Should I Continue......

[ilovemal]

OKAY HERES THE DEAL IM 17 AND MY BOYFRIEND IS 22 WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 3 YEARS NOW. I LOVE HIM WITH EVERTYTHING IN MY HEART. WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MANY OBSTICLES WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH MY FAMILY AND exc>>>......

 

WELL HERES THE THING HE HAS A KID. AND AT FIST I WASNT WORRIED AT ALL AND I WASNT TRIPPEN OVER THE FACT. BUT LAST YEAR WE BROKE UP FOR ABOUT 9 MOUNTHS.

 

WELL WE GOT BACK TOGETHER LAST MAY AND ABOUT 3 MTHS. AGO HE CONFRONTED ME TELLING ME THAT HIS BABYS MOMA WAS PREGNET AGAIN FOR HIM. BUT HE DIDNT WANT TO TELL ME SOONER BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID THAT I WOULD BRAKE UP WITH HIM.

 

HE DIDNT CHEAT ON ME OR ANYTHING IF YOUR WONDERING. BUT JUST RECENTLY THE GIRL HAD THE BABY. AND THAT HIS SECOND KID WITH HER AND PERSONALLY I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DEAL WITH THAT. BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO DIVIDE HIS TIME BETWEEN ME AND HER. AM I JUST BEING SELFISH>>???? I DONT KNOW BUT ITS JUST EATING ME UP AND I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DEAL. WELL PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE ON WHAT I SHOULD DO.

 

DAZED & CONFUSSED

[DN]

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[sophie274]

Hey, I don't think you're being selfish!

 

He will have those two children for the rest of his life. Are you ready to love them and take care of them for that long? You know that he and the mother will always have a relationship through their children. You're only 17 ... you have so much time to find someone who does not have that sort of baggage.

 

I would also be concerned about his relationship with the mother of his children. After he went back to her while you two were broken up, I would be worried that he is not truly "over" her . I imagine it will be very hard having her in your life.

 

Also, he doesn't sound terribly responsible. I assume both pregnancies were unplanned ... how did he manage to make the same mistake twice? I hope you two are being safe about protection - I don't think now would be a good time for you to have a child! And he basically lied to you for half a year by "forgetting" to tell you his ex-girlfriend was pregnant? What does that say about responsibility? In my opinion, that's a huge betrayal.

 

It's time to think about yourself, and your future. Is this what you want? If not, then yes "be selfish", do what is best for YOU. After all, that is the person who's happiness should come first and foremost!

 

Edit: I just read the post you made in September. He broke up with you when the baby came and went back to his ex and got her pregnant again (but only recently told you)? He accuses you of cheating all the time? Sweetie you are in way over your head. Get out !

[isisastaria]

What exactly....makes you think you have to settle for a much older guy who obviously has excessive responsibilies that he isn't taking responsibility for? How is telling you last minute respectful of you at all? You NEED to stop and think about the fact that this guy is using you as a "play thing" when he needs to stop playing and go be a responsible dad and not date jail bait. Am I clear?

[isisastaria]

You are obviously naive and oblivious to the reason why there are laws set for sex with minors. Do you realize that he probably just wants sex from you? If not, he's probably delayed in his neurological development. I can't tell you how angry this makes me! Run and run FAST!

[ilovemal]

okay first of all my age does not matter!!! ima abour to be 18 at the end of this month..and do not JUDGE me for that ....age is just another hurlde we hads to cross in our relationship. and he is very responsible he takes care of his kids with no doubt about it.

[sophie274]

I did make a reference to your age. What I meant by that is that it seems to me that you are "settling" - sticking with a so-so ( I would say bad) relationship even though you could probably find something better out there. Now, if you were older, and felt like this was the best you could do, then that would be one thing. But the fact that you are young means you have so much time to find someone else who will be entirely yours, not inject additional drama in your life, and not come with 2 kids and their mother! If you decide you don't want that life (which will be hard, have no doubts about it - I suggest you go to the parenting forum and read the current thread by flower99 about her fiance and her kids, shows some of the hurdles of dating a guy with two kids), you can walk away now, and you WILL find someone else.

 

I hope my first post was slightly helpful.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Take this from someone who got into a relationship with someone who has two kids from a previous marriage. If you're questioning it right now you need to get AWAY and quick, it's only going to cause more troubles in your relationship the older the kids get and the more serious you get and then if you two decide to have kids together it's going to be really hard. Believe me, I love my bf's kids to death but I still get jealous over certain aspects and feel I was somewhat cheated in a sense when we had our son together. This is something you need to seriously consider and think about before you get anymore serious with this guy.

[ImThatGirl]

You need to do much soul searching!

 

For one, you and him have been together off and on since you were 15.

 

You're still a baby! There's so much more to experience in life than this!

 

You are not being selfish. Your decisions will determine how and what you will live with for the rest of your life. Do you really want to be a girl that splits time with his ex? Am I right in assuming that they too have an on again off again relationship?

 

You deserve much more than that. Sometimes love isn't enough, Sweetie!

 

Get strong, stay strong, and explore the world. You can! You have so many opportunities ahead of you. Please take time for yourself rather thans settling with him.