"My ex told me she wants to date..but not me" PLEASE HELP

[7out102]

Hey Everyone-

 

For all those out there that are in conatct with their ex's, I finally realized for the first time, why it sucks. My ex and I have been back and forth for years now. We go through periods of contact to NC and so on.. Anyways we started talking again and in the past I have always told her that I just dont wanna hear about her dating and so on. She never has said anything until last night. We were talking and out of the blue she decides to tell me that she is tired of being single and her gf is going to set her up on a blind date.

Needless to say this ruined me and im hurting really bad right now. She knows how I feel about her but she still decided to tell me all this. Why? Why? Why? At first I was upset but then I played it cool and told her that I was happy for her and that she should date because she is a great girl..etc.. It just seems that she made it a point to tell me all this for whatever reason

 

If anyone has experienced this, please help me out. What did you all do? What do you think her motives were to tell me all this and make a point out of it? Please my friends I need some advice from my family here!!!

[lady00]

Just act indifferently if she brings it up again. She's probably just trying to make you jealous. I see no other reason why she would mention it to you specifically. It's like she's trying to get a rise out of you. If you ignore it, she will give up. Next time, just say "yeah, I think that's a good idea, I've been seeing a few people."

[renaissancewoman101]

Maybe she trusts you as a friend and told that to you because you are her "friend" and friends usually tell each other about their dates and stuff.

[friscodj]

Hey 7-

 

Let's look at this situation for what it really is. You have been "back and forth" for years now. Is this what real friendship is about? Do you need this turmoil in your life? Read what you wrote again how this "ruined" you and you are "hurting badly" right now. Nowhere in the definition of "friendship" does this occur.

 

It is also very telling that you still refer to her as an "ex". In situations with women in my life who I am friends with that were once "exes", that label is long forgotten and gotten past. We talk about and advise each other about dating, relationships, etc. Until you are at this point, without repressing any feelings and otherwise "playing it" anything, in my opinion your are not true friends.

 

In those situations with me, it took a long time and a lot of distance to really and truly let all the residual feelings fade to be able to become real and true friends later on. There is no substitute for that and this cycle you guys are in going back and forth with this is not helping the situation. It sounds to me like you are not quite ready to be friends yet.

 

Let me ask you this (and you don't have to answer here), why are you really doing this to yourself? What is it that is truly causing your pain here? Do you still have feelings for her, are you resentful she does not have romantic feelings for you, are you frustrated with your life and/or dating situation right now and hearing about this is exacerbating those feelings?

 

And why is this posted in the "Breaking Up" forum and not the "Friends and Friendship" forum? That says a lot to me as well...

[7out102]

friscodj-

 

Thanks brother! I have followed alot of your advice in the past years with other members. You truly seem experienced and have alot of good knowledge. Yes I still love my ex with all my heart. I have never gotten over her and she has done a very good job keeping it that way. She knows all the write letters to send, gifts, cards, and words to say. It just makes it tough. I guess I just am so sad when i dont talk to her that when she starts calling again, it makes me happy. It just seemed so odd that she brought that up, you know. I know that she would get the same way if I did that because she has before.

I just cant seem to get over her Friscodj and I dont know why. Even after long periods of NC, I still miss her and think about her everyday. You see the hard part is that like she admitted for the first time last week. If our relationship wasnt a LDR, she feels that we still would be together. You see my insecurities ruined a great thing. I have a hardtime dealing with that on a regular/daily basis.

Im sorry I posted this here, I wasnt sure where to put it. Thanks again brother....

[heloladies21]

At first I was upset but then I played it cool and told her that I was happy for her and that she should date because she is a great girl..etc..

If you care for her, then why would you react like this? Holding your feelings of jealousy inside, pretending not to care.

 

You would only get jealous of someone that you care about, but you reacted with disinterest. Actually it was reassurance in her dating another man! Not good, and trust me she notices.

 

This is probably a problem that causes the end of many of your relationships. Holding your feelings inside and basically putting on a show. Solution is simple, stick up for yourself! Let her know you don't want her dating some other guy. You're the one who wants to date her. But if she's not up for it, then you're only putting yourself through the pain because if she's not interested, there's no reason to believe that she's gonna change her mind. At this point, either she wants you or she doesn't. And if not, then you move on.

[7out102]

Lady00-

Thank you for your reply. I feel that she is using it too make me jealous but why? I mean we have not been together for awhile so it seems weird to do that. I just played it cool and hopefully she will not bring it up again.

