He says he loves me...actions speak louder then words..right?

[luvmykids]

Wow luvmykids, I feel like our situations are almost identical- we even share the same birthday!

 

I ended it yesterday (probably our millionth break up) however this time, I mean it. For the past few weeks I just got so fed up and tired of it all.

Its when he starts texting, emailing and showing up at my door that makes it 10 times harder. I really hope he doesnt contact me. And if he does I have to be so so strong as I cannot go back.

 

Its so hard but I keep focusing ont he light at the end of the tunnel and have to remind myself it will be worth it in the long run.

 

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in this situation? NO!!

IM just so sick of it all.. I want to call him up and chew his butt! where would that get me anyway..having a bad moment right now..I want to scream!!!

he knows how badly I was hurt by my exhusband and that although ive dated,,I havent opened up to anyone until i started seeing him...slow learner i am i guess!

he knows I put up with similar crap for yrs with the exhusband...maybe hes jsut waiting for me to really blow up at him, which I wont...sometimes I think hes just trying to get a reaction out of me? some people are just warped that way!

[luvmykids]

I know about the being strong thing..Its what i fear the most..he can be soooo charming and convincing, I want to believe him..I just dont anymore. I hope thats enough to keep me strong.

Each time though he comes on stronger and stronger until i give in. He gets friends invovled, am I s'pose to stop talking to them as well? I just feel so stuck!

[annalise23]

Its making me laugh how similar our situations are.

Last time this happened and we split, I got a 'promise note'. he promised all these things and oops! 2 months later he breaks them.

 

Ask yourself this, if you fall back into the relationship, will things change??

I know when we are arguing, at the time my head is saying 'walk away, run' but right now im upset and running back to him is the easier option. For now. Until next week when something else happens and we have a big row!

 

Honestly it is hard I get all the charming and all that. But its too late!! Where is all this when we are together/? Why wait til he thinks he has lost me?

 

Tell yourself the same. Try keep busy. It is hard and time is a healer. You know all the cliches!

 

But just picture your life in 10yrs time from now. If you are with him, what do you see? Happiness? Or the same old stuff, different day and no doubt worse as time has gone on?

 

Or a new life one with someone who truly deserves you and treat you right all the time, in the relationship, not when you have sent them packing?

I hope I take my own advice adn stay strong!!

[ImThatGirl]

Is that you in your pic?

If so, we look a lot alike...weird huh?

 

Yep - that's me. And yes - that's interesting that we look alot alike!

[ghost69]

to luv, you should tell your friends to not feed into it and keep him away. you are trying to get out of his life and let him out of yours. if they are your true friends, they will step back, maybe apologize, and understand that you need their help in this.

 

to thatgirl, cutie.

[ImThatGirl]

So are we going to start a club or what?????

 

An addicted to unhealthy relationships anonymous club?

 

You know for me, I think it clicked this time for once! But I still go through the same emotions. It's hard!

 

One thing that I finally realized this time is that the hopes of a "wonderful future and family" together were completely unrealistic.

 

After he walked out last time, I realized that if I continued those hopes, I could end up married to a man that seems numb, callous, etc. etc. etc. A man that had the potential to neglect my wants and needs until he felt I might leave, then to grab me up.

So I came to this conclusion:

1) If we ended up married, I'd have to suck up many things I believe in, many hopes, dreams, and desires. And just deal with it. (not my personality.) That for me would definitely knock my confidence and stability.

thereforeeee, our divorce risk would be 85%. He walked out on me anytime I spoke my mind. I'm sure if he ever gets married, he'd walk out on a marriage as well. I don't think he has the capacity to love or care or work through tough times.

[ImThatGirl]

Question to you all is - do your ex's have the ability to work through hard times?

 

Will they ever?

 

Why invest so much time and energy into them when we know the outcome?

 

Why prolong the inevitable? I did forever....

[luvmykids]

Hey guys, thanks for the support! Im really stressed right now. IM going to come back on here later..Kids have homework and dinner time soon.

I would just like to mention that some of my problem is that hes acting just like my ex husband and that sucks!

[luvmykids]

Question to you all is - do your ex's have the ability to work through hard times?

 

Will they ever?

 

Why invest so much time and energy into them when we know the outcome?

 

Why prolong the inevitable? I did forever....

 

NO they never will because if you ask them they dont have the problem..we do! everything is fine with them and if we dont like it its not their problem!

right ladies? WRONG!!! good bye to the LOSERS who have no life and want to run ours because "they dont have a problem"

 

OHHHHH NOOOO...I think im at the really pissed off stage...yipeee, soon the i dont give a crap stage!

[annalise23]

Its so funny because he was married for 9 months and has had so many relationships, all lasting around 6-9months. He has done the same thing to each one. I thought i could cope and even 'change' him! ha

 

I think we do need to start a club!!

