Keeping up Public Appearances

[kate111]

What do you do when you meet people out who knew you and the ex as a couple?

 

How do you retain dignity and act with good grace?

 

How do you project someone who is worthy of respect?

 

I want to do this and need to rehearse what I am going to say.

 

Do you think something along the lines of "yes he broke up with me. Oh well, I'm going to take the opportunity to explore myself" or something like that?

[shikashika]

Kate, I've read a bit about your breakup... it seems to me like YOU have all your dignity together... is it that you're worrying about what people will ask you? Or if people will wonder who broke up with who and why?

 

I know thats what I was thinking in my last breakup...

[Suesser Tod]

Act normal. Soon they will take sides, and you'll know who were truly friends of you, and who were friends of your ex. Its natural, has happened and will happen to all of us.

[kate111]

Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

 

Yes. I am worried that people will think I am a fool as my boyfriend dumped me. I know that is irrational.

 

'They will all know he broke up with me.

 

I don't want them to feel sorry for me and I don't want to give him the sick pleasure of knowing he broke me.

[Suesser Tod]

True friends know you, and they value you for who you are, not for who dumped you. Don't sweat about it. Things will change, that is for granted, but it will be for the better.

[shikashika]

Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

 

Yes. I am worried that people will think I am a fool as my boyfriend dumped me. I know that is irrational.

 

'They will all know he broke up with me.

 

I don't want them to feel sorry for me and I don't want to give him the sick pleasure of knowing he broke me.

 

this is completely normal.. as conceited as it sounds when my boyf broke up with me.. I thought..

 

"wait a minute... HE broke up with ME?!?!?!?!?!!

 

It certainly dented my pride... and bruised my ego..

 

and i still think of him a bit like that

 

I found all my friends to be supportive of me ( of course !)

[kate111]

True friends know you, and they value you for who you are, not for who dumped you. Don't sweat about it. Things will change, that is for granted, but it will be for the better.

 

Not talking about true friends here. I'm talking about average aquaintances at the pub. New people I meet and so on.

[shikashika]

Not talking about true friends here. I'm talking about average aquaintances at the pub. New people I meet and so on.

 

Do you care what they think of you? I would too... a bit...but would those people really ask in detail what happened? because if they don't ask.. you don't have to tell

[kate111]

this is completely normal.. as conceited as it sounds when my boyf broke up with me.. I thought..

 

"wait a minute... HE broke up with ME?!?!?!?!?!!

 

It certainly dented my pride... and bruised my ego..

 

and i still think of him a bit like that

 

I found all my friends to be supportive of me ( of course !)

 

Yes it's that and also I want to retain my sense on self as an amazing person, despite what the world throws at me.

 

So what do you tell aquaintances/ new friends?

[shikashika]

Yes it's that and also I want to retain my sense on self as an amazing person, despite what the world throws at me.

 

So what do you tell aquaintances/ new friends?

 

well, close friends I told the truth... and I got the usual' what a loser he doesn't deserve you" ( even though I just wanted to find out WHY!!!)... I never found out a reason and still today have no idea why)

 

other people I said we broke up.. most people I actually told the truth.. and I got the vote because he just broke up with me one day on my 'LUNCH HOUR' with absolutely no reason... so nobody had any sympathy for him.. no one.

 

jerk.

 

ha ha.. no I'm kind of over it now.. but what still bothers me is that that loser thought he could do better than me.

 

Ha!

 

(no over inflated sense of self. no really. )

[Suesser Tod]

Not talking about true friends here. I'm talking about average aquaintances at the pub. New people I meet and so on.

 

Average aquaintances at the pub don't really need to know more than the fact that you are not together anymore, unless you want to tell them.

 

New people? Don't worry, they shouldn't even know, the past is gone.

 

 

Stop thinking of the breakup as something negative. It is not, it is a possitive event, its a chance for you to grow and to move on to bigger and better things. Give yourself a chance to wallow about it, then show the world all you can be.

[kate111]

Yes I suppose so.

 

So just don't talk about it then?

 

But he was such a bastard! Better to just let it go though isn't it?

[Suesser Tod]

Why should you talk about it? It is not like being with him or breaking up with him turned you into a different person (yes, every relationship makes some changes in you, but that is not the point).

 

As far as everyone is concerned, Kate is still Kate, if they ask why Kate+Ex doesn't exist anymore, you reply.

 

Let it go, as bad as it may feel now, revenge is not the answer. Continue with YOUR life, let him out of your life, let that relationship die in the past.

[Dako]

When we get dumped, we think the whole world sees us as a loser. If you consider that almost everyone gets dumped, you're in good company.

 

When my wife left me, I was surprised how many couples admitted their own struggles to stay together. For years they seemed to have perfect pairings.

 

There is no shame in being dumped. None at all. If you believe otherwise, you're giving your ex the authority to judge your value.

He's just a guy, with no omnipotent insight.