Her strange behavior

[chet]

[i've edited this down a lot to just get to the point...]

 

This women friend of mine, that I've known for a few months and see frequently, but I am not dating, has made some unexpected comments to me like "you should let me live with you", and "you should buy me a car", and "you should buy me a snowboard". She is 20 years younger than me and I never expected her to flirt with me given our age difference, but I'm confused by this behavior... if I ever call her on these comments she just says she is joking. My friends say she is flirting, but it almost feels to me more like gold digger behavior. I used to work for the largest software company in the world, and there is a stereotype that we are all loaded. Anyway, I normally respond with something like "what's in it for me", but I'm very curious what others think about this. She gets away with this because she is very adorable (my friends words) but I'm starting to get annoyed by the behavior, and have mixed feelings about if I want to hang out with her... I guess part of me is flattered that a women this young spends as much time with me as she does (I have not gotten her any gifts btw, not for xmas or for her bday).

[Dako]

You could tell her she's annoying you, or avoid her altogether.

 

I sense a conflict, though. Why else would you mention feeling flattered and your friend's comment about her adorability?

 

Be careful.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

she could be a flirt AND a golddigger, as you say... and she is certainly being direct, going right for the money with comments like 'you should buy me a car...'

 

there is an old joke that goes, 'whenever a pretty younger woman reaches into an older man's pants, what she is really looking for is his wallet...'

 

so yeah, she may be adorable, but may also be trying to use that to get to your wallet... some men don't care, i.e., they see it as a fair trade off, their money for her youthful adorableness (it that word?)...

 

but then, you have to look at such a woman as a pure user, because she is willing to exchange a relationship for money, not too much better than a hooker, just a really well paid one...

 

i worked with a man who was in his 40s and left his wife for his 20 year old secretary who chased him mercilessly because he was very well paid (yeah, i know, a stereotype, but true), and now that he is ready for retirement, and she is in her low 40s, she dumped him, is taking half his money and retirement income, and has run off with a younger man...

 

so flirt away, but be careful. you may be flattered by the attention, but she may be manipulating you for her own purposes, which do NOT sound like love or real caring for you...

[Dako]

Gold diggers come in all ages.

[chet]

Yeah, avoiding her is tough... I don't want to explain why exactly to avoid giving away too much personal information. I see her 3 times a week... I could find somebody else to do what she does for me (think sports) but she is very good at what she does. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt that she is just joking when she says those things, I'm just not sure.

[ghost69]

hopefully she is just joking. i wouldn't buy anybody anything like that 'just because'.

 

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[TheRedQueen]

I tend to love my fellow women, but this particular woman having said such statements as, "you should buy me a car", and "you should buy me a snowboard", is not only gross, but is unacceptable!!!

 

Basically this girl's MO is, you should buy me things because I'm young and pretty.

 

So the ball's in your court, if you want to get involved with her, will you be willing to pay the price?

[chet]

No, I have no intention of buying her anything, or getting involved with her beyond our sports partnership, what I'm curious about is if anybody really jokes like this... because she always backpedals and says she is just joking around. I've just never heard 'jokes' like this before.

[rocio]

No, I have no intention of buying her anything, or getting involved with her beyond our sports partnership

 

It doesn't sound like you're making that clear to her. Responding with "what's in it for me?" kinda sounds like you're trying define the terms of some kind of prostitution deal to me. The next time she makes one of these comments, look her straight on and say "sure, will you buy me a house?". or just tell her to go to that hot place where the devil hangs out.

[chet]

It doesn't sound like you're making that clear to her. Responding with "what's in it for me?"

Yes, you are right. I think I was trying to play along with the 'joke'... I didn't know what else to say.

[ghost69]

you could respond with "you aren't my daughter." that ought to shut her up. if this is what you are going for of course. sorry, it just sounds like she is trying to milk you.

 

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[Altruist]

Yeah, sure sound like a gold digger. You could stop seeing her if her behaviour bothers you though.

[ghost69]

you need to flat out tell her that it was funny the first few times, but it's getting old and she isn't getting anything.