Cyber and real two separate worlds?

[finalcloud13]

If there was an online couple planning to meet in the future, like months away, but didn't work out and broke up before they could meet, do you guys think that means they won't work in real life too?

 

Because I had an online girlfriend who lives about 6 hours away from me but I didn't call her enough so she got real lonely and dumped me. And I regret everything and such, but I was just thinking that if we were a real couple then this would've never happened, because I personally don't like talking on the phone but I love hanging out so I would hang out with my girlfriend like any chance I had. If we were a real life couple, I'd have no problem with the phone because I wouldn't have to talk so long because we see each other a lot.

[blender]

Well, sometimes FATE just has a different plan for you..that's all.. and it is difficult to have a relationship that is just a "voice" or an 'email"... so yes, that's not the easiest way to build trust and a connection, but if she was not willing to give you a second chance, and you were not comfortable with just having a 'phone relationship", then it's just not meant to be... give yourself a break, and get out there and meet a wonderful girl whom you can "hang out" with.. you deserve it!!!

[finalcloud13]

The thing is that all girls, after my ex, just pale in comparison. Even girls that I used to like but couldn't get don't interest me in the least. I know almost everybody says this but I really know this is the love of my life. She's just perfect in every way, really! So totally the girl of my dreams, what do I do now that I blew it in an online relationship? I tried moving on. I either can't, or don't want to, because it's not happening and I don't feel it having a chance of happening in... forever. You probably think that's silly but yeah... that's how it feels. The unbearable thought of her, happy with her life not only without me, but also with her new online boyfriend. Ow, my heart 3

[innocent_evil96]

Yes I kinda do believe that Cyber and Real are two separate worlds. There was this guy that I got to know through the internet (although I had seen him in real life just once and that was very briefly, actually he saw me and got my details from a friend) and once we had an argument online and he just didnt come online to talk to me for like a month. I knew where he worked so I went there but tried to act like I 'just walked pass' and he came out from his work place and said 'hi'. He was normal and he didnt even act like we had a problem or anything. In fact we were very normal and strangely things were pretty much normal after that.

 

I didnt know this guy much in the 'real' world, only online so it wasn't a problem. I guess if u havent met in real life then it should be fine. Let me know how you go.

[blender]

Feelings are never "silly".. it's nice that you have strong feelings, but the reality is, this ex is not someone whom you've gotten to know on a deeper level just in a practical sense.. you know what I mean? You haven't held each other, haven't seen each other all sick with a cold and fever, struggled together to pay the bills, or shared an evening of saying nothing but just being close on the couch watching TV..

 

and you will share all these wonderful things and also life's challenges with someone who is willing to make an effort to intentionally be in your life.. through good and bad, and not just dump you because you didn't like talking on the phone so much... what if she were dating a Army guy and he couldn't call her but once every few months from irag..would she dump him?...

 

Ya know, you have to realize that you only "know" the "her" that was the girl on the phone... and she only knows the you that was on the phone, and perhaps that is all fate had in mind for the two of you.. sometimes people are put on the path of our lives as an emotional bridge so we can cross the heartache into a stronger, better, more confident YOU.

 

and for right now you miss the "habit" of having her to talk to, and yes that's so sad that you didn't get to meet and try it all together in the same place... but everything happens for a reason, and you can not control all of everything,

 

and so for today, try to be in acceptance that you did the best you could in the moment, and it's okay, you will meet someone new, but maybe now is the time for you to be on your own, discover who YOU are, and be proud of setting goals, making plans and seeing things through just for you, for your life, so when you do meet someone whom you would like to date, you'll be ready, and confident... and this will happen, just take care of you for today.. the "hurting and missing her" will pass in time... it will.. promise.

[finalcloud13]

I'm definitely open to moving on. In fact, I wish it would happen. But It's been how long since November 13, 2006 and I long for her now more than ever.

 

Which brings me to my earlier question: Even if I screwed up with her online, if somehow I became able to be near her (i.e. going to the same college), how possible do you think it is that I may have a chance with her? Because like you said, she doesn't REALLY know me, since interaction is limited in long distances, and we have never met, so she might see me much more differently in person than she did online.

[tylercdurden2004]

You need to get some confidence.