 

 

I'm that girl, I so often tried to picture my future and every time I saw the same thing. Nightmare

 

If I go back with him, ultimately I will become a mose who does not speak when upset or hurt. I will allow him to treat me how he wants through fear of yet another argument or him leaving.

Anytime I spoke my mind it resulted in heated out of control argument. And most of the time I would approach it calm and say 'hunny, please dont talk about your ex girlfriend all the time. I know you have a past but i would prefer not to hear it. Not wanting to cause a fight here, but please respect my feelings'

 

Then he lost it. Had a huge row. I really cant see what else i could have done to prevent this argument!??!?

 

This is one of thousands of arguments.

 

I have to keep writing them down to remind myself how bad it was.

[ghost69]

you are getting there luv.

 

i admit my faults in relationships and try and work on them. i never told my exs it was their fault unless it really was.

[annalise23]

I have gone through the angry stage, crying stage, i soooo cant wait for the 'i dont give a crap' stage!!!

 

Stay strong ladies, lets keep posting. I know it helps me so much!

[ImThatGirl]

I'm kinda feeling like I'm at the "don't give a care" stage. Pllllease say it's real!

 

You are all such a big help!

 

Luvs, How ya doing?

Analise - I know exactly what you mean - didn't matter how sweet we could be, that's what we were supposed to be in addition to quiet and weak, eh?

 

Ghost - Thanks and um - CAn ya teach all of these other ones???

 

--- Wait - did I mention my ex put my cell/car charger on my doorknob this morning or last night? Thought about being my usual sweet self and sending him an email saying thanks! I haven't done it. I'm staying strong! Besides, he doesn't deserve my appreciation!

 

-- It does however make me sick to know he was here....

[luvmykids]

HI, Im back and not sure how I feel..Im a strong woman. tonight my hot water heater blew..if I wasnt so distracted by all this crap I would have remembered to check the circut braker..I know this....if it doesnt kick in soon by resetting the timer then I'm SOL....

 

I thought about calling him, but I didnt!

I just want things to level off for me soon...I know, I know..mole hills seem like mountains right now..just another reason to be done...

If he is going to take up so much space in my head, I should start charging rent!

[ImThatGirl]

Absolutely!!!!!!!

 

So many things we can handle easily but they are completely magnified when they are consuming our mind!

 

Stay strong, Luv! Stay Strong!!!!!

[annalise23]

I'm kinda feeling like I'm at the "don't give a care" stage. Pllllease say it's real!

 

 

 

--- Wait - did I mention my ex put my cell/car charger on my doorknob this morning or last night? Thought about being my usual sweet self and sending him an email saying thanks! I haven't done it. I'm staying strong! Besides, he doesn't deserve my appreciation!

 

-- It does however make me sick to know he was here....

 

 

 

 

My ex used to do the same thing!! One night I went outside aand found my pajama bottoms attached to my wingmirror!! Made me laugh and feel anger.

 

Another time it was some chocolate i bought him as i gift just sitting there on the drive way. Pathetic!!

 

I luckily went out this evening to avoid sitting in and feel low. Feel better but at stages id feel upset but still adamant im doing the right thing. Im starting to slowly not think about the good times (few and far between and always at the beggining of the relationship!!) and remembering the bad. The lies, the way i was made to feel if i even so much as breathed a word of how he made e feel. How dare I!!

 

Its going to take time i guess to stop feeling like an emotional rollercoaster. Just keep telling myself what will happen if i go back for a quick fix to take away the pain now. It will all start again in 1 month, 1 week... They cant change.

[annalise23]

luv

 

I hope your heater worked!!

 

Well im off to try and sleep. I really hope i manage to get a good nights sleep. Ill talk to you all in the morning!

 

Lets stay strong!!!

[SexySadie7]

Wow.. annalize.. that's a scary revelation cuz my ex's marriage didn't last long either... only about a year or two and they even had a children from it!

I don't know.. but the lady's revelation about her ex blowing up at nothing and going into a rage rings true for me on one occasion too. He became angry.. in a very scary way! I didn't want to say anything further to fuel his rage and feel helpless and couldn't even think of what to say to him!

Trust me.. i'm very seldom at a loss for words.. but this kind of rage was crippling to my spirit. We left his place in silence. I cannot be with someone I feel like i'm walking on eggshells with either. I even e-mailed him once when he was being really spiteful and complained about the behavior. He never even acknowledged gettting it.. though he was very curious about what I said in it....

I had asked him, after we got back together, to not read it.. but he insisted he wanted to...

I bet he read it, was furious, but also cognizant that everything I wrote about was true.. that he was being insensitive and rude.. but he would never own up to it!

I found that troubling. How can you resolve conflicts when you won't admit you have some??

