Not feeling good

[mintblossom]

So..I'm kind of emotional right now. I've been writing a lot here lately. More than I have for a long time. So you can either dismiss this as me being extra emotional before a period or something else....

 

I feel like I don't belong. I don't belong anywhere. I don't know where I am supposed to be or who I am supposed to be. I've never found a group of people like me or where I can feel comfortable. A lot of times, I just feel like an oddball. But...I usually think I am just a normal person who's had some struggles of her own.

 

I have a high IQ...I guess people call me gifted. But it sets me apart...I like to read, I go to the library alot..I'm interested in life...I like my mind...I value my brain and the way I think...but I feel like people can't relate to me....or I can't relate to others. I don't understand why because I do not think I am that far out....

 

I don't drink too much, I don't do drugs and it's something I wouldn't want to do, I don't smoke, I like clubs but only every once in awhile. I value my family, I was brought up in a pretty conservative family with good morals, values. I was well-educated and I've always been good in school.

 

Well...I guess part of this is because I was looking at the myspace of the exgf of a guy I liked. And well....I guess I'm upset because I looked at her and I realized that I could never be the type of girl he goes for. I'm not blond, ghetto, a druggie, drinker, partier, have a lot of friends, or wear makeup or have a lot of bfs. *sigh*

 

Okay.....I don't know what this was about except I know it's not a good idea to look at people's myspaces and think about how you're nothing like them.

 

I wonder if I will ever get myself and my life more together.

 

And well....if you're a girl and you can relate to feeling insecure when you compare yourself to an exgf or something.....drop a line here. I would love to hear from you.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Teardrops -

 

I'm a girl!! AND an insecure one.....

 

I can relate too!! To the emotional and premenstrual part - not the gifted part...

 

I'm also a grass is always greener person. BUT the day will come for both you AND I, I'm sure of it - where we will be comfortable with who were are.

 

But you have to realise teardrops - for every person you wish you were or looked like or whatever, there is someone out there who wishes they were you.

 

You're not an odd ball - you do belong and even if it were true that you didn't....that's prolly a bigger blessing than you could imagine!

[musicguy]

Honestly, I'd rather date a girl like you than a party girl

[Daddy Bear]

MySpace is a wasteland. There are lots of people who appreciate your qualities, but they're hard to find there.

 

Now THIS website, on the other hand, seems to attract the gifted and good-hearted from all over the world. AwdreeHpburn, who posted in this thread, is a fine example. I think I may have seen more compassionate genius exhibited here in less than a year than I've run into elsewhere in my entire life.

 

The people who frequent this forum are, in my opinion, the realest of the real. Maybe if you hung out with us a little more often and got to know us better, you wouldn't see yourself quite so much as a fish out of water.

 

Just a suggestion from one who knows how you feel.

[mintblossom]

Oh...I know myspace is about image. It's about looking like you have a lot of friends, a lot of fun.....and some people do....but not everyone does.

 

I've been told that she has a drug problem...but I couldn't help feeling a little sad when I looked at her and thought.....I'm totally not like that....I couldn't be.....I'm just not that way. And mabe if I had been....he would have cared or liked me more or respected me or stopped playing games or not been so freakin' rude or mabe he would have wanted more than to get in my pants...

 

And then I thought...why am I doing this to myself? Aish. Just can't help feeling it's just easier to be some other way instead of the way I am.

 

And yes...in a way it's comforting here because we're not all trying to front like our lives are perfect. In the real world...I feel like I have to act like I've got it all going on.

[Daddy Bear]

Meh. Believe me, for you to have sold yourself out, acting like a typical MS bimbo airhead to make some guy like you, would not have made you happy for long. That would be sort of akin to using an Academy Award statuette for a hammer, know what I mean? I think you took the right path in remaining true to yourself and what you stand for.

[mintblossom]

I shall endeavor to tell myself that I am shiny and golden. Though that analogy seems more akin to chocolate in a foil wrapper. Bah! But hey, do guess what I'm eating to feel better?

[musicguy]

chocolate?

[CynicalGuitarist]

I shall endeavor to tell myself that I am shiny and golden. Though that analogy seems more akin to chocolate in a foil wrapper. Bah! But hey, do guess what I'm eating to feel better?

 

Ice cream?

[mintblossom]

I wonder.....who's the genius that invented chocolate icecream?

[Steelergal]

I can relate....

 

How people describe me (not my description): Tall, skinny, very pretty, smart, trendy, great career with lots of money, very moral, outgoing, lots of friends, from a good family, sweet, caring, kind-hearted, responsible, honest, great wife, good cook, very loyal

 

The girl my husband left me for: Short, very big butt, white trash/skanky look, likes to wear hair stuff that looks straight from the 80's, has cheated on her husband multiple times, got pregnant from one affair and had an abortion behind his back, has a kid, makes no money, hated by co-workers, snobby, cheats, lies, manipulative, irresponsible with her child

 

Soooo....do you think I believe even one of those things people say to describe me? Nope....I am convinced that she is better than me and nobody will ever be able to convince me otherwise. Why else would he leave me for her? Who would give up the person in the first description for the one in the second description?

 

So yep, I know what it's like to feel insecure and compare yourself. I do it every day. My self-esteem is shot.

 

Sorry I have no advice for you...just empathy for how you are feeling. :sad:

[mintblossom]

you know something?.....i really dont get men either. there is no accounting for taste. it's like having creme brulee at home and going out to eat dog biscuits.

[musicguy]

I don't get women