Who's got it harder Men or Women when...

[houdini]

Hello,

 

I've been dealing with the breakup for over a month now and I'm on day 17 of NC and even though I have my emotional rollercoaster of emotions, today seems a little better than yesterday.

 

I was thinking this morning who has it more difficult Men or Women in regards to moving on and dating again when there are children involved (3 children, ages 4,8 and 10) Me and my ex both have two daughters around the same ages from previous marriages and me and my ex have a 4yr old son together. I know I may be looking to far into the future but I was wondering how men and women percieve single parents with 3 kids.. Who has it tougher the man or the woman.

 

Any opinons would be appreciated.

 

Houdini

[Semid]

I Really do not know, I divorced at 29, now I'm 44 and I had never problem dating having a little girl. (and she was always first for me, my true love, now 19 yo). So i really cannot tell.

 

Maybe it is a matter of perception, should you feel having too many kids is going to prevent you for dating, maybe this will happen, but if you live this naturally I do not see a reason for not having another mate. Will you have problems dating with a person with 3 kids?

[houdini]

I've read on other forums and the internet how people percieve single parents with a single child or more. And I guess it seems that people find it hard to date people with children if they have no children of their own (Especially women with kids). A single man with kids has it a bit easier from what I've read only because they do not have their children except for the visitation schedule. The woman has the child or children the majority of the time and thereforeeee requires the women's "new" partner to take on a bigger responsibility.

 

So to answer the last question, Even though I have 3 kids I wou'd prefer to date someone with no kids or just one child. Maybe that's being unfair or asking to much but it's not easy with 3 kids of my own and if I met someone with more than one child it would be hard and I've been through that already and I'm not sure if I want to go that route again. Not only did I lose my ex, I lost my son and her two daughters whom I got attached too over time....

 

I don't to come off as being shallow but I believe most men would shy away from a woman with 2 or more kids. Although there are men out there that would ( I was one of them) most men do find it difficult, they may want to have fun with the girl for a short time but long term is unlikely...

 

Hope this doesnt get anyone mad, I just wanted to get peoples opinion on how men look at women with kids and how women look at men with kids in regards to dating them.

 

Houdini

[redsuede]

The one that has it the worst is the one still wearing the Rose Colored Glasses.

[houdini]

Redsuede,

 

Please explain what you mean or if anyone else can explain what is meant by "The one that has it the worst is the one still wearing the Rose Colored Glasses"

 

Thanks!

[redsuede]

Rose colored glasses is a term used to describe someone who romantisizes a relationshiop. You see only good, and put the bad out of veiw. You see the relationship in a totally different light than what it really is.

[redsuede]

As far as your question about single parents... well, I think that is a very common thing these days. Most people are single parents, or have kids.

 

They both have it tough.. No one wants anyone to come along in their life and treat their kids differently than they would. Its test time for the guy, which is never fun either.. Its hard on both ends

 

I read your question completely wrong.. Disregard the rose colored glasses comment.. Sorry...

[houdini]

No problme Redsuede, That is what scares me about dating again in the future. The thought of dating a woman, going through the phases of letting them know that I have 3 kids from two failed relationships doesn't seem very attractive to me and I can't imagine that it would be to a woman either. Although I do feel that a woman is more accepting to the man's child or children because of the "motherly instict" and maybe for the fact they will have alone time because the kids will be with the mother most of the time.

 

I wasn't to sure how successful it is for women who have 3 kids with two different fathers and how that will come off to men. I can't really give my opion because I'm a bit biased because of my own situation.

[redsuede]

A woman will be more accepting of that, I truly think, although I dont think you need to worry about it. Some words of advice first though, when you meet someone new, make sure you develop a bit of a relationship with the girl before doing too much integration. Yes, the kids sake but also, for the sake of your relationship. A relationship needs a bit of time first to develop before other things get involved.

 

You will be fine! good luck!