everyday struggle

[istillluvu06]

Was wondering if anyone here is struggling any mental ailments like being bi-polar or otherwise that led to the demise of your relationship?

[EvaGina]

I was depressed for ages. I also suffer from a mish-mash of other disorders. They didnt so much kill a relationship as generally stop relationships form starting in the first place

 

Its not easy for people to respect you if you cant leave the house while sober.

 

Are you ok? Whats up?

[emma34]

yah. ive been diagnosed with bipolar (although i think my symptoms have changed to mostly depressive since). the hardest struggle i think with this kind of mental illness IS romantic relationships...everyday i have to check in with myself, because often i have totally irrational feelings and i think many arguments are because im unhappy and don't know who to direct that at.

 

its frustrating especially when your partner doesn't understand your illness. with my current boyfriend ive tried to educate him as much as possible so when i do get down or cry for no reason, he doesn't freak out.

 

i would say my ex and i broke up for various reasons, but my depression was part of it.

[shadow34]

MY friend I still, Emma, eva and anyone else ....

 

Here is a place you are not alone.

 

One of my best friends is bipolar and has been diagnosed ever since she was 16, she is now 35, we have been friends for 23 years.

 

She had a string of relationships after relationships that never worked out...basically a lot of the guys just couldnt deal, well I would actually say couldnt be bothered being educated enough to realise that people with mental health problems are just as capable as any one else, they just have more work to do.

 

She is now married to the most fantastic man on the planet. She cannot have children because it is adviced she doesnt because of her illness and is a fantastic surrogate mother to my two boys. I have raised my children they are 12 and nearly 8 to be well educated in mental illness. First of all cause that is my career and second of all I want them to grow up with a healthy respect for people. They love going to the psych ward and visiting all the supermans and wonder womans...lol...children are so beautiful and innocent...when my friend has a relapse and has to go in..my youngest says" Auntie Jane, have you lost the plot again" and it is meant whole heartedly.

 

Emma, your ex wasnt deserving of someone as special and beautiful as you are. The only thing is you have to believe in yourself and that you are truly wothy of a decent loving relationship.

 

The right man will come along for every woman on this forum experiencing heartbreak and any decent, caring, loving and PATIENT man would stand

by you and learn all he has to , to support you with whatever your needs may be.

 

So chin up, give the ex as my children say "the rude finger" and just you wait someone spectacular is really going to come along and make you feel like you are wonder woman !!!!!

 

Hugs to you !

[GQstatus]

I know a handful of people who are bi-polar. My ex being one. My brother being another. I also know a couple friends who are, and choose not to be on meds for it, which I think is the biggest mistake you can make.

 

My ex is one of them. She has EXTREME highs and even EXTREMER lows. She will go on with everyday life like everything is fine, until she breaks. And when she breaks, you don't want to be the one around. She will cry HYSTERICALLY and say the most mean things to anyone and everyone. She realizes this and explains it as "tunnel vision". That nothing matters to her during these times, and she can't see straight to care. She doesn't have much, if any self respect. Dabbles in and out of different drugs. And the saddest part is, she's only 19, still living with her mother. Her mother offers no support cuz shes the EXACT SAME WAY. 48 yrs old, never been married. Uses drugs, sleeps with numerous men. It's a cycle, that will continue itself unless she gets help.

 

My brother on the other hand. Went from being the most popular high school jock. Great football player. Millions of friends, went to college for a while, had a good job, seemed very happy. Until 3 years back, my mother walked in on him cutting himself, in tears. NO ONE suspected he was doing this. He broke down to her saying he didn't know what was wrong with him. She acted fast, got him into therapy, and he was soon diagnosed with bi-polar, and put on meds.

 

It took him a good year to get back to his "normal" state. He still had those highs and lows, but the medication finally started showing improvements in him. Now 3 years later, he's got his own place again, is working 2 jobs, and seems as happy as can be. He acknowledges his disease, and still has those lows sometimes, but he always pulls through.

 

I've seen people on here say to stay away from relationships with people with diseases like this, and I think it's sad. They talk about it like these people are monsters. I think as long as you accept the fact you have bi-polar and take the steps you NEED to, to help yourself, you can be just as "normal" (whatever that is) as everyday people. Be honest with yourself, and the people around you.

 

I also have a good friend who was/is bi-polar. Took meds for 4-5 years, and quit taking them because she didn't feel like she needed them anymore. She's been off them for 2 years, and seems fine. She told me she no longer feels the depressed state she was in, and gets along just fine now. Which seems to be true, she's due to have a baby ANYDAY, and is happy as can be.

 

So I think it just depends on the person. Don't get too down on yourself. There's people out there that will love you no matter what.

[shadow34]

Well Said GQ,

 

and you sound like one of those well educated, decent men out there if I say so myself..

 

I think people seem to have this misconception about medication, especially for mental illnesses...heck people even hate calling them that, but thats what it is, its nothing to be ashamed of.

 

I am not an advocate of medication without just cause and when properly diagnosed, and in the case of bipolar the difference can be seen for sure and the person has a whole new grasp on life. My friend, and clients of mine I have seen go through so many different meds to find one that works and I would have to say they are all doing really well....

 

You could say unfortunately my friend wont be able to come off the meds...but I say thank goodness, fortunately the technology has allowed us to develop these drugs so that those that are affected can have a shot at a more productive, happy fulfilled life...

 

I blame, in Australia the lack of funding, although that is about to change for mental health services. I also blame the government as I think education is the key to developing the young adults of today and thats something we steer away from. Sure the government will throw money into "crap" ( thats all I can think of calling all that meaningless waste of money", but when it comes to the people they dont give a hoot!!!

 

Im glad your brother is doing good hun and your ex well its very sad but like i say, " you can lead a horse to water but you cant hold their head in and drown them

 

Thankyou kindly for sharing your personal experience, Im sure it will help a lot of people understand that there are people who will love you for you out there and that there are caring individuals such as yourself whom give up their time to respond to those in need.

 

Hugs

[istillluvu06]

wonder where all the decent men are that would stand by and love you through good times and bad?? I thought I found him, I was wrong!!

[disgruntledbaker]

this is going to sound a little bitter and hurtful, but being what i consider to be a decent guy...

 

how long should a decent guy stand by and get torn apart daily or weekly or monthly only to have a few minutes or hours or days of happiness. i used to feel that one good day was worth a hundred bad ones, but that hundred bad ones really takes a toll on you...

[istillluvu06]

you are 100% right, it isn't fair. Nobody deserves to be treated badly for any reason. I understand both sides cause I'm going through it now. I'm not angry at him for walking away, I'm angry at me for being how I was and losing someone I adored. It is too painful to explain how it feels to hurt someone you love so much and not really mean to. How can you ever take back all the mean things you've said or done or ever be trusted again? prob never and that to me the worst kind of pain.

[disgruntledbaker]

first step to earning back trust is to become trustworthy.

 

make the changes in yourself and make sure they're real instead of a fascade. then regularly prove it. consistntly be that trustworthy person and don't break your comittment for anything. tehere are no excuses.

 

final step is time. there may not be enough time left in a person's lifespan to prove that the change is made, but that doesn't make it any less important that the change be made.