Appreciate your comments

[blizzardblueeyes]

I have been chatting in the evening with a guy who IM'd me 2 years ago.

 

I have a question: He asked me for a pic, I sent him one. He sent his.

 

We have continued to talk for another year and a half. He asked for more pics, I said when you give me your number, you can have more pics. I recently gave his mine before I asked for his.

 

I gave in and sent him a few more pics.

 

My question: He says I am gorgeous, but still won't let me say Hi on the phone. He also won't let me send him a birthday or Valentine card. This confuses me.

Why can't he get a simple pobox or a new cell number.

 

 

[shes2smart]

Well...the first thing that leaps to my mind with what you've said is that he's married and the wife has no clue he's carrying on conversations & whatnot with other gals online.

 

At the very least, I'd be mighty suspicious that something isn't exactly as he's portraying it to you. He's acting like he's got something to hide (or more precisely, that he's trying to keep you hidden.)

[blizzardblueeyes]

Hi. Thanks for posting. I am thinking the same thing.

 

If I really search my heart, I think he was just looking for someone to talk to, and now things have gotten too weird.

 

I teach school, when he first PM'd me out of the blue, he said Oh, I see you teach also. This was when I had a profile up at AOL.

 

Normally, I would just close that window. But with him I didn't.

 

Now, I wonder who he really is.

 

I asked him a few times, if he was married. He said NO. I asked him why we can't talk and say Hi--he said he was comfortable where we were now.

 

Overall, he is a very caring nice guy.

[darkpumpkin]

I have to agree with she2smart. Really sounds like he has something on the side and doesn't want to get caught by talking on the phone or recieving gifts.

[blizzardblueeyes]

Thanks. I understand where you are coming from with him having something on the side.

 

I don't want to be that something on the side. I do NOT date married guys.

 

It just puzzles me so much after 2 years, why he has never called and why he couldn't get a post office box unless people would know him. Same with me hearing his voice.

 

The weird thing is he has sent me things but they never have an address, it is just marked private box

[the yang to the worlds yin]

I remember one of my boyfriends was like that..... leave now.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

He's definitely hiding something. RUN!! lol

[blizzardblueeyes]

I am thinking he is hididng a wife.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

i met a man online and became friendly with him..he did not send me pics.. he said to "keep the mystery" ..i was a lot younger at the time and i thought this was "romantic" ..sigh..but anyway.. yeah he was hiding a wife, and 3 daughers.... and about 15 years.

[blizzardblueeyes]

I am thinking he is older than me--late 20's, although he initially told me he was my age--he always goes to bed by 10, and whenever I bring up the sunject like a simple call, he says he is tired.

[Honey Pumpkin]

He's married or got a girlfriend. Or he isn't who he says he is - anyone can send a pic. It's too easy to fake an identity through writing etc.

 

If he's a penpal, then I suppose it doesn't matter - but if you want to take it further then it sounds 'off'. Ask yourself what you're hoping to get out of this cyber relationship, and if it's more than a chat in the evening, then time to move on. Friendships online are TERRIFIC, but...if they are to be more than that, then there needs to be honesty and certainty. I don't think you're getting this from him.

 

Sorry, I know it's really hard for you. It could be lots of reasons why he doesn't want to get closer to you, in a sense it doesn't really matter, the message is that this is how it will always stay, as virtual penpals. Are you happy with that?

[Daddy Bear]

Two years, and no cards or phone calls? Even a married liar should have treated you better than that. My advice would be to reclaim your heart and find someone who deserves you.

[blizzardblueeyes]

No, I wasn't "looking for a penpal"--he came into my life when I really needed him, now that I look back.

 

Without going into many details, I lost someone very close to me on 9-11.

 

I was not interested in getting close to anyone for years. In '04, he showed up.

 

He knows me too well, if that makes sense.

 

He knows my thoughts and he keeps telling me all the time I am going to be the end of him?????

 

I think he never thought "this" was going to go this far.

[JustaGirl31]

blueeyes..

sorry for your loss. I think that on-line friendships or relationships can be complicated. I think there are red flags if he doesn't want to talk at this point or exchange cards. It seems he may have someone else or he's afraid to take things further.

 

I have an on-line friend I've chatted with for several months, very frequently and intimately, and he has been distant and not on-line for the past month or so. When I asked him about it, he says he just hasn't been on-line, when I know there is something more. I feel confused and disappointed by the way things are going now because he was someone I enjoyed chatting with and getting closer to.

 

But - The thing about online friendships with people that have never met - is that we can know them well because there's less pressure when talking on line. However - because we've never met them, seen their expressions, interacted in person - do we really know they or are we creating someone up in our head?

 

Maybe you should find out what he wants out of our relationship and if he doesn't offer what you want, then you move on. I imagine that is easier said than done, since you have been chatting with him for over 2 years.

 

Best of luck to you.

[Caldus]

Maybe it's because it would be ackward for people knowing he was dating someone he met online?

[JustaGirl31]

Caldus, good point... but if that is the case, then he may have maturity issues.

 

Nothing to be ashamed about meeting someone on-line.

[Aurian]

I doubt that. How would people know if he called blueeyes up or allowed her to send a card? Even if he was insecure about that, online dating is pretty common these days and doesn't have the "loser" stigma it did in the early days.

 

I add my vote to the wife/girlfriend box...

[Caldus]

I doubt that. How would people know if he called blueeyes up or allowed her to send a card? Even if he was insecure about that, online dating is pretty common these days and doesn't have the "loser" stigma it did in the early days.

 

I add my vote to the wife/girlfriend box...

 

Maybe he still thinks it has the "loser" stigma attached to it.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Maybe he still thinks it has the "loser" stigma attached to it.

 

I think that would be his own personal insecurities concerning his social life, coming out then, wouldn't it? I know the man I'm moving in with, met the same way that one of my last boyfriends and I met.

[lizziebee]

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh....MARRIED!?!?! S.O.?!!!!!!!!!!!! EGOMAINIAC? WANTS SEXY PICS OF ANONYMOUS BABE? Bow out now honey. I recently heard tell a story of a woman I work with who met a guy from Long Island online. They dated 2 months, he was coming to take her to go meet his parents (he always made the trip to see her) she got a call while waiting for him, he said he was in a car accident..The end....No phone listings, cell phone cut off, no address nothin...but probably he had(?) a wife, and the girl has major trust issues with men....

[blizzardblueeyes]

I am sorry about your friend lizziebee.

 

I live in LBI, he lives a distance away.

 

It is not like I sit at home, I date on and off, but he is a mystery to me and I guess I want to find out everything.

[Aleadragonhawk]

When I was young, I had an experience somewhat similar to what you've described, and I found out in the end to be very suspicious when someone isn't forthcoming with details about their real life. He turned out to be over sixty with two children and two ex-wives. I was thirteen. His refusals to step into anything that resembles "real life" territory - phone calls, cards, pictures, etc - makes me immediately think that he's lying to you, and probably about some pretty significant things. It's easy for an outsider to say that something is going on though, and pretty hard to accept it when it's someone that you care about. I don't think an ultimatum would be out of place here - "explain what's going on, or stop talking to me."

[blizzardblueeyes]

I know I need to get the answers to my questions.

 

I am going to respond to his email after ignoring him a few days.

 

I want a cell number.

 

You see, he has my address and sends me things I feel I don't deserve. Things I could never afford to buy on my own, and for what, being his sounding board.

 

I am feeling very confused. Thanks.

[desert_rose26]

when something doesn't feel right, then it isn't.