devast Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 Most of us in this forum started with so much confusions and a lot of questions...WHY? We are searching for answers and the right reasons for us to move on and heal the wounds caused by the separation or break-up... All we actually need is... CLOSURE... Nothing can heal us fast but CLOSURE... NC would give us closure in a sense that you have accepted that your ex is not coming back and realized many things about what went wrong and so many things you don't want you ex back anymore, in a certain amount of time.. What if just days or weeks after the break-up you find your ex with a new partner?Now that is a quick closure... You finally understand WHY? What if your ex is all worst than being nice to you... drug addict, alcoholic, sex maniac or however worse he can be?... That's a CLOSURE... That is WHY You don't need such partner in your life.. But then again... you may ask WHY did they do that to you? all you did was love your partner...So now you need another CLOSURE...but if we try to look at it... its about our EGO now.. you start to hate your ex.. Thats another CLOSURE.. You don't need them back... What if your ex told you "he/she just need sometime apart"..."he/she needs some space"? that is a tormenting way to break-up... There are a lot of questions left hanging and all of them needs CLOSURE...they gave you some hopes which you just don't know how much time and space they need and that you have to wait... In time my fellows....all the CLOSURE will come to us in time... Link to comment
Lovestragedies Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 Yes, I agree. But I also believe that most of the time you need to speak to the person yourself in order to receive closure. Sometimes the reasons we are given aren't the true reasons, following circumstances may lead us to assume things that aren't necessarily true, etc. People tend to have the wrong idea of moving on as well. It doesn't mean we must decide this person no longer exists, no longer be friends with them, no longer have feelings for them. But it's the realization that you will be able to love again, no matter what the circumstances were. Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 After three months of NC, the only closure I really needed to understand was that the ex did not want to be with me any longer. Whatever the true reasons may be, it's irrelevant at this point for me because I am without her. From that realization I was able to go forward. Link to comment
Lovestragedies Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 I can understand that. Such isn't the case for everyone. I needed closure in the sense that I felt I needed to understand why. I felt if I knew why, at least I would be able to know whether or not I could fix it. Link to comment
Murzilka Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 I agree about needing closure and I also would like to add that sometimes you need a series of closures. Sometimes one is just not enough. Sometimes you think you're over it and then you hit another wave and you need closure once again. Take care. Link to comment
Me and myself Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 I agree about needing closure and I also would like to add that sometimes you need a series of closures. Sometimes one is just not enough. Sometimes you think you're over it and then you hit another wave and you need closure once again. That's totally true, at least I feel that way. I believe that happens when we still didn't fully accepted the break-up. I don't have any hopes but there's somethings I'm still thinking about...I think it's my pride talking to me. Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Hmm yes true. It doesn't make it easier when they are nice does it? Link to comment
devast Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 It doesn't make it easier when they are nice does it? The closure here... "they used to be"... but weren't when they broke it off with you...however you don't have to hate them... we just have to accept it.. "they have changed their feelings for you"... but its hard to accept it, I know... "knock knock Hi! my name is EGO a.k.a. PRIDE".... Link to comment
beebee Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 i used to think, way back when, that closure was another term for something you couldnt put your finger on... anotherwords, it was bs... i realize now that it isnt... i personally, was left with many questions, but the main question was "why?"... i waited until i thought i would go out of my mind... then i called and asked... the reasons were lame... they were so lame and ridiculous that they were laughable... then i realized that he wanted "out"... period... end of story... the lame excuses were nothing more than that... excuses... he didnt feel the same way about me that he had before... so, there was my answer... i dont understand the dynamics of a relationship... i guess i never did or will... i thought naively that when someone says "i love you", that it means just that... they love you no matter what... i was wrong... beebee "love is like a shark... it has to keep moving forward or it will die... what we have here is a dead shark"... woody allen (annie hall) Link to comment
beebee Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 sorry enotaloners... my quote was wrong... this is the correct quote (i think)... lol "relationships are like sharks... they have to keep moving forward or they will die... what we have here is a dead shark"... woody allen (annie hall) Link to comment
Lovestragedies Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 i dont understand the dynamics of a relationship... i guess i never did or will... i thought naively that when someone says "i love you", that it means just that... they love you no matter what... i was wrong... In some cases, yes, that is true. I believed the same once. But considering he gave you excuses when the only reason was he wanted "out," I question his love for you in the first place. We make up our own theories on love. We cannot believe that true love involves butterflies and feelings. It doesn't. Feelings fluctuate, and love does not. Perhaps he came to the conclusion that he no longer "felt" for you, and believed that meant he no longer was in love with you. That is false. If they were merely feelings, then he never loved you in the first place. Link to comment
beebee Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 your right lovestragedies... he never did love me... ive understood that for a long time now... Link to comment
Lovestragedies Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 your right lovestragedies... he never did love me... ive understood that for a long time now... That has its upsides. Link to comment
devast Posted May 3, 2007 Author Share Posted May 3, 2007 What if just days or weeks after the break-up you find your ex with a new partner?Now that is a quick closure... You finally understand WHY? Finally, I got my closure (I hope)... I am badly hurt, but I am pretty much confident now to just look forward and move on... Well its not that I actually saw my ex with another guy... But she told me she's going out on a date... When she told me that I sent her an email, implying that she can't have me back if ever she realize one day that this guy is worse than me or realize she still really loves me... Then the following day she called me and by the way she talks...its like she's trying to justify why she's doing what she's doing, and she's confused... But to me... she can only be confused if this guy is showing her something for her to be confused... I think she's having a feeling for this guy now... so she sound disorganized about her actual feelings... that's it.... That's my closure... But I feel better... Coz now its way forward... no hopes... and no turning back... Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now