im only 15 but have fallen for my 20 year old mate what should i do?

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

how would u know wat i know and dont, you dont know me, and i know him really well hes one of my best mates and i trust him more then anyone.

 

and i do love him, and im syre of that, and most people that know say im in love and i know they wouldnt lie to me

[avman]

A reminder to stay on topic and be respectful of each other when you are posting.

[mary1980]

hi darl i know exactly how you feel. My very first boyfriend had just turned 20 and i was 14. I was so in love with him. We were together for 4 wonderful years. Even if your relationship didn't work out you are still young and you might fall out but years later you will be mates again. My first boyfriend and i are closer today than what we were whilst we were together. But however I would also suggest to be extremely careful about how far you go with him. You should never feel pressured that you have to do anything with a guy no matter if he is alot older than you or the same age. I hope this helps

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

yeh it does help thnx, im gald u know how i feel, and he wouldnt make me do anything i dont want to, he tells me everyday that if i dont want to do something just say and we wont, hes very understand, and is caring. hes so lovely

[KatieChiv]

My honest advice:

if all he talks about is sex, then it won't work. I understand completely that he makes you feel special but if he really likes you then sex won't be the only thing that unites you. I'm 17 and met my current boyfriend when I was 15. He is 6 years older than me and when we first started going out he let me know I was special to him by telling me he would wait until I was ready and comfortable before we started a sexual relationship. Try asking him, see if he'd be willing for that.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Well if I can not get you to hold fire until 16 or later let me offer some advice,

Ask him to take a HIV and complet STD test, hep C and D, as a Adult you can see why this would be a good idear, hes had sex befor and if he says not its still a good idear. Also tell him is safe sex or no sex, as you say you dont wont children yet again that would be a very adult thing to do.

 

I hope is not a big drinker or into drugs best ask him about any habbits he may have as well, Again ask any Adult here and they will yell you thats aways the best way of starting out, no shocks latter.

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

firstly he said he would wait for me he said that with out me asking him, and secondly he does drink but not alot, and he does not do drugs we have no secrets from each other, i know everything bout him and he does me

[Spugly Fuglet]

I see so you dont actually know his HIV or STD status, If he as had sex befor then he would have to know his sexual partners HIV and STD status fully as well. I mean he could never be 100% sure unless he has had a full set of test.

But you did not say he has all you said was you know every thing. But how could you know this one fact if he has not been tested. Now a Child whould say "What do I care, well be ok hes fine, he would not do that to me but look throw here and you will see thows who have found out to late that there belife was missplaced. An Adult know that blind faith is just that plaind to the facts. So why not ask him if as you say he has no secrets then eh would be happy to do this for your and Adult would. Love is a wonderfull thing but life is not a farytail life is full of hard nocks and getting to see them befor they hit is part of being an Adult. So whats it to be blind faith or a grown up view?

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

coz hes not like most guys his ages, and i know he hasnt got HIV or STDs, he said he hasnt and i believe him, yeh i do love him, and he does say he loves me he tells me that everyday and has told some other people.

 

and yeh we do mainly talk about sex, but thats not the only thing we talk about, and most of it is just me finding out things so its me asking him not him bringing it up in convosation, and we do talk bout other things besides sex, and thats not all he wants, if it was he woulnd of told me what we do and how far we go was up to me, he wouldnt of respeted my wish that i was going to wait until i was 16 before i slepted with him or anyone, he wouldnt say any of those things he said to be bout doing wat i want and stopping when i want to, hes not like most guys that would ignore the girls feelings, he acctaly cares how i feel bout things, wat i think bout it all, he does generaly worried how i am bout it all and does look out for me, hes not only after sex, he does care and LOVE me many people have told me that and so has he, and i believe everyone of them, coz none of them, not even him has eva lied to me before.

[dcl222]

15 is too young to be making these decisions. Please confide in your mother or other adult friend you can trust. This guy will always tell you great things and make you feel extra special until he gets in your pants. Be warned and stay away. Tell him to wait till your 18.

[Spugly Fuglet]

15 is too young to be making these decisions. Please confide in your mother or other adult friend you can trust. This guy will always tell you great things and make you feel extra special until he gets in your pants. Be warned and stay away. Tell him to wait till your 18.

 

Well put ............

[Aleadragonhawk]

See the tests before you agree to have sex without a condom. It's very common for people to lie about having STD's - most often, they haven't been tested and assume that they are clean.

[Brooke657]

I understand where your coming from with all of this because when I was 16 I had a boyfriend who was 20 and I thought we were just like totally in love. Since then I've realized that I was a very stupid girl. I thought that we didn't have secrets and he didn't lie to me and then one day I found out that he had alot of secrets he decided he didn't need to share with me. Most call it me being stupid I like to call it a learning expirence either way it was a mistake. I think your making a big mistake with this guy. Your almost 16 so no your not a child but I don't think your ready to make decisions like that. He might say he's gonna wait for you but he probably won't and if he's not getting it from you he'll find some other chick that'll have random sex with him and I would say let him. Don't get pressured into anything. 16 is way to young to make a decision like that. I don't think you really understand what kind of consequences there could be. Jordan's right though, you don't know everything about him he might have secrets. At 20 guys are sketchy lol, not all but most. Just be careful because this could end up really bad for you.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Here's what worrys me, in the UK we have laws that make it crime for an Adult to "Groom" a child (like you say your not a child but it laso means teen under 16) for sex, from you have said Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal! this is just what your secret 20 year old bf is doing. I know you care for him but to an out sider like me he's braking a very inportent uk law, that's do he's all for keeping this secret becouse he knows what he's doing is wrong and he can go to gail for what he's been doing.

basically your dating a manipultive criminal. He's lieing to the rest of us in the UK so why do you think he would not lie to you, To tell you the truth I'm really worry about you, this man knows what he's doing is wrong yet carrys on which means he has an agenda, At 20 he sees 15 year olds as sex objects and is willing to brake the law to get what he wonts, the child grooming laws what inacted to stop just such manipulation of teens like your self by men like this, They start by saying hi, move on to your not happy, to you can all ways talk to me, to you can only talk to becouse only I understan, To your not like other girls that's why I like you, to if you like me show it, to, sex talk but it hast to be secret becouse no one understands "US" to lets meet.

