What should I do? I asked her 3 times now and she said no

[emit_remmus]

I tried starting something with this girl among my group of friends. I've asked her out 3 times now. The first time, I got her number just to hang out, but we hang out with our friends all the time anyway. The second time, I asked her out for pizza, and she was like maybe and "call me". I didn't do anything because that felt like a "no" answer. Following advice from a friend in this group, she told me that I should go for her and ask her with the next thing. For the third time now in asking her out, I asked to go for ride in my car, and she was like maybe on that too, so later I texted her after class and she just decided to go take the bus home and eat.

 

Thats like 3 times now, is that a strike out? I don't know what to do, but I still talk to her because we share the same group of friends and we share a class together. I do not want to get attached to her from my own experience and reasons. She acts very peculiar, and the others say she was way more fun back then. I do know she has never been in a relationship before.

 

Its aggravating because whenever we hang out with everyone, both of us are the spare wheel while everyone's wrestling and kissing while I feel obligated to do nothing with her because I just get the feeling she just isn't attracted to me. At the same time I kinda dig her.

 

What do I do?

[derekjones52]

well its hard to tell from the amount of information thats on here, is she very flirtatious with you? Sometimes girls like to play games and see how much you will chase after her, dont try too hard, i think she knows that you are into her. Just take your time and feel it out, act a little less interested and see what she does instead. OR if you really want to go out with her, just ask her out on a date rather than beat around the bush.

[keenan]

Mmm, I'd probably let it cool for awhile. If she had feelings for you she'd be more eager to hang out alone with you.

[emit_remmus]

Dating at first is old fashioned and just awkward.

No she does not flirt with me as in touching me or staring at me, but I want to believe she is just shy.

So the other day in class, I tried to do something different and not talk to her much because usually I do the talking, while she is there reading her book or drawing something on her notebook. I first said hi how are you, and she is like good, and that was it. I was tired and hopped up on caffeine anyway, but after class she started our conversation by asking me small chit chat questions like how was my weekend and what did I do.

 

I can tell theres a difference between her and a lot of the girls I talk to. Other girls are more chatty and touchy with me.

[CrazyKing]

Stop asking...

[Dating Coach]

You're too timid. You've never asked her out as a date, you've been asking her out as friends. You should have asked her out on a date. Make things clear, none of this half-ssed stuff.

 

Also, you let her get out of the conversation with a "maybe". Where is your flirting? Where is your teasing? You have to make it fun. Not that it would have changed her answer but you need to be a little more open and fun. I would never let someone answer "maybe..." and get away with it. I'd tease them by asking what could possibly be more fun than getting a pizza with me, or some other kind of comeback. Sitting there helpless and not knowing what to do when confronted with a "maybe" just shows your unease with the situation. Show some personality, take control.

[emit_remmus]

The hell with me being timid, its her thats timid. I'm cool.

[Haven]

Maybe it did feel like you were asking her out from your perspective, but if a guy had done the things that you listed above, I would have considered him a friend -- not once would I have thought he was asking me out.

 

With the pizza thing, maybe. But since you never called, she probably just assumed you weren't serious about it. Just go ahead and call her about getting pizza.. if you're concerned about the time delay, just make a humorous apologetic comment about it. If she does like you, she'll be happy that you actually remembered that conversation. Just don't forget to clarify that it's a date!

[CrazyKing]

The hell with me being timid, its her thats timid. I'm cool.

There are always two kinds of timid and cool...

You can be cool in the meaning that you show interest in other people, you have an aim to follow, and then there's the other 'cool' which is mainly an arrogant egoist pretending to be the center of the world...

 

And there are 'sick' timid people who are even afraid of looking at others, and the other timid is somebody who's just a little bit slow in expressing himself...

[Dating Coach]

The hell with me being timid, its her thats timid. I'm cool.

 

No you're not because you're not "asking her out", you've been just asking to "hang out". Plus, you've not been persistent either.

[scotty77]

No you're not because you're not "asking her out", you've been just asking to "hang out". Plus, you've not been persistent either.

 

I think he has been persistent,whether or not she percieved his advances as friends/romantic partner if she had any interest in him at all she would have accepted.I would move onto another woman.

[Dating Coach]

If he isn't making his intentions clear enough then to me he isn't being persistent enough.

[emit_remmus]

Dude, she isn't into me me like that. I'm making the effort with dead end results because today I sat by her in class, told her hello, and commented on some random sticky note she had sticking on her notebook. She gave me one worded answers and continued reading her book. Then I just sat there and twiddled my thumbs. I don't know whats up, but I just can't bring myself to come up with witty come backs with her.

 

After class it was weird because as we walked out I asked her a question which she replied to with more than a few words and the conversation took off from there until we parted ways. I even asked if she wanted to have a smoke with me, and I know for sure she smokes.

 

Now I haven't grown attached to her or anything like that but this just upsets me because it would've been awesome if something started between us because we share the same group of friends, whom are all coupled. It also upsets me because its making me feel insecure as if it were me fault. It might be....see thats what I mean! Insecurity!!

 

What if its my short height? I'm 5"2.

 

Am I not funny enough?

 

Is it because I'm Asian?

 

Is it because of my tone of voice? In the past, a friend has called me "robot" because apparently I'm monotone, which I don't believe, but whatever.

 

Is it because of the clothes I wear? Sometimes I'm preppy, but I reassure myself that I only see clothes as a costume to a degree.

 

Is it because I'm negative? I'm working on positivity and kindness, but not nice-guy kindness!! The gentlemen sort.

 

Is it because I suck at conversation? Give me a break! I'm working on it. I use to be REALLY shy. Now, I get uncomfortable with silence and get the urge to start conversations. I even took up a job as a photographer once, taking pictures for people at clubs and bars.

 

Another thing, I just edited this post 4 times for grammar. Is it because I'm impulsive and socially screwed? I posted something about me being evil a few months back and now this VT shooting happens. Its definitely got me thinking somethings wrong with me. I'm feeling creeped out and sick at myself.

 

I know it sucks, and so I'm taking a break from girls and working on me. That means getting a job, working on my six pack abs, and just hanging out with my friends. Oh and finish strong this semester. Even still I feel obligated to sit by her in that class because I know her.

[Dating Coach]

emit, based upon your last post she's clearly not interested in you even enough to carry a conversation. You yourself said this. So why are you continuing to try to come up with something if you know she's not interested? Do you think you can trick her into liking you? Focus on a girl whom is at least willing to carry a conversation with you.