Guys- what about the "Grand Gesture"?

[amtjrtcet]

Never had any grand gestures in my life.

 

Can't say I am missing them. For me they are something that only exists in the movies. I don't crave any grand gesture at all.

 

I agree. In "Jerry Maguire" when Tom Cruise professes his love for 'whats her face' in front of all those women and says the whole "you complete me" bit....Its cute and it always makes me smile, but its not for me.

 

In real life I think I'd find it cheesy

[JEAB]

So the guy I'm considering the gesture about has made his own sweet GRAND Gestures in the past.

i.e.

I collect tea pots- he can do pottery- he MADE me a tea pot for Xmas.

 

I was working in a general space art studio- bad music was being played- he knew what music I liked- in his private studio- he put in my fave CD-

cranked it.

 

and on and on. . .

 

Those little things are creative and grand.

 

I'm still up in the air about my gesture. HELP MORE!

[pianoguy]

Why are you obsessing about this guy? I think it's pretty clear that he's not interested in you. Leave the poor man alone.

 

If you want to be "just friends" then drop him an e-mail or something.

[Scout]

Why are you obsessing about this guy? I think it's pretty clear that he's not interested in you. Leave the poor man alone.

 

JEAB, I know that probably wasn't easy for you to read, but I'm afraid I have to agree with it, as well. I feel if you pursue this, you are setting yourself up for major humiliation, and frankly, would be crossing a line. When someone has shown quite clearly they aren't interested in the same thing you are, there is a point where you have to accept the situation.

 

What seems to be holding you back from accepting this, hon? Is it possible that you are unhappy in other areas of your life, and looking towards this guy as a lifeline? If so, I can understand the urge to escape from reality by fantasizing someone else can magically cure it all...but when you get so wrapped up in that, you end up neglecting your real life.

 

This relationship with this guy seems over. It's time to move in a new direction in your life...don't you think?

[JEAB]

Your right, your right, I know your right.

 

No one wants to stop eating ice cream even though you know its bad for you.

So either you indulge until you have guilt and remorse and feel bad. OR,

you eat it knowing its the best its gonna ever taste RIGHT NOW in this MOMENT to hell with consequences.

 

We all have fantasies of everything being exactly what we want.

What I have is not what I want.

What he is, is what I want- but he should be a man and say "I don't want you-

in any capacity." Because he can't say anything, he hasn't said anything- these acts of desperation and grand gestures seem necessary to make the point.

 

AS of now- I just sent a "miss my buddy" email.

[Scout]

.

What he is, is what I want- but he should be a man and say "I don't want you-

in any capacity." Because he can't say anything, he hasn't said anything- these acts of desperation and grand gestures seem necessary to make the point.

 

Ok, well what I see in these statements is that you would be going up there out of anger and insistence...not out of true caring. You are demanding something he does not owe you. And frankly, his silence has told you he doesn't want you...you don't need words to seal the deal. His actions are speaking loud and clear...but you don't want to listen.

 

Again, I think focusing on this sitatuation is distracting you from the important things in your life you should be trying to better. I see no productive purpose in continuing to hope for this guy to come back in your life again, and certainly no productive purpose in going to his town and making him acknowledge you.

[ghost69]

i'm not big on the movies scenario thing. i do like the concept of standing in the rain talking to the chick up in the window. i've always wanted to be the guy standing in the rain professing my love.

[anna_k]

I think it's cute in the movies.

 

Has anyone here seen 'Love Actually'? Its a movie FILLED with Grand Gestures. I like the scene with Kiera Knightley and that guy with the cards at her doorstep. I don't think I'd find that cheesy...

 

But the thing is, once you've resorted to a final grand gesture, at least you know. Regret is not what you have done, but what you haven't. I always like to walk from situations thinking 'Well, at least I tried everything. Don't have to think about the what-ifs.' Yeah your ego might be shattered for awhile but I'd take that over months-years of regret.

[ghost69]

if you are in love and want someone, whatever you do should be your own grand gesture.

[pianoguy]

Jeab- I really need to level with you, I don't think you're being entirely rational about this.

 

Obviously you are very unhappy in your current marriage, for whatever reason. But you seem to think that this new guy, who isn't even interested in you, is going to solve all your problems and make up for all your unhappiness in your current marriage. Life doesn't work that way.

 

I know that fantasies die hard, but you really need to bring yourself back to earth before you hurt more people. If you want to be friends with this guy, be friends with him. But you need to seriously consider your own marriage and your own life. The very last thing you should be thinking about right now is "grand gestures."

