My sister and me

[i_am_me]

I am really hurt right now. My sister is pregnant and is having a home birth. Actually, let me back up a little.

 

I have seven sisters but my sister "L" is closest to me. Or so I thought. She has a 4 year old already who I babysit for at LEAST four times a week. She's an angel and I love her so much so I don't mind. I do a lot of stuff for "L" though. I go with her to appoitments she doesn't want to go to alone. I run places for her. I do everything she asks me to. No exaggeration. ANYways. As I said she is having a home birth. She already told me I could be there with her last month but apparently she changed her mind. She now tells me that she only wants our older sister "M" there and the midwife. It hurt my feelings very badly. I am going to be babysitting this baby every day after it's a week old because "L" goes to school. She already asked me to. Of course I said yes.

 

"L" has always looked out for others before herself and I always try to get her to put herself and her daughter first. She won't eat if there's not enough to go around, she get's up in the middle of the night to run a friend somewhere, etc. I tell her she needs to care for herself more. Especially now that she's pregnant. We've always agreed on a lot of things. She has been upset with "M" lately for not inviting "L" over when she invites everyone else over. "L" feels left out and so do I. I guess what I'm getting at is that "L" and I are a lot alike and both feel like outcasts in our family.

 

Sorry for getting so off topic. As I was saying though.

 

I am very upset and hurt that she uninvited me to be there when her child is born. I don't know how to tell her with out sounding like I'm throwing a fit. I know the birth is about her and her baby I just was very happy to be part of the experience. Which I am no longer.

 

Thank you for reading this and listening to me complain. Any advice?

 

-IAM

[adahy]

What about "L's" husband? All of this sounds kinda unusual to me?

[i_am_me]

She's not married. She's a single mother who is 22. Her daughter and the baby she is pregnant with have different fathers. The baby's dad is in jail. We recently discovered that he is psychotic and almost killed his last girlfriend. He is a pathelogical liar so no one can tell anything is wrong with him. Some of his stories were always kind of far fetched though. I never liked him and I told "L" that. She got mad at me but now she's okay with me because she realized that I was right. ANYways. He's in jail.

[agent1607307371]

I think she might be trying to become closer to this sister, or has been asked and was unable to say no.

 

I don't think it's selfish of you to be upset (and tell her) about the situation. Uninviting people to something so huge, especially when they are truly there for you, is really bad form imho.

 

That said, I think if you choose to voice your disappointment about the situation, do it in a way that isn't going to distress her too much.

[adahy]

She's not married. She's a single mother who is 22. Her daughter and the baby she is pregnant with have different fathers. The baby's dad is in jail. We recently discovered that he is psychotic and almost killed his last girlfriend. He is a pathelogical liar so no one can tell anything is wrong with him. Some of his stories were always kind of far fetched though. I never liked him and I told "L" that. She got mad at me but now she's okay with me because she realized that I was right. ANYways. He's in jail.

 

Sound like a lot going on! You've been a good sister and often in life we aren't rewarded by our good deeds. If people choose not to share aspects of their life w/ you, there's nothing you can do. I'm sure your sis appreciates what you've done, and maybe just didn't think about it. You have a right to feel the way you do, but try not to let it bother you. These things happen.

 

Also (I know this is unrelated), your sis needs to get on birth control or stop having unprotected sex. Two kids by 2 different fathers at 22?

 

You need to look out for yourself!! I don't care if it's family or not, you don't need to enable careless behavior. Don't get lost in her life or become her perpetual baby-sitter! It's nice having a free baby-sitter, etc., but don't let yourself get used in order to gain someone else's affection. That's a losing path every time. Every time. I'm not suggesting you turn your back on your sister, but look out for YOURSELF. Your sister needs some help, so don't become her "whipping-girl". Don't t take care of her problems at your own expense. It's nice if you want to help out so much, but that's not your obligation.

[Hope75]

Have you actually asked your sister what her reasons were for changing her mind?

 

Perhaps before you get too upset, just asking her in a non accusatory way (as in, "L, I was really looking forward to being there when the baby was born, and I feel a bit hurt that you have changed your mind about me being there. Is there any reason that you did that?") and seeing what she says might help you understand where she's coming from.

 

Without asking her, we can assume all we want, but it seems best to go to the source and find out for certain, don't you think?

[BellaDonna]

I am going to be babysitting this baby every day after it's a week old because "L" goes to school. She already asked me to. Of course I said yes.

 

It's wonderful that you are responsible and help your family. I'm sure you must be very mature for your age for your sister to have so much trust in you.

 

But when I see your story, this is what comes to mind: You are 15 and should be doing more of what 15-year-olds do: spending time with your friends, focusing on your school work, enjoying hobbies, and having some time for YOU too. Watching a one week old baby every day is a lot for you to take on. You need to live your life too.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should not help your family. But what you describe seems like a heck of a lot of weight to be put on your shoulders at this young age.

 

An aunt should be an aunt- not a mother. It's your sister's job to care for the life she will bring into this world.

 

Especially now that your sister is reacting in a distant way towards you with the birth- perhaps you should create some distance there yourself and not say yes to her all the time. I think it would be healthier for all involved.

 

BellaDonna

[i_am_me]

Hey thanks for your replies. I am actually home schooled so I do nothing all day pretty much. "L" does have two babies by different fathers, yes, but they are four years apart. She still is friends with her first baby's father.

 

I love my nieces and nephews. They are my life. I have a very close family.

 

The woman who is delivering the baby delivered "L"'s first. She also delivered me and all of my sisters and brother. I have seen a two and a half births before (my little sisters and half of my nephews). "M" does have kids but she isin't really that close to "L". "L" is always mad at her. (She's kind of stubborn and tempramatic especially now that she's pregnant). I hang out with my sisters all day anyway. They are my friends. I have few friends outside my family but the ones I do have are very close to me.

[rocio]

I'm having a home birth and one of the main reasons I chose that is because I want privacy. I don't want alot of people watching me scream and cry like a lunatic, poo and bleed all over the place, and completely lose control. I agree with Ellie that she likely wants women who have been through childbirth to be present. And perhaps wants as few people there as possible. I also agree that she might not want to traumatise you.

 

It wasn't very nice of her to change her mind, but perhaps she's becoming more apprehensive about the big day and reconsidering her original plans. I know you would like to be there, but don't be too hurt if you don't get to be. She will call you as soon as the baby is born.

[spartacuse]

i think Hazey amber r completely right , but im sure in the same time .. she loved u , and for that she dont want you to suffer during her childbirth.

when she is ok after birth , asked her about that , and dont judge her for one mistake.. may be u will learn from her some thing u dont touch

be happy of her brith and her baby , dont make this matter spoil ur happiness of the new baby.. be optimistic

god bless all of u