A trip to Venice and, can someone please hug me?

[Semid]

Hi, i'm new here. (by the way english is not my mother tongue, but Spanish – I live in Madrid)

 

On my job's Christmas party I won a travel to Venice and I told him, my bf to come with me, instead of my daughter

 

The 7th February we were looking for the flighs by Internet at his place and I did not like what appeared on the screen, traveling late at night and loosing two days of visiting the city, and I told him this travel schedule was not good.

 

He started screaming to me, calling me names - this was the first time, and I was astonished - and so on. I tried to explain to him my point calmly, but he was infuriated.

 

This was the second time he started an argument for this reason.

A month ago he told me to organize the trip and when I did the next day, in spite that dates were not firm, he started yelling that I was desconsiderate with him and his Job Schedule.

 

But you told me to do so…..

 

Irrationality

 

So, I told him that what was supossed to be a reason for joy, for both of us, a trip to Venice, for free, had become an issue, and I did not understand why.

 

During the rest of the week I received the silent treatment.

On friday he called me to see If I was upset, and I told him that he was right, I was very upset. Then he told me that he wanted to be alone during some time. Hand’t he told me so before?

No, I replied, calmy, you did not told me, so. These are news for me, but now I consider my self advised.

 

Take care

 

He called me again on Saturday to see if I was still upset.

I told him that he was playing games with me, doesn’t he? And he told me again he wanted to be alone. Then go on, be alone and stop making me cry.

I do not want to harm you.

Then, P do not harm me.. Are you doing this on purpose?

 

No believe me.... is that well, I just want to be on my own.

OK P... I heard that the first time

 

 

I was devastated, but not that much, because since the 25th December (yes, this guy loves to ruin special dates ) he is picking up for everything. Starting huge arguments, close to the 3rd world war, for tinny things. Being extraordinarily harsh and cold with me.

 

 

Some reasons for his temper outburst:

 

- My daughter talked during a TV Movie, he yelled like he was devil possessed, - we both were astonished - but my daugther looked at him calmly and told him not to yell, please (one week without talking to me and declaring that my daughter and him were “not compatible”)

- My cat jumped in the bed (two days without talking to me ¿for having a cat?)

- Organising a trip to Venice following his instructions (yelling and finally I hanged up the phone – still do not know why)

 

 

I did not called him because I was very upset with his attitude and behavour.

 

 

The 14 February (oh, yes - Valentine's day ). He called me again said he wanted to break up. I said that he was acting pretty unbalanced and I said, if you do this that is up to you, but I will disappear from the face of the earth.. because I'm done with your comes and goes

 

And I did not contacted him at all.

 

On Sunday he called and asked me to come over to give me a little explanation. And I said yes, go ahead.

He told me that he love me and that he already missed me but that he was so close now to me that he was getting nervous. After 16 months he was getting nervous... (up to December things between us were really great)

 

I told him that my worst nightmare, breaking up with him, was now real, and that it was not that terrible. So, after 2 months of suffering and turmoil due to his changes of mood and behaviour I had made up my mind and I rather finish this suffering, crossing the rest of the dessert, than going back and have to suffer the same again in a near future.

 

He wanted to be friends and he wanted me to be part of his life.

 

I told him that this was childish and it was not going to be possible and not to call me again, and I said goodby.

 

I was crashed two weeks ago, when he started the first argument.

 

 

I feel bad, I am sad and I'm doing things slowly.... I have to recover. Mostly because I do not understand why he is behaving this way. In any case there is not need for understanding, things like this happen all the time, but we were having during the last 6 months a real close relationship.

 

Sigh

[Ash]

*hugs*

 

I'm sorry this is happening to you, but I think you made a wise decision. Something has happened within him to make him snap and tell at you like that. Better you find out now that there is a problem like this than after marriage.

 

The only chance I see for you two to get back together is for him to discuss what it is that is bothering him, if he even understands what it is. I'd still be concerned though, the outbreaks of rage seem rather severe and unprovoked. Perhaps best to let this pass and look to the future and for somebody else.

[Semid]

Gracias,

 

I already find a nice replacement, my daughter.Maybe we can change it to other location to avoid sad memories. Amsterdam.... mmm in springtime. Tulips and ???

 

Thanks yokeydokey.