[JEAB]

Jeab- I really need to level with you, I don't think you're being entirely rational about this.

 

Obviously you are very unhappy in your current marriage, for whatever reason. But you seem to think that this new guy, who isn't even interested in you, is going to solve all your problems and make up for all your unhappiness in your current marriage. Life doesn't work that way.

 

I know that fantasies die hard, but you really need to bring yourself back to earth before you hurt more people. If you want to be friends with this guy, be friends with him. But you need to seriously consider your own marriage and your own life. The very last thing you should be thinking about right now is "grand gestures."

 

Thanks PianoGuy- that means a lot coming from someone who is 22- because he is 23- so you may have a more parallel perspective on it.

No, I didn't go there this past weekend. And yes, I did e-mail a "miss my buddy" email. I realize he's working on his thesis, but I haven't heard back and its been 5 days. As much as I don't want to admit it- for whatever reason- its over.](*,)

[Scout]

No, I didn't go there this past weekend.

 

Good! I'm proud of you!

 

I haven't heard back and its been 5 days. As much as I don't want to admit it- for whatever reason- its over.](*,)

 

Ok, so you truly are at a juncture where one direction is closed off for good. As I asked you in a previous post...what is the new direction you are going to take to find some happiness in your life?

[JEAB]

When my son finishes high school I'm leaving- going somewhere far- and find someone new- however my "ex-friend", has certainly raised the bar for me-

I may be destined to be alone.

[Scout]

When my son finishes high school I'm leaving- going somewhere far- and find someone new

 

And in the meantime? Any other plans?

[JEAB]

And in the meantime? Any other plans?

 

Get my Masters degree- get my oldest into college.

[underpantsandy]

Those are all movies.

 

What about real life?

 

Hi All, Im a guy (31)... I truly believe in the grand gesture, especially since society's morals have changed... people are no longer "a man" of their word... it is so easy for a guy to tell a girl he cares about her, but words are cheap.

 

I have made a few grand gestures in my life, but the one I was most proud of went as follows...

 

My girlfriend was in University at the time. One day, when she was in the bathroom, I grabbed her phone and obtained the phone number for her friend who studied with her.

 

I asked her girlfriend to count how many rows down, and how many seats in, she was sitting while in a 1 hr lecture. I organised for my florist to deliver 5 dozen long stem red roses, directly to her, in the middle of her lecture. Her girlfriend had sms'd me the details of where she was sitting.

 

My girlfriend was absolutely blown away It made me so happy to make her happy like that... no one had ever done something like that for her before (and we've broken up now, so chances are, she may not again)

 

Even though the relationship ended, I am glad I made the grand gesture... it is a nice memorey for me, and I am sure it is for her as well.

 

I do have a question for the group though...

 

I am deeply in love with a lovely girl, who I dated for 4 years. We were best friends, and shared all of our feelings. I could not have imagined that someone could make me so happy... but unfortunately, after 4 years of being together, she told me that it just wasnt right for her, and we broke up. Obviously I was devistated, and still am 15 months later...

 

One side of me wants to remain loyal to the love I hold for her, and wait for her eternally... the other side of me tells me to be realistic and move on and let her be. I honestly want the best for her, even if that means letting her go.

 

What should I do? Should I fight for her, or give up? (my nature is never to give up on anything).

 

She is such a lovely girl, and I love absolutely everything about her. She loves animals, as I do, she has a sense of humour, I always feel comfortable with her, she is creative (she is a great artist and makes jewellery... speaking of such, if anyone wants some great jewellery or art, she sells it online link removed or link removed)

 

There is nothing I wouldnt do for this girl, but at the same time, I would rather sacrifice my happiness for hers...

 

What should I do?

[underpantsandy]

I think it's cute in the movies.

 

Has anyone here seen 'Love Actually'? Its a movie FILLED with Grand Gestures. I like the scene with Kiera Knightley and that guy with the cards at her doorstep. I don't think I'd find that cheesy...

 

But the thing is, once you've resorted to a final grand gesture, at least you know. Regret is not what you have done, but what you haven't. I always like to walk from situations thinking 'Well, at least I tried everything. Don't have to think about the what-ifs.' Yeah your ego might be shattered for awhile but I'd take that over months-years of regret.

I agree with you... it is better to try and fail, than to wonder "what if..."