[ImThatGirl]

How are we doing today, Friends? I haven't seen luv on here for a bit! Luuuuvvvv, oh luuuuvvvvv - Where are you?

 

That brings a thought - Where the heck is LOVE?

 

Referring to Anna's post - I think we are all doing the right thing by keeping busy and refusing to allow thoughts of them to take over all of our thoughts. It is hard though! I go through thoughts of - this sucks, it's not J to I feel so unloyal, etc. etc. etc.

 

My ex sent me a few messages on myspace last night. Now I'm wondering if he hoped for a response to his generosity of bring my charger. Added a couple songs to my myspace: Freebird and Don't come around here no more.

[annalise23]

Hey

 

Well the morning is always worse for me. Had a good evening with a friend and managed to sleep all night. But right now im missing him again. But just cant be bothered crying about it which i suppose is good!!

 

I dont how I would react if I got messages on myspace, I have not even logged on since we split because if i change my status to single, he would get spiteful. If I leave it at in a relationship, he will think i am not serious. So i cant win!!!

 

 

I went to bed last night with the ' i am so right' attitude. Its not so strong today but hopefully as the day goes on ill feel stronger.

 

Did you reply to his messgaes imthatgirl?

[annalise23]

sexysadie!

 

I think a common theme here for us is that our ex would always come back AFTER the event with the apologies and charm. But its too late then. He fears he is losing you, so quickly backtracks, even though 1 hour before he could be saying nasty things. I find it quite odd!!

 

It just annoys me that i did all these nice things for my man, I really did. I took him back adn said we would work together on his problems.I was just kidding myself this could happen. You cant change someone when they are set in their ways like that, as much as you want to. I know my ex really wants to change, but it would take some really hard work and i think he would always drift back to being defensive as that is all he has known.

 

aegghhh i hate this. Fast forward a week please!!

[ImThatGirl]

Hey

 

Well the morning is always worse for me. Had a good evening with a friend and managed to sleep all night. But right now im missing him again. But just cant be bothered crying about it which i suppose is good!!

 

I dont how I would react if I got messages on myspace, I have not even logged on since we split because if i change my status to single, he would get spiteful. If I leave it at in a relationship, he will think i am not serious. So i cant win!!!

 

 

I went to bed last night with the ' i am so right' attitude. Its not so strong today but hopefully as the day goes on ill feel stronger.

 

Did you reply to his messgaes imthatgirl?

 

Cheer UP Sunshine!!! Here's some rays from the carebears...! Lol - Mornings alone are the worst for me too.

 

I hope you feel much better as the day passes too!

 

Out of seven months of this, 2 weeks ago was the first time I ever changed my status to "single." It made it so final. It hurt to change it but I had to. He in turn, created a new myspace page (he deleted his while we were together) indicating he's there for dating and serious relationships.

 

Nope - haven't replied to his messages. Really, really, really trying not to! He's also sent one forwarded email to me. First forwarded email I got all week.

 

Bleh. jerk.

[annalise23]

These guys really are all alike!! My ex deleted his myspace then created a new page (he deleted it as a token of love to me because whilst together he was chatting up other women!!) But then a week ago he suddenly wanted a new page to keep in touch with friends. (And no doubt all the women to flirt with again!!)

 

Now im geting angry again!

 

DO NOT REPLY TO HIS EMAILS!!! He sent you forward one which is so easy. He hasn't actualy said anything, but is trying to keep in your mind by reminding you he is still there.

 

Although I did not log into myspace so the date hasnt changed, I checked my page. I have a quiz on there and he had completed it and was up on the leaderboard. Felt weird but its his way of saying 'im still here' without having to do any work.

 

So glad you are on here imthatgirl. Feeling better already!!

 

Lets keep up the good work and the second we think of replying to them, jump on here and write about it. We need NC!!!

 

He has alot of stuff at my house, and luckily i know he is working all weekend. So if he asks to pick it up it wont be til at least monday.

 

 

[ghost69]

imthatgirl, i've tried teaching friends how to act with women. to no surprise, they don't listen. so i have become the guy that swoops in and gets a lot of action cause i know how to. i don't swoop in on friends' exs though. that is a bad thing in my book. not good karma. don't get me wrong, i'm a tough guy with a momma's boy sweet side. it takes a lot for a woman to get on the momma's boy side though.

[ImThatGirl]

Annalise - -- - -- PACK HIS STUFF UP AND DELIVER IT TO HIS HOUSE WHILE HE IS WORKING ----------------> PLEASE?

 

I'm glad you are all on here as well. Where is Luv? I think we high-jacked her thread. Maybe we should create another? Altho I think our words are good reminders for her!

 

I definitely won't reply to the myspace or emails.

 

Thank you for your help!