have to earn that back. That just might have to lintel giving up going out on occasion for his sake and being so completely open with him that you give him all the painful little details. Here's a little secret about guys. If you uncover everything about yourself, and what you do, and what you think, then they will trust you. If they know that you're going to tell them everything that happens, even if you know it's going to look bad to them, then they'll trust you. Making it look like your hiding something, even if it is of no importance, or letting them find out something on there own that doesn't sound real good will only undermine there trust. Treat the guy like he's just another part of you. If you know it, the let him know it. If there aren't even small secrets, then he has no resin not to trust you. You've given this guy many reasons not to trust you, and it's eating him up. STOP HURTING THE GUY!!!

[slider]

I'll tell you what happened. You didn't respect him in the beginning because of his insecurities and possessiveness so you broke up with him. The thing is NO RESPECT = NO LOVE, you can bet your house on that. You took him for granted, treated him bad and the more he tried, the less you appreciated him. Now that you have no one, you want him back because you're lonely. Am I right so far?

 

You have to ask yourself, "Do I really want him back so he can smother me again and get irritated to the point of frustration?" The answer is NO. Relationships are tough as it is, multiply that by 10 when your partner is insecure and jealous. My advice to you is to move on, let time heal and definitely find someone else.