 

Renaissancewomen101-

 

You see I still love my ex so its hard to be firnds with her. I dont think that i will be ever to get over her. She has taken so much of the time I should be dating because she knows exactly when to call, whatto write, what to say, etc.. I get sucked in everytime. Just a few months ago she wrote me this lovey email and told me she loves me and know how I feel about her. Then she feels like its important to tell me that she has a date.

 

Heloladies-

 

My ex knows how i feel about her and she knows that it bothers me when i hear of her wanting to date. I mean what should i do, just deal with it. Maybe she will hit it off with the new guy and she will never wanna talk to me anymore anyones. To answer your question, I told her that I hate hearing about it and stuff. Its just that she lives far away so it would be a LDR and it didnt work the first time with us. Thats why I have never asked her to date me. I mean why would she tell me that she wants to date and is tired of being single. She knows that it will only hurt me and make me sad. Thanks brother for your advice.. I appreciate it

[friscodj]

Hey bro,

 

I guess what it all comes down to here, the million dollar question is: how much do you want your life back? Is your life worth more than this "friendship" wrapped in your deeper repressed feelings which is eating you from the inside out?

 

I have felt like this (not quite to the degree) but like it regarding a woman a while ago. The only solution to get your life back here is not "NC", it is to completely disa-freaking-pear from her life and remove the situation completely from your mind.

 

People around here count days of "NC", refer to it as "being in" or "doing" NC. When you focus on the detachment, you are indirectly focusing on the attachment like this. You've tried and keep trying otherwise and it just isn't working. You need to be gone.

 

But before you do this, I think you need to make a big stupid expression of the feelings you wrote here. I think a good kick in the teeth is exactly what you need to get going straight with this. And then use the memories of this beating to replace the hopeful and longful fantasies and obsessive attachment with this woman.

 

What you need to do is replace your useless feelings of despair with this with more useful emotions even if they aren't the most pleasant. This is a serious situation that takes serious measures. The first step is getting some motivation up to do this and I think you need to get this with a good dose of honest reality by stopping the repression of your feelings when you are around her. Continuing to harbor these feelings is going to bring you to a point of accepting submission with this situation. I can see this happening, where your feelings wrapped up in are becoming familiar and this fantasy of love is becoming reality.

 

This is for you, to convince yourself so you can let of of this. You need something here to set you free. The decision to do this is yours, this is your life, only you can live it or stay in this limbo when there is a world of true love and intimacy that you aren't partaking in and experiencing because you are laying down, rolling over, and playing dead by staying in this emotionally tumultuous and restrictive situation.

[lady00]

This approach might work when you're in a relationship, but once you're broken up, telling someone you don't want them dating someone else appears controlling and needy. People are attracted to those whom they feel are not waiting around for them and have self-confidence. Saying "no, I don't want you dating other guys" after you have broken up is basically saying "I don't see the obvious--that there are plenty of eligible girls out there for me to date." Not supporting/being indifferent to the ex's dating defeats the purpose of the person who wants to get back together because it creates distance by starting an argument and by making the ex realize that you're waiting for them so there is absolutely no hurry for them to get back with you.

[lady00]

Let me give you an example. I once had a guy come back to me (he broke up with me) and we dated again for a little while until I realized we were just incompatible.

When he first strarte pursuing me, I was interested in another guy. He gave me dating tips! It intrigued me. I started to think: hey this guy is on my side, he's supportive. Now, he didn't turn into my girlfriend or shoulder to cry on. He made sure not to be too available to me and not to be "friendzoned," but he did not once say "No, don't date him, date me!" Instead he gave me dating tips, he was confident. It was attractive and it was part of what made me want to date him again.

[7out102]

Lady00-

 

Thank you very much for your advice, I will take it to heart. You see this girl is the one that got away and she always will be that one. I have dated since then but to no avail. She lingers in my thoughts on a daily basis and often occupies my dreams. It is so tough. I truly loved her and treated her great. You see since our relationship was a LDR, my insecurities started to take a toll on the relationship. Basically I pushed her away. Its been almost three years since we were together. I am never the one that does the contacting when we go through our NC periods, she always does. Then she seems to sneak her way back in and ofcourse because I love her, I let it happen.

 

It would be so hard to sit there and give her dating advice although I liked how it worked in your story above. That would be great. Like she said the other night, "if we had met and lived in the sameplace, she feels that we still would be together". She is so amazing yet I know she has alot of issues as well. I mean there have been many times where she has hurt me and I always let her back into my life. I have gone to visit her back east a couple times since the break up. Nothing ever comes of it except a heavy heart and she disappears out of my life for months.

