RayKay Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Yeah I feel good about it. We have VERY different fighting styles. He fights by saying stupid things and calls names because he can't string together an argument when he is steamed up. I am very composed in fights and usually "fight like a lawyer" if you know what I mean... I debate. I think you both need to take an attitude towards "figuring things out together" rather than trying to "win". Calling names, or "debating" are not the proper ways to approach the situation. Relationship conflicts should not be about whom can hurt the other more, or whom is more "right", or about making the other one feel small. If the tempers are too high at the time of the conflict, then together decide to take some time to chill apart for an hour or two, figure things out and then come back together to discuss the problem without being defensive OR offensive. As to why this is happening in first place, I suspect it is a way for one or the other of you to test one another in terms of expectations of how the other should act or react. This may not be a conscious act at all. But when one party does not get the reaction they want, it escalates. I also suspect it occurs as there are some sub-issues that are not getting resolved, so they just keep popping up. Link to comment
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