Please help me help him

[Cellisia]

I need help to help somone who i love. He's my bf, wlel ex bf now..he broke up with me a few days ago, but now wer eok, he wanted to go bac out with me but i told him no, bc he needs to get help. He goes into blind rages, he cant controll his anger and half the time he says things and relaly doesn't remember saying them, he's had this problem for a long while and it got worse when he had his cancer and tumour because that screwed up with his emotions badly...so i mean we've been going about for about a month and a week, well we did go out for a month and a week...he

s going through a lot lately, he suffers from depression and high anxiety and of course the anger problem, his past is veyr bad, and his present isn't too much better, he wont open up to ppl and doens't want to go to a psychologist bc all they try to do is dope him up on medicine and he told me he was taken off it a few times bc it didnt help and even made his suicide thoughts worse. I mean he was cyring ont he phone to me appologising for the hurtful things he said to me during our breakup, but i told ihm i coudlnt' go ba cout with him, bc i myself am veyr emotional and have a problem with depression, now i dont but when somthing big liek this happeneds i dont get veyr good.....i wrote this bc i'm tyring to help him, he's tlaking to his sister who is training and going to shcool to b a psychologist i said maybe she knows somone who cna help him, idk but i was wonder if nayone on here cna help me try to find out any groups fo rlike stress or anger management or anything bc i would go with him to these groups, i love him and i want to tyr to help in any way that i can, saying no to bnot being with him killed me, it really did, but i cant let him go into one of these blind rages and gett all mad at me and then breka my herat again, but if anyone cna help me find any sort of group or meetings in P.A that would be so useful and if not if you have any advice please write to me, this si so hard, i'm nto sure if i'm doing the right thing or not an didk how to really help him, he thinks it's too late for him to get help i'm tyring to make him see that it's not, but it's really hard, please help in any way you can, it would mean a lto to me

[Nifty_Swifty1]

having worked with people like your ex, only a little younger, has me a little worried. If he isn't going to go to a therapist I can say I see him getting any better. Him thinking that the only thing they are going to do is to drug him up isn't exactly right. They probably will medicate him because he can't control himself by himself at this point. Him being in a voluntary group probably isn't going to do him much good. He's probably going to reject the help. Even if he gets professional psychiatric help it will take a lot of time for him to become invested enough to become better at all. My suggestion would be to fine a way to get him to go to some kind of therapy and then convenes him that they really can help. The hard part is that he doesnt believe that a therapist will help him and until he believes that no one can help him.

[Cellisia]

yeha but i mena i can udnerstand him nto wanting to go bc all the psychologists he went to just tried to give him the smae thing and that mad ehim worse, it worsened his suicidal thoughts and he had to b taken of fof it, i'm going to try to get him to see a therapist or somthing, he thinks it's too late i'm trying to make him believe me that it isn't, idk i'm tyring to help him in anyw ay that i cna right now

[Nifty_Swifty1]

you just have to remember that no one can make him get better. He has to chose to do it himself.

[Scout]

Hi...I think your feelings of concern are very understandable, and admirable, to boot.

 

Unfortunately...and this is going to "seem" rather cold...but for some people, the only help that really works is facing the consequences of their actions. In your ex's case, I can practically guarantee you if you got back together with him, his blind rages would appear again.

 

Only when we lose something dear to us, will some of us ever finally take responsibility for our actions. And sadly, for a few, even that won't work.

 

But putting up with it will definitely not help.

 

I think you've done what you can, and that was a lot more than many others would have done. In other words, I think you did the right thing by breaking up with him.

[Cellisia]

xDDDDDDDDD toooo bad he's the one who broke up with me xDDDD