EmptySoul Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 I started talking to a guy on myspace a little while back. He lives in the same town as me and had went to my high school so we decided to meet. We hit it off really well and he ended up asking me out. I have committment issues but said yes and everything was going really, really well. (He's the first guy I've agreed to date in over 2 years.) We have a lot in common and he's great. Yesterday he had court for a drug charge from when he was like 17, he's now almost 21, they'd kept calling continuances. His lawyer had thought he'd only get probation but he got 6 months, maybe 3 1/2 if he gets out on good behavior. I didn't even get to talk to him yesterday because my phone was out of service, I got to hear a voicemail from him, and I accidentally deleted that. I don't know what to do now, I'm used to seeing him every day, him calling me and texting and now I just feel...lost. I think he's worth waiting for, if that's what he wants to do but it will be hard to have a relationship with someone in jail. I'm hoping to at least get to visit him or write him or talk on the phone... Has anyone been in this situation before? I just feel sick to my stomach, 6 months seems to stretch on forever...god it's so long... -E. Link to comment
Scout Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Has anyone been in this situation before? I just feel sick to my stomach, 6 months seems to stretch on forever...god it's so long... Yes, I have. But our relationship was already on the rocks, in fact, we had just broken up, so he knew I wasn't waiting for him, I was just going to be a source of friendship and support while he was in jail. And someone to write letters to, I guess. If your relationship has been good, and he's otherwise got a grip on his life, then you can give it a shot. This could just be his one big mistake that he's now paying for. However, it could also be a sign of serious irresponsibility, so you'll have to weigh this out very carefully and come to your own conclusion which one it is. Link to comment
DN Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Depending what the actual offence was it is highly unlikely he would go to jail for a first offence at the age of 17. I would make sure this guy is telling the truth about his criminal record. Link to comment
jengh Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Depending what the actual offence was it is highly unlikely he would go to jail for a first offence at the age of 17. I would make sure this guy is telling the truth about his criminal record. that's exactly what I was thinking. I found it to be very odd.... Link to comment
Scout Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Depending what the actual offence was it is highly unlikely he would go to jail for a first offence at the age of 17. I would make sure this guy is telling the truth about his criminal record. Good observation! Link to comment
kirika Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 well yes its a long time but think of it as long as u care bout eachothe its all good.. its never ever easy to be away from a lover.. i had a situation where my bf went to another county.. seriously it gets harder n harder but.. think of the day you see him.. it will be sooo special, this is onli testin how much you care about one another and its your time to shine with him n ur heart Link to comment
kirika Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 Depending what the actual offence was it is highly unlikely he would go to jail for a first offence at the age of 17. I would make sure this guy is telling the truth about his criminal record. thats a good observation tho.. maybe he doesnt want u to think badly of him so he doesnt wanna say Link to comment
mintblossom Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 if a guy mentioned jail to me...my butt would be out the door so fast. Link to comment
ashorreal Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I agree with the observation, I would ask him exactly WHY he was going to jail. At the age of 17, and for a drug charge, people arn't usually sent to jail...? I think maybe he is lying, which is an issue I would be more concerned about. Also, is the behavior that got him into jail in the first place completely over? I would feel weird about knowing my bf has been to jail. Won't this effect your future also? Effect his employment chances, what if you two want to go overseas down the line and can't because of his priors? I think that if you honestly think he is worth the wait, then wait, after all, it's not ever day you come accross someone really special - but don't be blind to love. Link to comment
jengh Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I agree with the observation, I would ask him exactly WHY he was going to jail. At the age of 17, and for a drug charge, people arn't usually sent to jail...? I think maybe he is lying, which is an issue I would be more concerned about. Also, is the behavior that got him into jail in the first place completely over? I would feel weird about knowing my bf has been to jail. Won't this effect your future also? Effect his employment chances, what if you two want to go overseas down the line and can't because of his priors? I think that if you honestly think he is worth the wait, then wait, after all, it's not ever day you come accross someone really special - but don't be blind to love. Yeah, unless it was a harder drug, the most he would get, if this was his first offense, would PROBABLY be 6 mos probation and some community service. What kind of drugs are we talking here? I'm assuming it's a marijuana charge, which is bad enough as it is. If it's something even worse, I would seriously consider moving on... you don't want to be caught up in the drug scene. Link to comment
jengh Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Empty soul, I just read your xanga (from the link in your signature).... sweetie, I know you feel like life sucks right now but you can't be doing blow and god knows what other drugs. being in a relationship with this guy is toxic. you need to get out. you need to get your GED first and foremost. I know exactly what you're going through. I went through the bad depression/drug phase/cut phase... it seems like it will never get better. have you tried talking with a doctor? your mom? anyone? i'm not saying this to lecture you, i'm saying because i'm concerned and don't want you messing up your life. Link to comment
EmptySoul Posted April 2, 2007 Author Share Posted April 2, 2007 I realized I wasn't specific enough with this post and I needed to include more information. First, I've verified with his mother, who was at court with him, that he told me the truth. He got in trouble for possession of marijuanna, and he took the fall for his ex girlfriend who happened to have pills in her car, ecstasy I think. I wouldn't want to be with someone who repeatedly got in trouble with the cops but this was his first and only offense. People are thinking this boy is bad for me because of drugs...I've been into drugs and things for a while, dealt with depression and committment issues. This boy, he deals with a lot of the same things, but he makes it feel okay to be sober, and he says I do the same for him. There's no real way to explain it... -E. Link to comment
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