Developing self-worth.....despite it all

[mintblossom]

I've decided...to develop a sense of self-worth. To become strong. To be someone worthy internally.

 

I just can't base self-worth externally anymore. I wasn't aware that I was. But I think I have been. And I am sick...sick and tired of it all. So freaking sick and disgusted.

 

No. No. No. I do not deserve to be insulted. I do not deserve to be hurt. I do not deserve to be mistreated, kicked around, treated like DIRT. It's gone on all my life. I won't take this anymore.

 

I am human. I have feelings. I have very deep feelings, I am very sensitive and I hurt very much.

 

I will find a way to develop worth internally so that I carry it with me always. So others can not break me anymore. I cannot spend my life like this anymore. I will not. I will not spend my life gravitating to people who don't care a flying fig for me. I will not spend my life trying to get the praise and flattery of the 'losers' in life.

 

I will make something of myself. But I shall find worth within. Someway. Somehow. The self-esteem will come from within and not from without. I vow this.

[desertnomad]

Excellant. Right there with you.

[Guest97]

Teardrops, I am with you. I feel the same way. No one can take my sense of self worth, selfesteem and self value away from me anymore - ANYTHING they do or say. I will fight for my right to be myself and not allow ANYONE to take it away from me.

[sherrysilver]

You are so right about finding self worth inside and not finding it through others I'm slowly learning this also. I can't wait to master this I want to be able to have joy without having bitter people steal it away.

[Celadon]

Yes, teardrops! You are on a journey of self-discovery and the only way to go is straight ahead.

 

I know what you mean. When I base my worth on others' reactions and interactions with me, I am MISERABLE. It's never enough to satisfy! So *I* must be the one who is excited about my life, my interests, my day. I must be my own cheerleader. I must be the one to take an intense interest in myself and my opinions and thoughts and what's happening to me. I have to be the one giving myself affirmation, saying, "Hey K8tie! That was great what you did, helping your roommate out."

 

I'm with you on this one, teardrops!

[VeganBohemian]

WOOOOO! You DO deserve self-worth!

 

I find a lot of the time that people who don't have self-worth are unhappy all the time because they unconsciously believe that they do not deserve to be happy. They would rather endure the pain instead of fighting against the causes of that pain and striving to be happy.

 

I decided about a week ago that I was going to start doing this to. My roommate/"friend" always puts me down, so I started fighting back. Usually I sulk away and put my headphones and then cry to someone else.

 

I also haven't been as dependent on my boyfriend for happiness. I stopped thinking that he doesn't love me and am being more understanding of his other priorities. I also have become more focused on my future career (I graduate next year).

 

My grades have risen significantly due to this and I might be beating my bf this semester haha.

[Timebandit]

Yes, go!

 

You are on the right track. You are a human and you deserve to feel good about yourself. The power of self-acceptance is incredible, and will transform your life.

 

Perhaps a place to start, could be to practice being kind to yourself, when you blame yourself for not having enough self-worth. At least, its a way to stop feeding the vicious circle.

 

Good luck! (and let us know if you could use more specific suggestions)

[Celadon]

For those of you who are self-confident, I have a question:

 

Do you consciously talk to yourself in your head, affirming yourself? As you go through the day, how do you practice kindness to yourself, or how do you encourage yourself? I've never talked to myself, but I'm starting to think it might help.

[TheRock]

I think part of being self-confident is to clearly identify your values. When you are able to identify these values and truly believe in them, you can base all your decisions on your deeply held values. For example, if one of your deeply held values is to repect yourself and others, you will learn from your own behavior what respect really is. The more you respect other people, the more you will learn to respect yourself. Another example is to be upright and honest in all situations. If you are honest and upright, there is no reason to pretend to be anything that you are not. You can be confident in the fact that you are being the best you can be, and that is all anybody needs to be (no more). So, figure out what you believe in and stand up for it. It will make you confident. When you figure out what your values are, you do not have to figure out every single different situation. Instead, you can apply your values and beliefs to that situation. When you do that, the answer comes more easily. It is not always easy, but you will know the answer.

[Celadon]

That's really profound, TheRock. I'm going to think about that one for a bit! Hm....

[mintblossom]

I think part of being self-confident is to clearly identify your values. When you are able to identify these values and truly believe in them, you can base all your decisions on your deeply held values. So, figure out what you believe in and stand up for it. It will make you confident. When you figure out what your values are, you do not have to figure out every single different situation. Instead, you can apply your values and beliefs to that situation. When you do that, the answer comes more easily. It is not always easy, but you will know the answer.

 

I like what you wrote a lot.

[Shiva 2007]

Yes teardrops, sometime life gives us the blow in our head that we need to wake up. Words well spoken td, you should never base your self worth on anybody else but yourself, that's what I have to work hardest at, I scream inside because I still wonder how can I have given my own sense of self away, the power to someone else to gamble with my life. No, no one should be given that kind of power over you.

Good for you and good luck in your path.

_______________________________________________________________

from Atlas Shrugged

"Hank, I want nothing from you except what you wish to give me. I want you to come to me seeking nothing but your enjoyment. My way of trading is to know that the joy you give me is paid for by the joy you get from me, not by your suffering or mine. I don't accept sacrifices and I don't make them. If you asked me for more than you meant to me, I would refuse. If you asked me to give up the railroad, I'd leave you. If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought, by the pain of the other, there better be no trade at all. The trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud. You don't do it in business Hank, don't do it in your own life."

Wow...this speech sums it all up for me.

[light bulb]

The great thing is, once you develop a sense of self worth like this, the types of people that like bringing others down will suddenly shy away from you. Those very people FEAR strong minds and feed on the weak. Stand tall, stand proud, and be confident and you'll never have to even worry about dealing with those people again!

[Shiva 2007]

Thanks Oatmeal, and oh LOL at your little bear, it is a bear isn't it?