 

What did she mean you didnt call enough? You shouldnt be basing any relationship with a girl on the phone or online. Some people do but very very few. Eventually the relationship needs to take that next step into the realm of reality.

 

Her excuse for dumping you was just that. Dont you think if she really liked you she would have made an effort to make it work? I have never heard of a relationship ending because someone didnt talk on the phone enough. you need to read beyond the surface, beyond her words and look at her actions. Again if she really really liked you wouldnt she have moved closer to be with you, come to visit you? Its her polite way of dumping you because she wasnt really all that interested in you. face up to it.

[finalcloud13]

I guess I gave too little info. She dumped me because I didn't call her enough. It was neglect. I was doing good calling her everyday. Actually, I was overdoing it, talking to her until she wanted to hang up, sometimes even though I wanted to do something else. At nighttime, she would ask me to stay on the phone until she actually fell asleep on the phone because it felt closer that way. First, I had no problem with it but doing that everyday got harder and harder, because not only did I have to stay on the phone in pure silence because she was falling asleep, but I was pretty sleepy myself oftentimes so over time this almost became like a chore. However, her intentions for me wanting to stay on the phone until she fell asleep because it felt closer was so, how do I say it... how do you say no to that? She wanted to feel closer to me until she fell asleep, how can I ever refuse that without seeming like the bad guy? So I kept it within me and night to night stayed on the phone until she slept.

Then one day, I started hanging out with friends. It was a very long time since I last did, and it was fun. Too much fun. I was hanging out with them everyday from afterschool till bedtime. When I was out, calling my gf didn't cross my mind, and sometimes when it did, since there was no privacy with my friends around I reminded myself to call her later. But this procrastination repeated over and over with me coming home tired and going straight to bed without remembering to call. This went on and I, who normally called her everyday, now called her once every few days, though I chatted with her on MSN in between. She didn't tell me, but she was missing me and she was feeling lonely. One night, she did address the issue to me. I apologized to her and I told her I'll call her more from now on. As it turned out, I didn't call her for the next several days again. I don't know if she should have given me more than 3 days to change but after that she didn't pick up the phone when I called. I, thinking if she was deliberately not picking up my calls, decided to not call to further not annoy her and wait for her to call me. But it didn't happen, and soon she told me she wanted to go on a break. Then the next day she dumped me.

During the time that I "went bad," there was another guy that was getting to know her and he was doing a great job of making me look worse by calling her like 6-7 times a day. I think that made it twice as bad for me. Anyhow, she got together with him real soon after dumping me and I don't know their status today, but they're probably still together.

 

I couldn't see her yet because we live 8 hours away from each other and I'm a high school senior. We did make plans to try to get into the same colleges and hopefully attend together. But that doesn't matter anymore to her. I still want to go to the same college as she does because I'm thinking if I met her in real life, she might be open to giving me another chance because I could offer her so many things that I couldn't over a long distance relationship. But I'm also scared, because college is full of other guys that she might fall for, then it would all be wasted effort.

[desert_rose26]

staying on the phone until she fell asleep? OMFG. sorry. but it sounds really stupid. I'm not surprised you didn't want to call her anymore. Who'd want to? She was selfish to take up THAT much of your time just for herself. She should've thought about YOU more. But, you should've told her early on that you didn't feel comfortable doing it any longer because you get bored. She should've understood it.

[Batya33]

The problem here is that you tried to behave as if your typing and talking to her went beyond a penpal type of friendship - as if it were a romantic relationship too. That's why things got confusing. There were demands and obligations of a romantic in person relationship but that is not what you had with her -- and that's probably why it was a train wreck waiting to happen. I will say though that it sounds like, even if you met in person, her expectations are unrealistic - that you are supposed to be with her every day until she falls asleep. Why not just tape record your voice reading a bedtime story and go out and live your life (I realize that that is a moot point but just wanted to show the silliness of the behavior).

 

Yes, perhaps if you meet in person someday you might click in person and maybe both of you will have more realistic expectations. It's very safe to imagine, as Blender wrote, that she was the girl of your dreams - because you did not know her in reality. Comparing her to a girl you deal with in reality is an unfair comparison on several different levels.

