trying to break up, need support

[heyguys]

hello, i want to break up with my bf. im not sure. he is making me really unhappy, hes not considerate of my feelings anymore and i feel he does not appreciate me. everytime i want to break up i feel sad and not sure its the right thing to do, i feel i will miss the good things. i need support

[Jayar]

Well, if you break up with him you WILL miss the good things... About HIM. But you will experience good (even better) things with someone else. And maybe, if you choose carefully, experience overall MORE good things and LESS bad things with someone new. Best of luck!

[lady00]

everytime i want to break up i feel sad and not sure its the right thing to do, i feel i will miss the good things. i need support

 

It is hard to break up no matter what. Because you're sad doesn't mean it's the wrong thing. Unless you're an unfeeling person you will be very sad about it. As much as you can, try to think about it by separating your emotions from what you think is the best thing for you. If they fit together, stay together. If , however, you feel it is right for you to break up even though you will be sad, then you should break up. It will be hard if you do but take heart, it will get better over time. Good luck whatever you choose.

 

Have you tried talking with him about how you're feeling, not in an accusatory way but in a way that says how you feel and what you would prefer in the relationship? If he is/was unresponsive to this, then your only real choice is to leave.

[heyguys]

yes i try talking to him, he sometimes is responsive, sometimes he isnt. if he is...it doesnt last long and its the same issues...(small things, but repetitive issues)

[lady00]

(small things, but repetitive issues)

 

Mind sharing what these issues are? You say they are "small"...is it the combination and frequency that is bothering you? Is it these things that really bother you or is it some more fundamental incompatibility? Often times, a person in a relationship may feel there are small things about the other person that get on their nerves but it is really a sign of something much deeper...

[heyguys]

well the most recent thing that seems to happen alot is that i feel he isnt there for me like i am there for him. i stay up for hours helping him with his homework, when i have my own to do or other things, bc i care about his education...., i comfort him when he feels down or insecure, i make so much room and time for him, he though has little tolerance or patience to do the same and it drives me crazy. when i need some attention or help he goes to the gym or turns off his phone. i cant ditch him the way he ditches me

[lady00]

well the most recent thing that seems to happen alot is that i feel he isnt there for me like i am there for him. i stay up for hours helping him with his homework, when i have my own to do or other things, bc i care about his education...., i comfort him when he feels down or insecure, i make so much room and time for him, he though has little tolerance or patience to do the same and it drives me crazy. when i need some attention or help he goes to the gym or turns off his phone. i cant ditch him the way he ditches me

 

It sounds like he has been "spoiled" by your giving. You seem like a very giving girlfriend. The thing is, people in relationships don't like to feel like they are being "out-gived" by the their partner. Giving should be equal. Have you ever tried pulling back and doing your own thing? He is entitled to the gym and you are entitled to go do whatever you want. It seems like there is a lot of unevenness in the relationship. It seems like your bf does not view the relationship as special or valuable anymore, possibly, in part because you are too available to him and too giving. You have mulitple options here...I think one, the obvious one, is to drop him and run. Another may be to pull back, enjoy being with friends and family and doing your own thing, see if he steps up to the plate without being prompted. You are very much in the driver's seat here.

[heyguys]

yeah usually i try and pull away and he does step up and is responsive temporarily and it eventually fades away....

[lady00]

yeah usually i try and pull away and he does step up and is responsive temporarily and it eventually fades away....

 

I am saying this for this relationship and for future ones...why do you think this is? Do you think that you fall back into your old patterns? I fear that you might be allowing him to take you for granted and you might face the same problems in future relationships (if you leave him) because you are falling back into the same patterns. Trust me, if a guy is into you, he will enjoy being very giving and you won't have to struggle or wonder, you will feel his presense and his love. At the same time, you don't want to be so available that he becomes lazy and takes you for granted. It's not something that you do only temporarily then fall back into an old pattern, it is something you need to maintain over the long haul.

 

There is a good chance this guy and you just aren't compatible but there are also things you should consider to learn/take away from this relationship that will come up again even in relationships where you are very compatible.

[ghost69]

sounds like he appreciates you, but at his convenience. you need to tell him how he makes you feel. mostly unwanted i'm guessing. this isn't a good feeling. then decide based on how he reacts to you telling him, if you are going to leave or not.