 

So what to I do? I mean I love her so much still so it looks like the only avenue is to go complete NC. She got mad because I told her that once she meets a guy she likes, she will not need me anymore. This is always how it works out, you know? Man this sucks. I just hope that she is truly happy with whatever she does and when she meets the right one, she is treated with alot of love and respect. Thanks again for your help..

[7out102]

Friscodj-

 

Thanks brother again for your great words. I wish you could come and kick me in the teeth because I know that is what I need to have happen. Its just a tough situation for me because like I said earlier I love this girl with all my heart still. At times i feel that she is coming around by her words, but like they say talk is cheap. We still live at opposite ends of the country so a relationship again would be out of th question.

I have been thinking alot about going to some therapy to help me out. There is a reason that I am so drawn to this women when there are so many women around me that are close. Yes my ex was beautifull, witty, perky and all teh things I love but it doesnt matter.

You know Frisco, I have such a great life. Im young, make great money, have a great job, yet this girl has made me unhappy. Do you know what its like to wake up every morning and miss someone so much. To think about them all the days only to know that you will never have them back. I guess you have or you wouldnt be so wise with your advice here at enotalone. Its just hard. I know that she has dated since me and she has told me about it in the past. But when she told me that she has a date coming up and she is so tired of being single it really hit home. The wind was knocked out of my sails to say the least.

Just yesterday a friend of mine who has been married for 20 years, told me that he caught his wife having an afffair and found all the evidence. Phone calls, love letters, pictures, etc.. I mean its been a year and he is a broken man like he said. He has a gf but he has told her that he still loves his wife and always will. I guess she is their for the support for him and to have a warm body too. Anyways im afraid that I will always be stuck in this rut and never move on. Im afraid of growing old and never finding love again because I will alway be inlove with my ex............

 

Thanks again brother, keep it coming. Hopefully together you can helpme work through this.

[friscodj]

Hey 7-

 

Yes, I have missed someone like that. At that point, the "missing" turns to "obsession".

 

I'm telling you dude, the way to get out of this mental trap is to get kicked out of it. I strongly suggest you pour your heart out to this woman and go from there. You are harboring these feelings and it is getting you nowhere. Actually, it is holding you back from experiencing and sharing healthy love with someone else. This situation making you unhappy and causing restriction for you and as such you are missing out on life, love, and happiness.

 

So I do know what it feels like and I also know what it feels like to get out of the trap. It is damn scary at first and hurts like hell but this is necessary.

 

It's high time to forgo subtlety in the name of brute force and tell this woman exactly how you feel and tell her what you want. You genuinely need an answer here and you need to get it from her. You need to hear it from the source of your infatuation here. There is no way around this. You can tip-toe around this but there will always be a lingering doubt in your mind and maybe even regret that you kept this inside. Then the situation grows and grows and seems out of control to you, that it is not only easier to stay in your comfortable, familiar, albeit unhealthy place with this but you lose faith regarding other options and simply accept life as it is and embrace unhappiness. I'd much rather get kicked in the teeth and the nuts simultaneously than live like that.

 

As far as therapy, that might be a good idea, as obsessive-compulsive disorder is something that can be treated with specific mental techniques, given a diagnosis of such. You might want to red books by Aaron (or is it Alan?) Beck on this subject as well. There could be other psychological mechanisms at play here too.

[7out102]

Friscodj-

 

Thanks brother! You are right about harboring these thoughts however in the last email she wrote to me about 5 months ago she expressed that she knows how i feel about her. It was one of those lovey dovey emails that she used just so she could get me hooked again. I sit back and read it today and although it makes me sad, i kinda get a good laugh out of it. I wonder how someone can sit back and write all those sweet things and not expect you to think that they want you back. It is crazy friscodj!!!

 

Thats what bothers me the most about the whole telling me about the date thing. I told my hair cut lady today about that and she could not believe that my ex would tell me that. She was shocked. She thought that the only reason to say anything was to get a rise out of me or to make me jealous. I mean in your opinion what are the reasons to share that with a ex that you know still cares deeply about you.

 

I guess i need to bite the bullet and just tell her how I feel. Its weird because I feel that its to late for that. I mean obviously if she wants to date and tells me how tired she is of being single then I have no chance, right?? The worst part is she went on and on about how great the guy sounded how he is mature, has a good job, is handsome, and secure in his life. It just made me feel like a worthless piece of * * * *, you know? I know that I screwed up with her and my insecurities got the best of the relationship but why rub it in. Not a day goes by that i dont regret the way that I acted with my ex and she knows that.