 

The is a grate US tv show that sets traps for preditorty pedofiles, Like mail scammers they rell in guy after guy who dos the same thing, find a tartget girl, befrend her, isolate her, manipulat her, abuse her.

 

That's grooming and that's why we have laws to stop it.

Asking him to do some thing public like go see your mum and dad would blow his cover so he will do any thing but let others know what he's up to.

 

He can say what ever he likes to you, your the target and all ready keeping his secret. But to talk to other adults he's not up for that.

 

He's after you and is braking the law to get to you, All I can do is warn you about his law braking, the rest is up to you, just do not come a victim I read about in The Sun one more missing girl.

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

ok im really confused now, and u saying he is just getting to me but not wantting to meet adults like my parents, well he wants to but i said no coz i dont want him to, im going up town with him soon with a few of my mates, i have spent a night with him with lots of my mates before, that was the night i met him, he is really good and close mates and has been for years with my best friend, thats how i met him, he come down to spend the night watching us play our saxes and then we when to a gig at skool,i got to know him really well, i know hes save coz he has been really good close mates with two of my best friends, i can be very sure that hes save, and wouldnt do anything against the law, and u say hes breacking the law at the mo, so wat he wasnt like thins until one night when we were talking and we both realised we liked each other more then friends, and were as the secrets, we are very open with each other, so yeh we probably do know each others secrets. i havnt spoken for him for nearly a week coz hes in hospital looking after one of his mates coz her mums in hospital, but he has still found time to email me or txt me to check im ok, to me and all my mates, thats someone who truly cares bout u not someone who is just after sex. hes one of my best mates, and always will be no matter wat happens, if we do end up going out and it dont work out, we will still be great mates, it will just be a part of our life were we tryed what we wanted and thought was right at the time, and would be an experience for us both, i do regret anything to do with my friendship with him and never will, coz im making all the choices not him. i do understand why u would worrie bout me, but i will be fine.

[asianstyle6969]

Hes too old for you...ok bye

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

Age doesn't matter, its only a number, so wat, if im happy and so is he it doesn't matter

[Mythical_Suicide]

The "age is only a number" saying is only correct when it's LEGAL!

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

yeh ok but im or he is not doing anything alegal coz all we do at the mo is talk on the net so that is not alegal

[Brooke657]

^^ illegal***

[Spugly Fuglet]

yeh ok but im or he is not doing anything alegal coz all we do at the mo is talk on the net so that is not alegal

 

Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal hes talking to you about sex and your 15 so that could be seen as grooming you for sex which is braking the law.

 

Thats what I have been trying to get over to you, it dos not matter what you think is right here it what the rest of the world thinks when it comes to the law. You BF could get himself on the sex sex offenders list for life.

 

The law states

 

"A course of conduct enacted by a suspected paedophile, which would give a reasonable person cause for concern that any meeting with a child arising from the conduct would be for unlawful purposes."

 

This is the basic defintion of the new grooming offence introduced under Section 15 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003.

 

I know you feel its ok but he is braking UK law im sorry to say

[Hope75]

Hi There,

 

I'm just curious....

 

If you don't think that you are doing anything wrong... why are you keeping it from your parents?

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

yeh ok hes breaking the law but so wat i dont care i normaly start the convos with him we most talk bout it now coz im going throught quite a few life problems and hes gots some problems with a mate of his being really ill and we talk bout things like that to make us laugh coz we are so un happy all the time other wise, im nearly 16 anyways, i dont care, if he gets arested i will say that he wasnt talking to me bout those sorts of things, only talk bout things like other mates do. nothing will happen to him , i will make sure of that.

 

'You BF could get himself on the sex sex offenders list for life.'

i would like to point out hes my best friend not my bf thnx!

 

i have decide wat to do now and am sticking to it, but thnx for all ur help anyways

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

Hi There,

 

I'm just curious....

 

If you don't think that you are doing anything wrong... why are you keeping it from your parents?

im keeping it from my parents becoz im there youngest child and they have always be pretctive of me and when i got my first bf they got really upset and we didnt speck for ages, i have lots of family problems at the mo and i dont want to make them worse, they do know that im really close friends with him tho and that we talk most nights, but i just dont want to talk to my parents bout how i feel bout him, coz i dont get on with my parents and i need to live my own life insted of them always running it for me!

[Hope75]

You know that if anything is suspected, they can subpeona your hard drive on both your computers and get the records of all your conversations. So as much as you might deny the types of sexual content that you discuss with him- there isn't much you could do to protect him if an investigation were to take place.

 

I'm curious- you deny that he's your boyfriend, and yet you say that you don't tell your parents because they were upset that you had a boyfriend in the past and don't want them to know.

 

Do you think they'd feel differently if he were 15?