Dads, tell us YOUR stories!

[Royal Members]

Dear eNotalone new dads, long-time dads, and expecting dads-to-be...

 

With so much attention paid to the expecting mom-to-be, expecting dads are often standing somewhat on the sidelines and might feel they have to be an unwavering bastion of support.

 

So wouldn't it be great to have a forum where you could express your own concerns, and/or give advice to new parents based on what you learned?

 

We want to hear your take on the feelings and emotions you experienced when you learned you were going to be a father, or, if you're already one, about the first year or so after you had your child.

 

New and expecting parents everywhere avidly await your responses!

[Iceman26]

My wife is almost 5 months pregnant with our first child. We find out what the sex of the baby is today!

 

I have to say it is a weird feeling to know that I am going to be a Dad. My own father was never really around and died two years ago, and my stepfather is a good man but doesn't understand me nor does he really care to, so I wonder if the things I missed from my own father - child relationship will affect me as a parent somehow.

 

I worry a lot about being a good father, and teaching our child the right things. I think about all the things I didn't like about my upbringing, and the things I did like about my upbringing, and hope to use that to help our child.

[Ash]

Dear eNotalone new dads, long-time dads, and expecting dads-to-be...

 

Good heavens ... I'm all three!!

I'm sure I'll be posting.

 

I think for me one of the toughest times to keep things in check was when our latest baby was due to arrive.

 

My partner (who I tend to refer to as M on here) was having a scheduled C section. In her prenatal visits, her doctor choose a due date and even though M and the ultrasound tech thought it should be a week sooner he wouldn't change it. Now, M has to have a section due to other complications from earlier births (the previous two were by section as well) and it was felt certainly not worth the risk of a v birth.

 

Of course, as you can well guess, M went into labour a few days before the scheduled date. This in itself was a very new experience for her as her first two were also scheduled but the dates were closer and it was all done preceding any labour pains.

 

We weren't really quite expecting it, and M started to panic a bit. We had to figure out what to do with the older boys while we went to the hospital. The person we'd arrange to have the boys was tricky to contact. It was pouring rain and it had just turned dark.

 

We did get hold of the friend and she could still take the boys but she had no transportation so we had to drop them off. Her house was in the opposite direction to the hospital. Trying to drive smoothly, yet briskly without being dangerous, or attracting any unwanted attention took an effort of will.

 

We did get to the hospital without incident, and up to the birthing suite no problem. The labour pains weren't really all the bad, and she wasn't all that progressed so it didn't turn out to be a big panic.

 

The scheduled surgery was elevated to "emergency" surgery though. Which in itself is kinda cool, because all of a sudden doctors and OR nurses start appearing out of the woodwork, prepping her, the operating theatre and even me ...

 

Dads DO have a place in a c section OR, they are briefed beforehand, gowned and masked, welcomed by all the staff, well treated and encouraged to support their partners.

[Massari]

My wife is almost 5 months pregnant with our first child. We find out what the sex of the baby is today!

 

I have to say it is a weird feeling to know that I am going to be a Dad. My own father was never really around and died two years ago, and my stepfather is a good man but doesn't understand me nor does he really care to, so I wonder if the things I missed from my own father - child relationship will affect me as a parent somehow.

 

I worry a lot about being a good father, and teaching our child the right things. I think about all the things I didn't like about my upbringing, and the things I did like about my upbringing, and hope to use that to help our child.

Congradulations to you and your wife man.. I wish you a life of happiness worth your wife and your soon to be borne child.

[Iceman26]

Thank you my friend, that means a lot to me. I wish you luck in finding a good girl!

[Ash]

I worry a lot about being a good father, and teaching our child the right things. I think about all the things I didn't like about my upbringing, and the things I did like about my upbringing, and hope to use that to help our child.

 

I think the fact of it is, if you're worried about being a good dad then you more than likely will be because your head and your heart are in the right place.

 

There is no manual for parents. Not only that, good dads come in various varieties. Take care of yourself and your wife now, and if you do then taking care of your new baby will be the most natural thing in the world.