[Semid]

Thanks Ash..... I really needed

 

First its me....then we will see....

[Daddy Bear]

Enjoy Venizia with your daughter - she will never forget it!

 

*hug*

[Caterina]

You don't need someone like this in your life! Get someone who will appreciate you and treat you well.

[sidehop]

Why is he picking fights with you all of a sudden? Generally that's not a good sign, it's a way of the person to get out of a relationship. He just doesn't like someone you want to be with let alone a relationship that would not last.

[Semid]

thanks to all.....

 

your word really conforted me..

[Semid]

Oh, his explanation about the sudden fights is that he was really close to me, and he was scared....

 

I suppose he was forcing me to break up with him, and I didn't, I just put some emotional distance.

 

 

I told him that this really was his choice, because I only saw him when he wanted. This was a not written rule of the relationship, and I really accepted that from the beginning.

 

I have made a few mistakes in this relationship just to make it longer, and the result has been the same.

[Belle]

I think you did a good thing for yourself and your daughter. Now neither of you have to put up with someone so assanine. I think his excuse about losing his temper because he was afraid was nonsense. If he could treat you this poorly over nothing, he's not a keeper. He's a manipuative and emotionally unstable person. Maybe he was hoping to provoke the fights to get out. Even a better reason to let him go. He can't behave like an adult and tell you that he's worried or maybe needs time to himself. He'd rather emotionally abuse you and make you feel like you've done something wrong so he can avoid feeling bad about himself. Bravo.

 

Find someone who creates less drama.

[Semid]

Yes I did told him that, that he was a very unstable person, and he replied that I was right.

 

He is 52.... will he ever grow up?. In any case this is none of muy business, Belle. I'm done with this..... today I'm felling better, happier and within a month or so, I'll be almost over, or at least not so sad.

 

This is not the end of the world, just anothery journey. But it hurts that you put your efforts and your love and suddenly realise that he is not what you believed he was.

 

Thanks for your help

[Belle]

If he's 52 and he acts like this, there's no changing. I'm glad, though, that you are early on realizing that you will be happier without him. You can do better. Being alone and happy is better than being with an unstable person.

 

If you feel pretty good now, in a few months you'll feel even better. I promise.

[Semid]

thanks belle.

 

 

[Semid]

Today I'm feelling myserable, I just want to cry. My daughter noticed it when she called me at work. And didn't told her anything. But all this started yesterday. I was overwhelmed finally. Rage has change into being so blue. I have just talked to her and she is very caring, but it makes me cry (she is with her boyfriend now).

 

Mum, step by step, slowly....take time.

 

Today I am so so sad-----](*,) I put a lot of effort in all of this...

 

sigh

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey deborita! Sorry about all of this....

 

{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}

[annalise23]

So, after 2 months of suffering and turmoil due to his changes of mood and behaviour I had made up my mind and I rather finish this suffering, crossing the rest of the dessert, than going back and have to suffer the same again in a near future.

 

Remember how you felt here! I too am in a similar situation, and it has been 3 days and is still raw. One minute I am ok, the next I am upset. Its an emotional rollercoaster!!

 

Big hug to you!

[Semid]

thannks a lot to both of you girls, but today i am feelling really sad.... rage was better than depression...... raging you hate him, but being depressing is very hard........

sigh

 

tomorrow I will feell better.

 

Hope so.....

 

Annalise23 keep being strong girl, you are right this is a rollercoaster...ha ha ...

[annalise23]

It is the lowest point when you feel sad and depressed. But try and keep busy and it will get easier!

Someone once told me you have to fully grieve before you can ove on. Thats what you are doing when you are sad. Grieving the loss of the relationship.

But it just takes time. Try and get out and doing something fun! It really will lift your spirits as much as you might not want to!!

[Semid]

Tomorrow my friends are coming for lunch. I promise I will have a good time.

Now I am better. I had worked with some IKEA furniture, and I'm doing better. Thanks for your support.

 

 

[annalise23]

argggh. I have had NC since we broke up. Now he is asking what he needs to do to work it out...

 

Its so hard. I have to be strong. feel like day 1 again now

[Semid]

I had a very nice saturday lunch.

 

Laughs, good food and good wine. And a nice siesta in the sofá.

 

Today I'm feelling better. It's a nice springtime day (thanks climate change)