Am I being used?

[Alexis_failure]

Ok, lets start off with some backgroung info. When I was 15 I started dating L, now L wouldn't touch me because I was underage. On Valentine's Day 2006 he dumped me by text message. Was pretty upset but a male friend V was a shoulder to cry on, 3 days after L dumped me, V asked me out. Ended up going out with V, which caused alot of competition between V and L. When I turned 16, I slept with V. He lost his virginity to me. We dated for 6 months, during that time L kept sending me texts saying that he loved me etc. I stayed good friends with L, much to the annoyance of V. In the end I dumped V because he was too clingy, jelous and possesive.

About 3 weeks after breaking up with V, I slept with L. Didn't plan it to happen, it just did. Now every time I'm at his house we end up sleeping together. He did ask me if I wanted to start seeing him again before xmas, but he was sending me mixed siignals so I asked if we could just be friends. I last saw him/slept with him 3 weeks ago. He asked me if we could be buddies. He only ever calls when he wants to get laid and has no plans in getting a girlfriend. He's moving 100 miles away but insists that we can still be buddies, meeting up when he's up here, and me going to see him down there.

I'm sick of being at his beck and call, and thats never regularly. I'm wanting to get into a new rlationship, but I'm stuck in this vicious circle.

He gets very jelous when I get interested in another bloke, but he dosen't want me. So whats his deal? I feel like I'm being used? Am I? Suggestions and help please!

[Locke2121]

Yep. Your being used hun. L only wants you for a quick piece. Sorry but thats what I think. Your far too nice a girl to be treated like this. Time to cut him off and find someone who is worth your time.

 

Course I'm sure you want to hear from others!

[Karhu]

move on. he's sending the signals that he isn't really into you on a more meaningfull way. you're right, it does sound like this guy is using you.

 

the sooner you move on the sooner you can fix up your life, the sooner you'll find someone that will respect you for who you really are.

 

i've also found that jumping from one person to another normally doesn't work very well, people need alone time to become a compleate individual, and to work through the emotions and learning lessons from the ex, and then that also solves a lot of chalenges from jelous ex's etc. in the end giving a cleaner start to the next relationship which makes a difference.

[Scout]

Well...he's basically been pretty honest with you that he is primarily just interested in sex with you. So while he's using you for that, he's not lying about it.

 

What's sad, though, is that you're staying in such a situation even though it makes you feel used and unloved and unappreciated. My goodness, you're a beautiful young girl with a sparkling life ahead of you if you make the right choices that value yourself. Life's too short to settle for such a tacky, joyless arrangement. So get out of it!

[Alexis_failure]

yeah this has been going on for months now and I'm getting sick of it.

[Locke2121]

Then you know what to do! Goodness knows as bad as you've felt lately, you could do without the stress! Just watch out for the clingy monkey when he finds out!

[dinkykat]

Sorry hun but you are being used. I've been there with an ex and he only contacted me when he wanted sex. I was in love with him so was stupid enough to do what he wanted. I've since met someone who I love deeply and even though ex has asked if we can "meet up" I've knocked him back. The feeling of being in control is fantastic and you will eventually meet someone who genuinly wants to be with you for who you are, not just a quickie.

[Batya33]

You are not being used. You are choosing to have casual sex with him - he's been entirely honest that he is only interested, for now, in having sex with you. The sex didn't just "happen" - you weren't forced, were you? Sounds like you decided to have sex without a commitment, decided to continue being available to him for casual sex and now that you're feeling badly about it you turn the blame on him and claim he is using you. If choosing to have sex with someone who doesn't want a relationship is him using you, then you are using him just the same.

 

If you want a relationship, tell him no more sex until you are exclusively dating for at least several months. If he declines you will have your answer and you can move on.