 

Reading parenting magazines I find helps sometimes. Not so much because I tend to use the advice from them (although some of it is very good), but more so the fact that even all the great parents that write the articles struggle themselves on occasion with their kids. It's helps me see that they're families are real too, and that even the best of them have issues to be dealt with.

 

There will be tough times on occasion, and times where you've no idea what to do. But you'll get past them as they come up as long as you care about your family, and you'll all grow together as a result.

 

Congratulations!! You're effectively already a dad, and it sounds like you're already doing okay. Enjoy the first few months in particular, they're the time of biggest change in your baby and you'll want to be there for all of it!

[Iceman26]

Thank you Ash, I appreciate it! I am doing my best to take care of her.

 

Yes I have been reading some articles and I read a book called "My Boys Can Swim" that my wife got for me. It was pretty funny...I especially loved the title.

 

Yeah I am doing ok. I think my biggest worries have to do with my job/career situation, because I want to be able to provide for the child and I am not currently happy with where I am in job-life right now. I really need to figure out what I am going to do over the course of the next few months, but I am stuck.

[Massari]

Iceman... I have no doubt that you will be an amazing father.. you have a good head on your shouder.

[ScreenagerX]

I am 30 my daughter is 2 & a half (will be 3 in June)

 

My wife & I never wanted kids but towards out late 20's alot of our friends started having them. Of course we ended up as the occasional babysitters so parents could have a night off/out. Basically we found that they weren't so bad, not clucky as such but the realisation that if we left it much longer to have kids then the chances of the being complications or difficulties greatly increased. So my wife went off the pill.

 

3 months later (I already knew she was) we were pregnant. We were both overjoyed!!!!!

 

Preganancy went well with not too many problems, I tried to do my bit by helping where I could & attending all the same classes as my wife. My wife had intended to work until the month before she was due but standing up all created problems & she was rushed to hospital 3 months out with a premature birth on the cards. Thankfully all was well in the end but very scarey.

 

As the day got closer we got more apprehensive & excited about it all (as you do). About 11pm one night my wife woke me as her water had broken, I panicked, leapt out of bed thinking we had to leave right away. She told me to go back to sleep. We got up the next morning had breakfast & my wife went out to walk the dog, shes tough you know

 

Eventually the pain got too much & we left to see our mid-wife who was delivering a baby at the hospital. As it turned out we ended up staying at the hospital (not what we had planned) as my wife basically went into labour. Myself & a nurse placed her in a bath, then changed to a bed. She went on the gas then eventually had an epidural by this stage she was getting a tad abusive (expect that!!!!). She never dilated properly so the call was made for an emergency c-section. This was hurried through, I changed clothes & followed her bed as it was wheeled in. I stayed near my wifes head, behind the curtain trying not to look to closely at what was going on at her stomach area. I did sneak a peak or two (curiosity got the better of me) but didn't push as my stomach was already full of butterflies. Within what felt like 2 minutes, the doctor pressed down on my wifes stomach & out popped our slimy little girl!!!! She gave a little gargle & was handed over to a nurse who beckoned me over to her table. I watched as she checked her over for anything out of the ordinary & then she was handed to me. I was completely overwhelmed & started to cry.

 

(sorry will have to finish this later. I'm getting all emotional & teary now)

[ScreenagerX]

Ok..............part 2

 

I carried my little girl over to my wife who was by now being stitched up. She also welled up of course. Holding her in my arms I felt kind of unsure of what I was supposed to do next but at the same time an overwhelming feeling of love & protection for her.

 

A short time later we moved to a room where we could meet up with my wifes mother & sister who had been there for most of the day also. Photos, cuddles & our daughters first feed (which went well & continued for the next 18 months). Eventually my wife was assigned a ward & we were moved.

 

A few days later we all went home for the first time. We were both a bit nervous really as now we really were on our own. We managed though & things settled in & we adapted to our new family.

 

Medical complications were thankfully pretty much non-existent apart from some reflux (which took some time to diagnose as we had no idea...........some late nights then I tell ya Phew!!!!)

