Hesitant to write about this one

[Beehive]

Hey all,

 

The reason I am a leary of writing about this is because I have before and got blasted. So please just consider feelings in this one. How do you deal with a let down of a once in a lifetime moment? How to you get over something that you have dreamed of your entire life. It can not be recreated and it was ruined? I am stuck because for some reason I can not get over the fact that my fiancee ruined the proposal. I guess, I just want to know how to get over something you so dearly wanted. I want to get over it completely so I don't feel resentment or slighted. Any advice on the topic? I need it. I want to be able to focus on what is important again. I can not seem to.

[terk2021]

beehive,

 

Are you saying he messed up the proposal, or that you are no longer engaged?

[Beehive]

Hey,

 

He messed up the proposal, but we are currently engaged.

[Weeblie]

Perhaps you need to speak to a conselour?

To be bothered by the way someone proposes seems...um...trivial?

Maybe there's something else that is bothering you? And the way you're feeling about the proposal is really a cover for something else that's bothering you.

Maybe you don't want to get married?

[DragonGirl724]

what do u mean??? he didnt 'do it the way you wanted him to' or something??

 

-confused.

[Beehive]

It was not how he proposed. It is that he ruined something I wanted because he got angry about something else. I do not think it was purposeful, yet not mindful. Maybe I am wrong, no one seems to understand my perspective. I don't know.

[Samedy]

I'm confused too. How bad could he have botched it?

[vesper]

Hey,

 

the proposal

 

yep, THAT is the most important thing to get right. I would suggest that you call off the engagement at once. That's my advice.

[sophie274]

Perhaps realize that he did it in a way that was meaningful to him (if it's true!), and that it is that thought that counts, not the "disney movie" appeal of the proposal.

 

if you miss the romance factor, maybe get excited about your wedding plans, where you can create the atmosphere you want!

 

Most of all though, if you're feeling resentful, that's going to negatively affect your relationship. And I would guess it's already taking it's toll on your relationship with your fiance. Take stock of what is happening, and let it motivate you to set your relationship on a "happy path" again by letting go emotionally, and forcing yourself to move on.

 

Good luck!

[Weeblie]

It was not how he proposed. It is that he ruined something I wanted because he got angry about something else. I do not think it was purposeful, yet not mindful. Maybe I am wrong, no one seems to understand my perspective. I don't know.

 

Maybe no one understands because you're too vague. What happened?

[Beehive]

I guess I just need advice on how to get over something that was important to me. No matter how trivial it may seem to the world isn't the main point. I want to move on and deal and lead a happy life. I am really not superficial, but maybe can't let go of an expectation.

[Beehive]

I am sorry for the vagueness of my thread. I am not really good with letting my feelings out on here and I am afraid of the reaction I will get. Here goes. My boyfriend and I agreed not to get anything for our anniversary (dec 31) because we spent alot on xmas. Well, he told me that he got me something anyway and that it would be after our anniversary. I said, will you tell me what it is on that date anyway and he said yes. Well on December 31st my eyes popped open and I woke up and wanted to know what it was. He told me he didn't have it yet and I said, yes but you said you would tell me what it was. He said he didn't want to tell me anymore so I got upset. He knew I was upset. Then he rolled over in the bed, looked at me in annoyance and said, I got you a ring OK. Hence ruining my surprise. I don't know why it bothers me so much. sorry if this makes anyone angry. I just want advice.

[sophie274]

Do you think he might want to do a re-do (another proposal)? There was a poster on here a couple of months ago who was in a similar situation - she and her boyfriend decided to try another proposal. (Not sure if I am allowed to do this so please delete if not mods: the poster was Scotcha, you can look up the thread).

[Samedy]

Are you sure you're not upset with yourself?

 

No offense, but it sounds like he did what you said you wanted and now you are annoyed/hurt by that.

 

To get over it? Tell him. Be sure to tell him you don't necessarily blame him but this is how you feel. Don't blame him though, that will make him defensive and a fight could ensue.

