girlfriend gets weirded out over sex talk

[JimmerJammer]

I was talking to my girlfriend earlier tonight about our sexual history and she said that it weirded her out. Apparently bringing up the topic of sex makes her uncomfortable and so I won't talk about it. I asked her about what she liked having done to her and she said "what? why do YOU wanna know that?" and I honestly didn't have an answer other than "I wanna know what you like" and she said "my god you say the weirdest things sometimes."

 

What the hell? I really don't know what its about and I honestly am going nuts over whether or not this is a sign that she isn't comfortable talking about it or if she says that because she doesn't understand why I'd even ask her about it. Ugh. SHE can be weird sometimes. It's like when talking about relationship stuff she looks at me like I'm retarded while I'm stuck sitting here going * * * are we then supposed to do just ignore everything and not even get intimate? There's something funny going on and I am already looking to meet other girls just in case this doesn't go any further between her and I.

 

Any ideas why she's so closed up about it or what I am supposed to do? I mean we've been going out for almost 2 months now while knowing each other for about 8 months. Why am I weird for this?

[x_perfect_stranger_x]

2 months isnt long you know. Ive been with my boyfriend for 8 months and we havent had sex, Im not comfortable enough nor am I ready to give myself away. If my boyfriend talked about sex with me 2 months into the relationship I would be 'weirded' out too. Shes obviously not ready, dont push it.

 

She'l open up to you when she feels right.

[Day_Walker]

I dont know why she is closed off to the idea of sex, especially talking about it. The most common things are that her family doesnt talk about it, some kind of abuse, religious reasons. Maturity and age could also be some factors. The point is that if she isnt doing it for you then there is no point in staying in the relationship, she is being closed off and if you want someone who is open then you need to look else where.

[GQstatus]

I dated my ex for a year and a half. We had a GREAT sex life. She was very adventurous and spontaneous in the bedroom. But days later, if I tried to say something like "God when you (insert sexual terms here) it drives me nuts!"..she'd get "weird". She was fine having sex, fooling around, but HATED talking about it. It always made her uncomfortable. She has also been sexually abused in her past, so I quit talking about it.

 

I'm confused as to what you mean you were talking about your "sexual history". History between you two? Or other partners you've had? I'd suggest simply asking her why she feels uncomfortable talking about it. There more than likely is an underlying issue, and you should respect that.

 

You saying that you're "already looking to meet new girls in case this doesn't work out" shows you obviously don't care too much for this girl. Because she won't talk to you about sex, you're going to go behind her back and look for another girl? Come on dude.

 

If you guys are already sexual, if she doesn't want to TELL YOU what she likes, focus on what seems to turn her on. It's not too hard to tell what a woman likes, and doesn't like, with a little experimenting.

[JimmerJammer]

By sexual history I meant her with her past partners and me with mine. I've only had sex with one person my entire life and I told her this. She was surprised by it as she figured I'd have ended up with way more than her. She said its been 7 guys. And when I asked her why its weird she went to "alright fine let's talk about you and (insert girls name)" I told her I had no problem doing that and told her it never went anywhere with her because I reserve intimacy for someone I truly care about.

 

This girl I do care about. In fact she still remains the one girl I've ever cared so much about in my life. I've had no problems forgetting about other girls and even my ex had aspects of her personality I really couldn't stand even if we did get the chance to be together again. Its that she's entitled to her life and if she feels she has no need to be loyal in the realm of sex then I need to be ready for that. I'm only preparing myself in case it turns out SHE doesn't care about me, not the other way around.

 

She told me that she had sex with her past partners within a few times of hanging out with them and this was AFTER I already made attempts to kiss her and see where things go. We barely do anything intimate and I don't quite get why she had sex with them but has such a hard time even kissing me let alone talking about the subject.

[TheFoglifter]

Yeah, same here -- gf will have sex with me, and sometimes she'll seem to get pretty in to it. If I mention ANYTHING later on though ("that was hot when you " or "remember the time we ") she'll get quite offended and tell me to shut up.

 

I think many girls still feel taboo talking about things they've done, like it embarrasses them. I know with my gf it feels like there is a line between proper and private -- in the bedroom she'll seem to resist crossing it, then all of a sudden jump over it, which is fun sometimes. Afterwards though, she doesn't want to talk about it or anything related to it.

 

Its perfectly normal (so it seems) and doesn't seem to be anything to worry about. Respect her feelings though or she'll start to associate sex with negative things, and once that happens, talking about it is as close to having it as you'll get.

[MrCrazy2u]

A couple's sex life should never be some "dark little unspoken secret" in the relationship... I don't know about you guys, but I don't settle for that crap. You should be able to talk about all aspects of the relationship, and if one person is uncomfortable with speaking about something the communication factor of the relationship suffers. Sure, the sex is good now, but what about down the road when things start to fizzle... and she still won't talk about it, how do you go about fixing things or suggesting solutions? To me, when I'm with a gf and friends, sex is just as open a topic as the weather. I enjoy talking about it... and bragging about it

 

Anyways, it depends on the person, but two months doesn't seem like enough time for her to get comfortable enough to start talking in-depth about sex.

[TheFoglifter]

... enjoy talking about it... and bragging about it"

 

I agree with you, but I expressed this sentiment in a female-dominated thread and got quite a lot of "thats private not public" ideas. I realize what you are saying, that the key is the couple can talk about it openly, but I still think this is just how many women are, and its not really a problem.

 

There are certainly worse problems.

[JimmerJammer]

Hmmm alright well I told her I'd drop it and I suppose I will. What makes me laugh though is that I was bugged so many times by ex's to "open up" and express myself and yet now it seems I'm the one having to ask THEM to open up and express themselves and they're the ones having a hard time with it lol.

 

Personally I never discuss intimate details with friends, not even best friends I've known for most of my life. I make that a choice out of respect for the girl because hey she MIGHT be embarrassed about telling people and I don't want to assume I can just go out and tell everyone what me and ___ did last night like a bunch of wild animals. It's never been my style, but I joke around with them about other girls even though I'd never act on it while I'm with my current gf.

 

As for this I had wondered if two months was early and maybe it is for her, I know that most of my ex's seemed to be ready for sex within 20minutes of being alone together lol and my first ever real girlfriend took a long while before we had sex, we were both 17 at the time and were doing lots of french kissing and dry humping before it lead to sex.

 

With this one she's the first one I make an effort with. And maybe she sees it that way too and is trying to do the same thing by not jumping on things too quickly or ruining it by revealing too much. She's dated a lot of losers and she's had bad experiences with sex and I can't tell all the same if her attitude toward it now is that she's closed up about it because any chance at leading to it will bring up those experiences or if she's just not sexually attracted to me or something.

[JimmerJammer]

I'm 22 and she's 21.

[MrCrazy2u]

Personally I never discuss intimate details with friends, not even best friends I've known for most of my life. I make that a choice out of respect for the girl because hey she MIGHT be embarrassed about telling people and I don't want to assume I can just go out and tell everyone what me and ___ did last night like a bunch of wild animals. It's never been my style, but I joke around with them about other girls even though I'd never act on it while I'm with my current gf.

 

I just have so many interesting stories I feel compelled to share them with my friends... they always gets a good laugh. And my ex's would do the same with her friends, not as much as me, but funny stories are funny stories. I guess it might have just been the part of the country I grew up in maybe.