 

Unfortunately I am a weekend Dad now. My wife & I went through some issues & decided to separate. As much as I would like for us to work things out & be a family again, she disagrees.

 

I have my daughter one day a weekend which is awesome!!! I love seeing her & I will continue to have her every weekend for as long as I can. Thankfully my ex-wife lives only 10 minutes from where I live & we still get on great, certainly makes things easier when you don't hate each other. Works out well for our little girl too.

[Iceman26]

That is a good story Spader.

 

Well, we just got back from the OB, and we found out it is going to be a boy! I am really excited!

[ScreenagerX]

Well, we just got back from the OB, and we found out it is going to be a boy! I am really excited!

 

Awesome!!!! Congratulations!!!!

 

I wanted a boy to begin with (as you do when your a Dad) but I was/am more than happy to have my little girl, I'm just not looking forward to when she starts dating

[caro33]

That is a good story Spader.

 

Well, we just got back from the OB, and we found out it is going to be a boy! I am really excited!

 

Congratulations Iceman!

 

Great to hear from the guys on this. Good story too Spader .

[Daddy Bear]

Nothing on this planet compares to having wee ones around. They're the bestest thing in the whole wide world!

[BellaDonna]

These stories are very helpful, guys.

 

Keep them coming,

 

 

BellaDonna

[jdtx]

I'm in the "expecting" category. My gf is now 29wks pregnant, coming up on 7mo I think. We are having a girl. I'm filled with excitement and anxiety. My gf has two kids already from her ex-husband. A 5yo boy and 3yo girl. They're great kids, but it pains me to know I had nothing to do with how good looking and smart they are. I have fears that my "seed" will be somehow inferior to his, that my little girl will be somehow less pretty or less smart. But only time will tell on that I guess. She's at least normal and healthy so far, and that was my greatest concern, that something would be "wrong". She is moving/kicking more as time goes by. At first I could just barely feel the slightest movement when I had my hand on my gf's stomach. Now her tummy-bumping is getting pretty pronounced, both feeling and SEEING it. It's weird and cool. This is my first kid so this stuff is all new to me. I'm not much looking forward to the pooping and sleepless nights (I already don't think I get enough sleep). But that comes with the territory and I'll have to get used to it before too long.

 

On the other hand, I can't wait to see what she looks like and finally have some offspring that's "really" mine, one that other-daddy can't take away from me whenever he pleases (not that he can usually be bothered to see them anyway). I always feel hurt and defensive when they start talking about "daddy-Dustin". He didn't care about his family and quite frankly does not deserve the title. I feel betrayed almost like if my gf had another bf she liked to rub in my face. I'm sorry, there are some people/titles I just do not want to share. I'm male. I'm territorial. And this family is my territory now as far as I'm concerned. Sorry, I think I'm starting to rant a bit.

 

Anyway, I'm overjoyed that I'm soon going to have one that truly is mine, one that I have perhaps more "legitimate" claim to. My parents are excited about their first grandkid, and I like seeing how happy my mom is. Everybody keeps saying we should get married, and I suppose we are still at fiance status. But between drama we've had and the way most marriage/divorce laws are, I have to admit I'm not exactly in a big hurry to do that.

 

My biggest reason to want to get married is my own ego. As part of my campaign to replace "daddy-Dustin" in every way I can (thus, escaping that damn shadow I live in), I'd very much like to phase out his family name in favor of my own. But I see marriage as so much more of a liability than a benefit, I'm not sure satisfying my ego is worth the risk. Though I am a little concerned about possible legal illegitimacy issues regarding rights to my daughter, her inheriting my name, etc. I'm not as versed on TX family law as I probably should be.

 

The due date is supposed to be May 11 and time is passing as quickly as ever. I had hoped for a boy because, well, ...raising girls seems so much more expensive and stressful. But here we are, having a girl, and I absolutely adore her. I feel somehow connected to her when I feel her move and when I talk to her and ask if she can give mommy some rest: one kick for yes, two for no.