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[Gracelove]

I took off work today!!!

I'm so proud of myself. I was really, really depressed and I needed the rest.

And I went swimming!!!! I'm so proud of myself! I woke up late.

There were quite a few people in the pool area. I said to myself, okay I'm fat, this is embarrasing, but who cares; and I did it!!!

It felt soooooooooooooo great!!!! Exercise really does help with depression. I feel much better than I did before.

More optimistic about my future.

I'll make myself go swimming everyday.

Okay, now there is something I'm not proud of.

I'm thinking of giving my kitten away. I'm tired of cleaning feces off of the floor everyday.

She's always under me and I'm constantly tripping over her, and if I fall I always get hurt because I'm trying not to hurt her.

She's always in crawling under me.

I don't know why I feel this way, but I do.

Here she comes right now. I know she'll walk on my computer as always.

I used to love cats, espicially kittens. They always put a smile on my face, but I don't feel that way right now.

My boyfriend's cat is adorable!!!! I love him so much!!!

And then there's the cat hair. It never bothered me before.

But now.....I'm so tired of the cat hair.

It's not that bad with my kitten, but with my boyfriend's cat it is.

Maybe I should take my medicine again.

I really want to give my cat away, cat's are suppose to be easy to train.

I think I might feel guilty about giving her away after I recover from this mood I'm in.

I so angry because I really feel like going back to my school triggered this relapse.

I just want to lay in bed all day and cry.

I didn't want to get here again.

I feel like I sound so stupid when I'm talking. Like, things aren't flowing, like I can't say things correctly anymore.

I don't want to go on medicine again.

You can't drink on anti-depressants, there are side-effects, it's just too much.

But my brain, it's not cooperating again. It's like it's moving really slow and it's not putting things together. And I feel like crying because I'm so aware of this.

I'm tired, but I can't rest.

I don't want medicine again. It makes my mind work better, but it supresses my emotions and feelings. I don't feel human anymore. And the people around me don't like the way I am on medicine.

I exercised today and my body feeling much better.

Are there any natural herbs or supplements I can take to help with the depression and CPTSD???

[Blue Skittles]

I have problems with depression too. And I find exercise is like a miracle for this. I don't take any medication because I hate the way I feel so indifferent when I'm on it. It actually started making me crazy. So yeah, I exercise every day and I feel a lot better. Also make sure you are eating healthy foods. And keep yourself busy. I don't know of any natural things that work other than this.

 

As for the cat, I would suggest you give her away now if you are having second thoughts. It is waaaay easier to give away a kitten to a good home because most people want cats when they are young. If things like cat hair and that are driving you nuts now it will only continue to drive you crazy. Best off to give him to a loving home. Theres nothing wrong with that, you can still love cats and love animals, but if you are having trouble taking care of him maybe its not for you.