 

What do you do man? I guess I know now what needs to get done but I have to find my balls and do it... Thanks again brother, you are a big help

[friscodj]

Hey 7-

 

In reading your latest post, it definitely sounds to me like you are obsessed with this woman and your feelings for her. You saved and are reading an email from her from 5 months ago on a Friday night? That's not love, that's obsessive bro...

 

I am also quite sure she is telling you about this other guy because she really and truly digs him. She is not playing games here, you are, with yourself. She is telling you because she considers you a friend, i.e., she is over what you guys had together and thinks you are too. But of course she doesn't want to let go. Why should she? She's enjoying herself, dating great guys, and has your affection and support as well. She's got it made my friend...

 

Additionally, she is likely too immature to see what is going on here. She probably doesn't know how much this situation is tearing you apart inside. You probably told her how you felt and got a response something to the effect of "thank you so much, that was so sweet" or even an "I love you too, I always will", some BS like this. She may see your expression as a friendly connection, a "lasting love", not the same love as you mean, but doesn't see what it is doing to you. This connection you have is not hurting her so why should she let it go? But it is hurting you so why should you keep doing this to yourself?

 

And she lives on the other side of the country! What do you expect to happen here? Seriously, what do you expect here? That in light of the feelings she has for another guy, she will suddenly realize what a great and wonderful guy you are by being in her life, this will generate romantic attraction in her heart, she will decide surely that she wants to be with you romantically and want to have a future with you making plans to move to be with you or have you move to be with her?

 

Wake up dude.

 

And it isn't her responsibility really to live your life for you. It is your responsibility to take care of yourself. Period. And you need to start doing that right now.

 

Stop playing games with yourself. Tell her how you feel, why you feel that way, what you want and if she dos not step up to the plate with action, maybe this will be the kick you need to get to better places here. Ask her the hard question you never asked her or are too afraid to ask her. Dig deep and get to the truth of this matter like this.

 

How does she see you in her life? What does she see you as? How often does she think about you and what do those thoughts entail? Everything you wrote here about your feelings, turn those into questions for her. Then you'll get to the bottom of this.

 

So that's what to do, the harder part is actually doing it. So what are your thoughts on that?

[7out102]

Friscodj-

 

Hey my brother, thank you. You were harsh but i appreciate every bit of advice and I have no hard feelings. You talk from experience and I will listen to what you say. You see the funny thing is that my ex hasnt even talked or met this guy and she was going on and on about what her friend said. Thats why to me it seemed so dam vindictive and only done to get a rise out of me. Trust me to brother, she knows that I never want to hear about that stuff because we have talked about plenty of times before. She knows darn well that it bothers me.

 

You see my friend, they way she talks to me or still gets mad at me over little things makes me think that she still harbors some feelings. They might be nothing much at all but I feel that she still does. I guess you would have to be me to see why I feel that way. I know that i just need to man up and tell her how I feel. I mean really what do i have to loose, NOTHING!!! Can it really make me hurt more than i already do right now. Well i guess if she tells me that we are finished forever than sure it will suck. Like you sadi thought atleast i will know for sure. I will be able to stop dancing around with her and playing these stupid games like you said.

 

The whole thing about living my life is so true too. I dont live my life like I should. If I dont talk to her, I feel * * * * and when i do talk to her I feel great. Except ofcourse when she tells me about dates and stuff. I guess I need to just cut bait and move on. I have a question for you though Friscodj. Why does she always come back into my life??? I have never ever had a ex do that to me. We stop talking because she gets mad at me for something and then she vanishes. However its textbook how she works her way back in. It starts with a light email, then texts, then occasional phonecalls, then phonecalls everyday, everynight.

 

Tell me about a situation that you have been in, when you were heartbroken. What came of it and did you get through it? NC? LC? etc...

Are you in a relationship now? Thanks again my brother!! The fact that you take the time to help out a complete stranger means alot. God bless you man.

[nilli]

I know that I screwed up with her and my insecurities got the best of the relationship but why rub it in.

 

Hey hun,

 

I think you also need to consider that she also screwed up with you. You can't prop up a relationship single-handedly. I can relate to some of your feelings but thankfully I'm starting to come around.

