TOO good at no contact

[MasterT]

It boils down to what level of emotional response you get when you think about these scenarios. If you feel incredibly depressed after visualizing a scenario with your ex not working, then you are not ready. You should be able to handle any negative scenario with complete strength, composure, and emotional control. It should just roll off your shoulder.

 

I am not saying not to have any feelings. After all, if you have none, then there is no point in NEC is there? I am just saying you've got to have full control over them at this point. That means no gushers, no uncontrollable bouts of depression over losing the one you love.... You have to be happy and be in love with yourself and your own life first.

 

Yes attraction may reel back in some feelings, but the difference should be that now you can control them vs. letting them control you.

[Siriana]

 

As long as you think when you should contact him - the answer is do not contact him.

Oh, and by the time you stop asking should I contact him - you woan't feel the need to contact him.

 

I worte that in my first post. Yeah, catch 22.

[kate111]

Isn't having feelings and not reacting to any visualisations contradictory?

[kate111]

 

As long as you think when you should contact him - the answer is do not contact him.

Oh, and by the time you stop asking should I contact him - you woan't feel the need to contact him.

 

I worte that in my first post. Yeah, catch 22.

 

 

Yeah it is. I suppose you have to leave it in the hands of fate to bump into each other again.

[1forthegipper]

Kate111,

 

Think about an ex from years ago, a previous ex. If one day you contacted them you'd contact them with the notion that you'd be fine with whatever they had to say because you're healed, your heart is 100% and you're happy. You reach out to them because you still care and love them and you know what feelings you had for them.. You're understanding that it is possilble that one day if you were both on the same page and single that maybe sparks could fly again...

 

This is the point of NEC..and there is another post here in ENA about falling out of love... When you love someone you love them PERIOD!!! that doesn't mean you get over them and move on and forget about them. You will always love them adn will have feelings for them. It's how you get out of the depression and heartache that lets you think with a clearer mind and understand that reconciliation with an ex is possible but if not either way you'll be ok with yourself.

 

NEC does not mean contacting an ex when you don't care anymore, it means contacting an ex and loving yourself FIRST!!! so whatever happens after the contact you'll be ok and respect your ex's wishes and walk away happy BUT still love the ex!!!

 

A good example of this is my ex of 10yrs ago. We talk almost everyday since she's heard of my breakup. She's married two kids and talking to her I still love her...that will never change. She reached out to me because obviously she still cares and loves me enough to do so... Does it mean reconciliation??? No but the love is still there and you never know what the future holds....that's called NEC....and no one ever falls out of love....

 

Tha Gipp

[kate111]

Thank you for that 1forthegipper. You make some great points that I hadn't thought of before. I think all of the exes that I consider serious, I would always have a certain place in my heart for. Although one of them cheated so I can't imagine sparks flying again.

 

There are a couple of exes that I supposedly loved at the time but could not imagine being with again. In fact I can barely remember them- isn't that sad? In fact when I really think about it, there is one guy I dumped who I thought I was in love with at the time, but I feel vaguelly revolted with the idea of him now. Isn't that terrible?

 

But people do fall out of love don't they? What about people who ditch their wives after 10 years and get a new girlfriend. Do they fall out of love?