[terk2021]

Hey all,

 

The reason I am a leary of writing about this is because I have before and got blasted. So please just consider feelings in this one. How do you deal with a let down of a once in a lifetime moment? How to you get over something that you have dreamed of your entire life. It can not be recreated and it was ruined? I am stuck because for some reason I can not get over the fact that my fiancee ruined the proposal. I guess, I just want to know how to get over something you so dearly wanted. I want to get over it completely so I don't feel resentment or slighted. Any advice on the topic? I need it. I want to be able to focus on what is important again. I can not seem to.

 

 

Beehive,

 

I can't speak for every man, but we envision proposing only once in a life time. We think we have it down, exactly how we are going to do it. When you get to that moment, you never know exactly how it is going to work. I proposed to my ex-fiance (another long story I really don't want to post about) and it was incredible. It really does not matter as much as how he proposed, as it mattered if he got on one knee, looked up in your eyes, and asked you to marry him.

 

If you have that, then let go of the specifics of the proposal. It's probably one of the hardest things for a man to go through in his life. That moment when you ask someone to spend the rest of your life with them is tough.

 

If you love him, then let it go. There may be more to the story, but have fun and enjoy your engagement, and look forward to spending the rest of your life with him.

 

Terk

[vesper]

Im sorry, I think I missed something. what EXACTLY did he do wrong that is on your mind. ? sorry I am not really one for digging into people's past posts.

[Beehive]

Hey Vespar,

 

He just ruined the surprise because he got angry at me. I feel like a superficial F&^%, but I don't know how to move on. I always wanted to be totally surprised. I am not a girl of many fantasies and that was one of mine.

[vesper]

Hey Vespar,

 

He just ruined the surprise because he got angry at me. I feel like a superficial F&^%, but I don't know how to move on. I always wanted to be totally surprised. I am not a girl of many fantasies and that was one of mine.

 

hey Beehive

 

why did he get angry at you?

[Cassie]

Well, the whole situation is rather vague, so I apologize if my answer comes accross vague as well. I can only think of one word;

 

forgiveness

[Weeblie]

Ack! That was dumb of him.

I think you should just try to block that memory out of your head. Just forget it ever happened. And if you start to think about it, try to change your thoughts on to the excitement of planning your wedding! It's not easy, but after some time you'll look back on what happened and think...that was lame, but it won't bother you as much.

 

I'm sure there'll be plenty of special moments you'll share in the future with him. Just remind him to keep it a surprise.

[vesper]

Well, the whole situation is rather vague,

 

That's the problem! How can we help her if she can't pinpoint EXACTLY what it was that set her off? Come On beehive! You can do it!

 

You wanted it to be a surprise, then he got angry and ruined it. WHY?

[Weeblie]

hey Beehive

 

why did he get angry at you?

 

He got angry because she wanted to know what the surprise was, first thing when she woke up.

Then he ruined the surprise by telling her what he got her without any of the specialness that comes with a proposal.

 

HE JUST ROLLED OVER AND SAID I GOT YOU A RING!!!!

 

no romantic setting, no down on one knee, no little speech about how he loves her...yadda yadda yadda

[vesper]

and he told her? If he got angry for that then he is a LOSER. Lose him fast and run the other way and find someone else who is clever enough to keep the surprise a surprise until the last absolute second. REALLY!

[Weeblie]

and he told her? If he got angry for that then he is a LOSER. Lose him fast and run the other way and find someone else who is clever enough to keep the surprise a surprise until the last absolute second. REALLY!

 

I don't think he was angry, just annoyed. Seemed like a dumb move on his part.

But I'm just assuming this from what Beehive wrote.

[vesper]

I don't think he was angry, just annoyed. Seemed like a dumb move on his part.

But I'm just assuming this from what Beehive wrote.

 

BEEHIVE! is this something that you think is NOT forgivable, or do you believe that you can move forward and marry him without EVER looking back at this slip up. If your answer to the latter part is yes, then I think you need to let this mishap go. congrats on your engagement BTW!