 

I've been on/off in a "relationship" (use term very loosely) for almost 3 years. He appears and disappears and precisely because it's been almost 3 years, I think to myself - hey, he must have some feelings at least to have been in my life in some fashion all this time- and actually thinking that if this was the case, that would be ok with me.

 

Stuff that! I want someone who will be straight with me and really love me and want to communicate...and where I can feel safe to express my feelings in turn and not have them ignored.

 

Honestly, I have made a lot of mistakes too but my biggest mistake to date is being willing to accept less and less to the point that my self-esteem was in tatters, I shut myself away from the world and was dependent on any little scraps of communication, allusions to maybe meeting up and msn conversations that fuelled my hope. Devastation if I didn't hear from him for 2 days.

 

I didn't want to let go of because..hey what then? He completely occupies my thoughts. If I don't have him to think about, maybe I'll actually have to get back out there and actually work on being happy. That prospect is scary....but think of the rewards! You know, even just tiny steps are great...if they are in the right direction for you. You don't have to 'get there' to start feeling more at peace, you can feel that way along the way.

 

I went to see a counsellor and, in the beginning I didn't think it was working but the shift is gradual and I'm starting to feel better.

 

Try writing down 10 qualities about yourself (I know these things sometimes feel silly but really try, only you have to read it). Read it everymorning for 30 days (they say it takes 30 days to acquire a new habit - in this case, balancing negative self-talk).

 

I have to say though, that I was given a ton of advice for a very long time but it took me a while to take it onboard, as I really did lose myself back there, so don't be discouraged if your heart is not into healing yet.

 

I have to agree with Friscodj when he says that perhaps she isn't aware of just how much this situation is affecting you and the anguish you feel.

 

hugs nilli x

 

p.s. I only deleted him off msn and deleted his number today so I'm just starting to take back control of the situation. I dearly hope you will find it in your heart to let go.

[7out102]

Hey Nili-

 

Thank you for your reply, it helped me alot. It sounds like you and I have gone through a simliar thing in one way or another I guess. Its very hard. I dont take all the blame myself but I know that I caused alot of the problems with the end to our relationship. However the after breakup saga that is going on, i would have to say that she has more of the hand in that.

 

I have made so many of the same mistakes that you had said you did as well. I settle for the bread crumbs that she throws at me. The occasional text message or the phone call. I guess I always hope that it will lead into something more. You see I too have lost alot of self worth and self esteem. It took a really big hit the other day when she went on and on about going on a date and how this guy is suppose to be great and so on. She kept telling me how tired she is of being single and she just wants to find a good guy. I mean how did she thinnk that was going to make me feel. I felt like a total piece of crap!!!!

 

I have the same problem with letting go but at times I dont thiink that I do. I mean I can go for months and months without talking to her. My occasional text with go ignored and a email will never be returned, etc.. However Nili I do think of her everyday gosh darn day. When I wake up, when I go to bed, and everytime in between. From a girls point of view, why does she do this to me. She is the only ex that has ever pulled such a thing, period? Its like she knows that I love her with all my heart so she does the very minimal to keep me attached and she wins everytime.

 

Well she hasnt callled since we talked about the whole date thing. I dont know why but I guess maybe her date(if she went, it wasnt set up) ewent so well that she doesnt need me anymore. Thats probably what hurst the very most, you know? The bottom line is I truly hope that she is happy and meets a great guy. I just wish it could be me but I know it never will.

 

So do you think I tell her all my feelings and just say goodbye for good? Do I wriet it out in a letter or do I call her. I have a feelinbg she will disappear again for awhile although she promised that she wouldnt, who knows? Thanks again for your help my friend and I will keep hoping that your situation works out for the best too, take care.................

[nilli]

Hi 7out102,

 

You asked me a girls point of view on why she contacts you and I agree with your interpretation. She knows you love her, likes the idea of this and throws you scraps now and again...whilst she goes about her own life. Hey, why make any decisions? You're there, you're waiting. I have to say though that maybe she doesn't know how her behaviour is affecting you.

 

This is just speculation of course and trying to get into sombody else's head is not very productive as you just don't know!

 

You say yourself you can go months without being in touch. You say she sometimes ignores your texts and emails - she is not even treating you like a friend.

 

If you feel it is worth talking to her then do so, tell her how you feel and what you want. Ideally this would be best in person. Failing that, a telephone call? At least you have immediate feedback.

 

If you write a letter will you risk not getting a reply? If she didn't reply, could you accept that as a 'no' or would you perhaps feel like you were still waiting?

