Frustrated, Confused, and feeling guilty

[music lover 88]

My sister has bipolar disorder and its only been a few weeks since she had this huge episode. She's still recovering, she's not "back to her old self" yet.

 

This isn't the first time that this has happened, she's been in the hospital twice before, having to stay for a couple weeks and be treated. This time she didn't go to the hospital, because we (my family) knew what was happening, and got her to a doctor early enough. Also she is more aware now and recognizes when the symptoms are arising.

 

I'm frustrated because what she went through a few weeks ago, was HORRIBLE. I HATE seeing her in pain, I HATE seeing her suffering. I know its hard for her, but its hard on me too, I don't know how much more I can take. The doctor gave her new medicine, and she's supposed to take it for atleast a month, and see how things go after that.

 

The dilemma is that she won't take her new medicine. She'll take her regular medicine, but she won't take the new one the doctor added during her episode. A side effect of both of the new medicines is increased appetite, weight gain, and dry mouth. My sister has been thin her entire life, and recently she has been gaining weight and its really depressing for her--she can't fit into her clothes, everyone notices. I see this too...in the past it would be normal for her to do other things rather than sit down and have meal, but now she reaches for food at all times during the day.

 

So, my sister is 25 years old. I don't want to be her mother, I am 23. I have all kinds of things going on in my life that need to be taken care of. I can't keep worrying about her. But at the same time I feel really guilty thinking this way. My parents and my sister don't get along. We've had a rough childhood, I've seemed to make amends with my parents, specifically my mom, but my sister hasn't.

 

That doesn't stop my parents from reaching out to her. When my sister had her episode, I urged her to go to my parents house and stay there for a while. Because she needed taking care of, and I can't do that 24/7 for her. She was out of work for two weeks, and during that time I had to take care of communicating with her work, sending necessary paperwork for her leave, contacting her doctor, etc. I stayed at my parents house too, because she doesn't get along with my mom, even though my mom has the best of intentions for her. So, for two weeks, I put everything aside and just focused on my sister, as much as I could, and commuted to work and such when need be.

 

But I can't do this again!! I don't want to go through this again!! I KNOW its ten times worse for her!! I wish she would just take her frickin medicine and figure something out, or call her doctor and have him prescribe something else. I don't want to have to be incharge of all of this. We share an apartment and on the one hand I'm glad that I can be here if something goes wrong, but on the other, I just want to get away. I love my sister so much and I don't want anything to happen to her, but I don't know how much more I can take.

 

Last night she couldn't sleep and started having some preliminary symptoms again...its just so scary. I want her to have peace, I don't want her to suffer but unfortunately these are not things I can control. I just graduated college and I'm applying for jobs everywhere, we may not live together if I end up finding a job out of state somewhere. To me its a relief and a worry at the same time. What is she going to do? She can't live by herself, what if something happens? I don't want to be the one to figure that out though, and she doesn't want to live at home with our parents.

 

AHHH i just want this to end. I want her to be better and all of this to just go away!!

[music lover 88]

My sister just called, her boss sent her home from work

[music lover 88]

I don't want to sound like a bad person, but here I am again...at home with my sister taking care of her. She is again in a crisis situation and I can't do the things I needed to do. When does this end? I cant keep doing this. I have to fill out time sensitive job applications, make lesson plans for teaching next week, etc.

 

I have enough trouble being motivated in my own life problems let alone being set back like this. *sigh*

 

Maybe family is just about sacrifice, maybe I just have to deal with this. She needs me and I have to figure out a way to balance my life so that I can help her. It just seems so unfair!

[flower99]

I am so sorry for all you're dealing with.

And i understand you feel responsible for her But your entire world is revolving around her. And I think that's too much. It's sweet of you to do so much...but you can't do this forever. And I don't think it's healthy for her. There are steps she could take to improve her life & situation.

 

Your sister is a big girl. Regardless of whether she is bipolar or not, she has a life she needs to learn to live. She needs to learn how to take care of herself. Many live with it everyday, she's got to learn to manage it.

 

You're her sister, you support her & encourage her... but she still needs treatment. And I think you've got to draw a line on how much you do for her. Because you have a life you must live. And too much 'helping' her will just enable her not to help herself.

 

Here is a website, that you might find to be encouraging or informative.

You could even pass it on to her.link removed