I have never felt so unlovable and alone

[Anastasia_Mixali]

Last week I was feeling lost, just a normal 'dip in the road' for me- and I went on an online dating website for people of the same religion as me. This guy e-mails me on there- says his name is Sam. He had four pictures on his profile- I was instantly physically attracted to him. I read his profile and I thought he was absolutley perfect for me. He told me I was pretty and that he loved my name, and told me a lot about himself and his family. We e-mailed eachother three times a day, until yesterday-no mail. I checked in on the website like 20 times- and he had been online three or four times that day- but no mail. I am so confused. How can someone I thought I had a real connection with just stop writing me- was the connection all in my head? I feel so lonely and ugly and unlovable. Any advice?

[gfein347]

Is it that on one particular day he didn't email you, or that it's been several days and you still haven't heard from him?

 

If it's just one day, I wouldn't worry about it. Perhaps he was just busy and he checked on the site for only a few seconds when he had time.

[Ash]

This is all rather quick really. It's not very common to truly connect in less than a week, especially without ever meeting in person. If this person's profile sounds almost too good to be true, then perhaps it really is. Chances are (and I know this may be painful to hear) you're likely not the only person he is talking to online.

 

Very common advice given in situations like this is to not let yourself get too emotionally involved until you've met them in person. Until then, and particularly within a week, it's very hard to tell what they're truly like and what might happen.

 

On a related note, going on dating sites when you're already feeling down is perhaps not a great idea. It's far too easy to let your heart get kicked around as you tend to jump into things too quickly in trying to feel better.

 

Give it time. Build up a good raport and don't get too emotionally invested until you know for sure that something is real.

[lifestream]

Why are you so clingy already? Calm down a bit...

[Altruist]

Give it time. Maybe two weeks. In the meantime, don't be afraid to make other friends.

[Anastasia_Mixali]

Hey 'lifestream' You should really be nicer and not judge me- I haven't done anything to you. And even if it is soon, he was the one complimenting me and telling me how great I was- He 'clinged' onto me and then left me high and dry. It's been two more days and I haven't heard anything- this guy is a real malaka

[arwen]

Hey Anastasia!

 

I think that the problem is not that he didn't write for one day, but the severe impact that it has on your feelings. So far, it is not like you officially have a relationship. You haven't even met in person yet. It may help to see it a bit from that perspective; why are you already this attached to someone you have just known for such a short while? I don't think that it is healthy, certainly if you are dating online. He surely has interest in you, why else would he tell you about his family and share so much? But what you don't know is whether he also has other contacts on the dating site, what is really is when you'd meet him, etc. Don't put all your feelings out there just yet. Wait until you meet, why don't you propose to meet for a coffee some time?

 

Are you insecure about yourself? Because if one single person on a dating site just doesn't email you for one day, how do you conclude from that that you are not lovable? Of COURSE you are lovable! How is your life apart from this situation? Do you often feel lonely? I ask because it worries me that someone that is in your life for such a short time, has an extreme impact on how you feel. It made me wonder if you are unhappy about your life in general? Don't feel pressed to share anything, I just think it would help if we know a bit more background, that's all

 

Take care,

 

Arwen