Feeling old and I'm only 20 LOL!

[KIDD]

I don't get myself sometimes. I mean kids my age range are partying and all about having fun but I choose to stay home & watch a dvd or stay by myself.I like being a homebody, at first I wanted to go out and venture & do things kids my age were doing, once I found friends to go out partying and clubbing with.. I realize that it's just not me. At first I liked it because it was new but I'm not all about hooking up for one night stands & etc. I don't even like to drink or smoke. Many may classify me as being a nerd but I guess that's what I am then. I'm a little worried because I feel like I need to be more social and I'm enjoying being by myself a little too much! I don't think it's good for me. Like tonight I finally decided to get out of the house because my friend kept pressuring me to go to a club with them. So I caved in and I went, I just felt out of place there with everyone dancing and I had fun but I just feel it's not my thing. At first I liked it but now.. it's just blah.

 

I don't even like going out period anymore. I feel this sort of anxiety thing like I have to watch myself everywhere I go. I feel awkward and I feel ready to get back in the house. I've never been a social being and now that I've made new outgoing friends, it forces me to be more outgoing.I get uncomfortable meeting new people & hanging with new people. Like tonight I was totally quiet meeting the people that my friend introduced me to. It's like I wanna be charming and funny, but I'm too scared to do or say anything that would make me end up looking stupid or crazy.So I was sitting there at the table at the club with all of them and I couldn't be comfortable, I literally had butterflies in my stomach.I'm always wondering what people are thinking about me. If someone whispers something in somebodies ear, I get paranoid wondering if they're talking about me.I've always been like this but it's sorta worse now that I'm constantly interacting.I'm actually sitting here pondering right now what all of them were thinking about me and if they were talking about me as soon as I got out of the car tonight to go home. I actually caved in & smoked a black n mild tonight just because everyone in the car was smoking one and I didn't want to look lame. I just felt totally out of place. I couldn't even flick the lighter on LOL.

 

I feel like an old man, no offense to anyone on here. I'm not into sex,or anything of that matter.So many people my age are misguided and I just feel like I surpassed everyone in my age range. It seems like all of them are all about sex,drinking,drugs and who wants to fight who & all of that nonsense. It's not who I am & it would be nice to find some laid back people like myself but it's so hard. I would like to have a relationship for one, that's something most people are not looking for these days. I don't just want to have meaningless sex, I want to make love with someone I care for.At the same time I'm confused because I want to be more outgoing and at the same time, I want to be by myself. Sometimes it gets lonely being by myself 24/7 so I try to get out even though it's hard.I always make friends with people I can't relate to and that perplexes me. I don't understand who I should be to be honest! It seems like I'm following everyone else when I need to be myself..

[BYOB]

Anyone more experienced that passed by the same phase and who could guide someone going through it ?

[cchurting]

Hi

 

I don't know if my posting will help you or not, but I am going through something similar. I was once at the place of the people you are describing. I guess I got all that crap out of my system.

 

However, it seems like everyone, even at my age, wants to just get wasted and hookup. It almost seems to get worse after one turns 21.

 

Well, I think it is great that you aren't like the lets-get-wasted-and-hook-up type. I think that is a very attractive quality and you will meet someone who shares the same values.

 

I would attribute your feelings just to growing up. Its hard to grasp sometimes, but I think it all falls into place eventually.

 

However, you do mention that you don't like to meet people. Just out of curiosity, do you work? If so, do you work at a job where you interact with strangers?

[BYOB]

I really enjoy meeting people. The first steps to get to know someone are the hardest though.

[musicguy]

I'm the same way as you are, in fact what you wrote about you is the EXACT same person as I am. I'm not much of a club/bar kinda of guy (I'm not all about hooking up or drinking either) and I feel comfortable being at home, but I do like going to concerts tho and I sometimes feel out of place too when I'm with my friends, but they make me feel comfortable to talk to people around they know, in turn they talk to me.

 

Just try to relax.

[Alezia]

Hi,

 

Well I suppose I can sort of relate. Not totally, because I don't feel socially awkard or fall under pressure as you mention, but I am not into the clubbing scene much.

I'm not really into hooking up with random strangers, and it leaves you totally empty too. (according to me, some ppl are into that and it's good for them if they like it that way)

Maybe if you are concerned about the clubbing scene yet you don't want to stay at home, you could plan a night at the movies? Most people don't arrive wasted or high for those type of activities... Sports are a good one too like snowboarding/skiing, mini-golf, bowling etc... I don't see why you would have to limit your social interaction to clubs and drinking only if that's not what you are into.

I used to like the clubbing scene at first too, but I don't enjoy it at all anymore. I'd rather go travelling, or do some activities with 1-2 friend or be with my boyfriend =) Don't feel bad about what you like.