Communicating w/Your Ex

[Mstyiyd]

I have a question concerning NC, and being friends w/your ex.

 

My ex broke up w/me bec she said she was vulnerable when we were together, she had just gotten out of an LTR, still wanted to be friends of course, & we've had two periods of NC within the past 2yrs. I feel like she basically uses me to hang out with alot of the time but I am probably the only true friend she has. And yes, I still have feelings for her--why I don't know, but they're there....I have never told her nor acted on them.

She has other ppl she hangs out with, but mostly to drink/party. She is in her 40s but acts like she's in her 20s. She has not dated anyone in the past 2yrs since we've been together but I know she looks. Not sure why she hasn't dated yet, w/all the partying she does. And yes, she does work fulltime. I have other friends, good ppl I spend time with, and i do go out and do my own thing. I'm a professional woman and my friends tell me I can do much better, but I always tell ppl we are just friends.

 

I usually let her initiate contact between us bec she has a history of freaking out if/when ppl ask if we're together, and always telling me not to read into anything, we'll never be together, she regrets ever getting involved w/me, etc etc. One can only bear to hear this so many times, so that is why I let her do the calling. Sometimes I'll pick up the phone but I'm careful.

 

We've been reconnected for @ 6months now, since we ran into each other and ended NC. I had implemented it bec she hung up the phone on me and I was tired of being treated like this. So, last wkend I knew she was going to be out partying all wkend bec of the holiday. My instinct told me she wasn't going to ask me to join in, so I went ahead a wk ago and made other plans, which I kept. I haven't heard from her in @ 5days now, very unusual given that we have been talking almost daily all this time. I'm not wanting to call her, bec I feel I give this 'friendship' way more than any person should. I'm pissed with her but not going to address it w/her bec I get no where and I don't want her thinking I don't have a life. I know that she found out I went out on Friday, bec she told a mutual friend she'd "heard that". I'm not a big partier, but I went out Fri bec I didn't want to go party on Sat, since too many ppl in public acting like idiots is not fun for me. I went to a dinner party w/friends instead and had a great time. Then she asked this friend, if they had heard from me over the wkend. Why would she do that? I also didn't want to go out on Sat bec the place I'm referring to is where everyone goes in our town and I didn't want to run into her there when she hadn't invited me.

 

It sounds odd, I know if i really wanted to go there I could have, but it feels weird for me to go when we talk daily and hang out all the time, and she usually ignores me or acts distant at this place when we do go there together. Am I right for not calling? If and when she calls, I'll act cool, not like I'm overly excited to talk to her. I just wondered why she's stopped the calls so suddenly. She prob was surprised I went out on my own on Fri, but I don't know...........exes are weird.........i guess they are exes for a reason............

[robowarrior]

If you ask me you two have communication problems, you need to be in tune and on the same frequency, since people don't have crystal balls, they need to inform eachother probably on what's going on in their lives, including their wants and needs to understand eachother. But yes, the exes are exes for a reason, they are ex because their where problems in the past that remained unresolved, so unless these problems are resolved its not a good idea to be involved with them, it would just lead to the same pain or ending up in a break up again.

[Mstyiyd]

I know...I am an outgoing person but when it comes to my ex, I clam up because she has verbally rejected me so many times, or tells me not to read into things (I don't ask her what she does, where she goes, or even initiate us hanging out too often bec we typically hang out when SHE wants to).........I feel that if she initiates calling me, it is like the only way I see her putting any effort into this so-called "friendship" we have.

 

It sucks. Sometimes it feels like it's not even worth my time. Kudos to those who can make friendships w/their ex(es) work. For me, I don't think I can emotionally handle it.