[midnightrambler]

If there was an online couple planning to meet in the future, like months away, but didn't work out and broke up before they could meet, do you guys think that means they won't work in real life too?

 

Because I had an online girlfriend who lives about 6 hours away from me but I didn't call her enough so she got real lonely and dumped me. And I regret everything and such, but I was just thinking that if we were a real couple then this would've never happened, because I personally don't like talking on the phone but I love hanging out so I would hang out with my girlfriend like any chance I had. If we were a real life couple, I'd have no problem with the phone because I wouldn't have to talk so long because we see each other a lot.

 

 

if she got real lonely i suspect she is someone that is very demanding of attention. That may be why she is online to begin with....tons of attention

[finalcloud13]

Hello again, all. Here's the layout (I am S, my ex is L, and my ex's current boyfriend is J):

 

L and J were originally together. They broke up. I don't know when or why.

L and I (S) got together. L and J still talked a lot together. I never knew he was her ex, because she never told me. She told me everyone she's been with before, but strangely, has left J out. Anyway, L dumped me (S) and got back together with J.

L and J for the first time meet in real life. They live 2 hours apart. I (S) am green with envy. I want to meet her real life, too. I live 8 hours away.

L and J are now together for the 2nd time twice as long as L and I (S) were together. L is going to UC Davis, and I (S) am going to UCLA. I am more farther apart now. J, luckily, is still close to L. UC Davis is not far from San Francisco. Lucky guy.

 

It seems that I am doomed, right? Not only has she been with him longer, but she also knows him in real life so he must be much more significant than I am. We are also going to separate colleges on the opposite ends of California, so wow, so much for any type of plan of seeing her in real life and trying to attract her that way. J is also 3 years older than L and I (S) and the older guys always seem to win. They're just more attractive somehow, I guess. Shoot. But, sadly, even with these dauntingly slim odds, I still can't throw in the towel. It's krazi-glued onto my hand.

[Batya33]

You're choosing not to throw in the towel in part because it is much safer to have these feelings from a distance and for someone you never met before than to have a real-life in person romantic relationship.

 

Good luck.

[midnightrambler]

throw in the towel....

[PreciousPrincess]

Unfortunately, some people fail to realize that the people in the cyber world are "real" people too. It's just easier to deceive someone on line than it is in reality. It sounds like it's time to let go. I'm sorry for your pain.

[Batya33]

Unfortunately, some people fail to realize that the people in the cyber world are "real" people too. It's just easier to deceive someone on line than it is in reality. It sounds like it's time to let go. I'm sorry for your pain.

 

Of course they are real but that doesn't mean that people can have a real romantic relationship with someone they have never met in person. To me that takes consistent in-person time together - at least once a week and at least over a period of a few months to even know if there is potential for a long term romantic relationship.

[finalcloud13]

The first time I'll see her is in June, because she invited me to her high school graduation. I already told her I'll go, so I guess that's one reason why I don't want to give in just yet. I want to see what she is like in person, and how things feel. I feel like real closure and accepting the reality can only come for me from actually seeing it in reality. Does this make sense?

[midnightrambler]

Unfortunately, some people fail to realize that the people in the cyber world are "real" people too. It's just easier to deceive someone on line than it is in reality. It sounds like it's time to let go. I'm sorry for your pain.

 

 

 

fanks for your concern:sad:

[midnightrambler]

Of course they are real but that doesn't mean that people can have a real romantic relationship with someone they have never met in person. To me that takes consistent in-person time together - at least once a week and at least over a period of a few months to even know if there is potential for a long term romantic relationship.

 

 

seems logical

[PreciousPrincess]

fanks for your concern Are you the op?

[finalcloud13]

Are you the op?

I'm sorry, but that made me laugh really hard, I don't know why. It's strangely hilarious.

[PreciousPrincess]

I'm sorry, but that made me laugh really hard, I don't know why. It's strangely hilarious.

 

Laughter is good for the soul

[finalcloud13]

LOL again, I don't know why, but I found myself laughing very hard at your post...

[midnightrambler]

all is good

[sweet_emilia]

i you want to move on like your ex never compare the girl u met on her quality.u still living in her past what you two shared. u cant move on if u still like that. u won't find ur true love