 

You say you have a feeling she will disappear for a while. I can relate to this, I never wanted to push the issue with the guy I was seeing as when I did he too would disappear for a while. It's just not nice or respectful! These are not the actions of people who care about us romantically, nor are they the actions of a friend.

 

Who is she to you? Why do you want her? Why do you want to stay in touch and hear about her with other guys?

 

What else is going on in your life at the moment? Are there things you could be working on?

 

These are just a few questions to ponder on. I hope you can get to the bottom of this one way or another. Being in limbo is tough!

 

(((((hugs)))))

 

nilli

[friscodj]

Hey 7-

 

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph my man, this post says it all. Your issues go deeper than this one woman. She is exemplifying something deeper going on with you my friend.

 

Let's look at what you wrote here: your self-esteem is shot to hell, your communications with her are making you feel like crap, you are obsessing over her, you view the situation as having a "winner", and on top of all of this, you know you will never be "her guy"...yet you persist with this...

 

You are very much stuck in a self-destructive cycle here and it needs to stop if you hope to have a healthy intimate relationship with any woman. At point, I sense that words from other's won't help you much more. You need to help you and to reach that point in light of this, I think this situation needs to beat you down a bit more. You sound to be close to ground zero with this, so holding on a little longer and taking one or two more lashings should do the trick here. You are turned around in the right direction it sounds and need one or two more kicks to get moving on the right path.

 

After that, I'd take some time away from dating altogether and consider talking to a pro about all of this. I really think there is something deeper going on here, likely related to some childhood experience or experiences. This has been going on for so long that it has become familiar and thus somewhat comfortable to you. You need to unlearn that and distance yourself from these behaviors if you are to have healthy intimate relationships with anyone.

 

This can all be done and you can definitely do it without a doubt. It will take time and effort and this situation should serve as a good motivator for you to look at yourself and seek to answer some questions like why you are doing this to yourself. But first, you need to get out of and away from this situation.

[7out102]

Friscodj-

 

 

Thank you for your reply my brother. Sorry its been awhile but i was out of town on vacation. I like that you dont sugar coat anything at all and I respect that very much. You know I read and re read what you had to say in yoru last post. I try to reflect back on my childhood and I cant think of anything that would make me act the way I do. I guess in a way I just obsess over this girl. Ofcourse not in the stalking way or anything like that. I dont call her or send her gifts or anything like that. I never once did that kind of stuff. Once she broke up with me I went pretty much straight NC.

 

I guess I just have some issues that maybe only a professional can help me with, you know. Its funny because I look at how sad this girl makes me and how much goodtimes I missed out on pinning away over her. Yet I cant seem to change it. I still wait anxiously by the phone hoping that she would call or check my emails hoping she will write, I know its pathetic and stupid. Maybe her bllind date worked out and she will never call me again. I want ti believe that it will happen but I know that deep down it will make me sad. The hard part is that there are alot girls that I can date, but I dont want to hurt any of them. i dont want them to think my heart is in it, when its not.

 

My problem is that im still hanging on to some stupid fairy tale movie like fantasy. Where years go by and we meeet up again and everything is perfect. We fall inlove all over again and have a family and buy a house, etc.. Im just in a total tailspin over the whole thing friscodj. I wake up every morning and just pray that I will have a better day at not miss her. The thing is that my ex has done alot to hurt me and I cant see past that. I just look at how much we make each other laugh, how pretty she is, etc... Like my uncle said "how many times are you going to get stepped on, before you wake up and see the big picture" .

 

Like you said I guess I have to hit rock bottom before I can move on. Crap though man, if I havnt hit bottom yet then when will I. What did you do to get over the one that got away for you? Im going to be 27 and I have my whole life ahead of me but im sitting here wasting it. Thanks again my brother for being there for me.

[friscodj]

Hey 7-

 

I have two thoughts regarding your last post:

 

1) You mention you went "straight NC" with her after she broke up with you. This can lead to unfinished business which can hold you back here. Is there anything you want to say to her? Any clarification about anything at all? Any questions that she could answer for you? Anything you have been repressing, holding onto for whatever reason?

 

2) I think you should date one of these other women you mention. I think regular interaction and building some basis of closeness and connectedness with another woman, whether it be a close friendship or more, is a good idea in your particular situation. Roll the dice and don't worry about not being able to be there for them. Worry about that later.

 

3) I like what your uncle said. I think you should talk to him more often about this. It helps to have someone in your life, someone there, who can see your body language, tone, etc., someone more experienced, who can advise you on things like this.