Give me strength

[catren]

Well, it's been a couple of weeks since we broke up - I finnaly am starting to accept that we will never work things out. He has refused to shut the door completely himself, saying he still loves me and would like to come see me because he misses me. But, he still says that he does not believe that he can come back to me and be happy here because of a number of reasons. I haven't called him in 5 days (he called me 3 days ago.)

 

I know there is no purpose in calling him because I end up feeling worse. But, I'm missing him so much today. Please, give me the strength not to call. Need words of encouragement here.

[DN]

I have briefly scanned your other posts and cannot find the reasons for the break-up.

 

When two people love each other and break-up the reasons should be ones that are absolutely not capable of resolution. If they are capable of resolution then it means that one or both of the couple are not willing to try - or have not tried properly. Sometimes that is because of poor communication skills, negotiating skills or compromising skills.

 

And it is not always the skills lacking in the person who initiates the break-up - it can be both or that they felt they were making no headway in fixing problems.

 

I hope that you have both not given up on this relationship too early.

[catren]

The issue is that we live in different provinces. He lived here with me for a while and it was wonderful. He took a job for a year in another province and started having doubts about being happy here. He does not believe he could be happy here and would not be able to pursue the same career opportunities. He says that he wishes I could move to be with him (not possible). he says he still loves me and misses me but that this is inevitable.

 

To me, love is the one ingredient in life that's the hardest to find and hold on to. To me, it's the only thing he's willing to sacrifice.

[DN]

Many men find their self-esteem from their career and that is a powerful motivator if they feel they cannot succeed in one place or another.

 

I am not clear why you cannot move to where he is.

[catren]

Because I have a child and her father is here. I would never attempt to take her from him.

[DN]

OK that's a good reason!!! Good for you - it must be hard to make that sacrifice.

 

In that case, I think the best you can do is to say to him that you are sorry that the relationship cannot work but if he is not prepared to relocate to where you are then you will have to move on. I would not advise seeing him as that would be too hard on you - but don't necessarily close the door if he should change his mind. If you are available if and when he does it might be worth hearing what he has to say before making a decision.

 

p.s. I don't suppose the child's father would consider relocating to that province?

[redsuede]

This is exactly how it should feel for now. I really want you to keep in mind that the more that you "sit" through those feelings and allow it to pass, you will soon notice that they start coming less and less. During these times, it is very important that you monitor your thoughts during these fragile times.

 

Remember.. WHAT YOU THINK IS WHAT YOU FEEL!!

 

Please keep us posted!!

[catren]

Thanks DN and redsuede - I must admit that this forum is very helpful.

 

(and, no, the father would not relocate.)

 

I find that "thinking through" the phone call helps. I play out in my mind how the conversation will likely go, how I will feel worse than I do now and that really helps me NOT pick up the phone.