Worst Valentines Day...

[88cookie]

seriously, what if she gets hurt one time, then how are you gonna feel, you gonna have a serious regret that you didnt help. although you wont be able to heel the emotional abuse but you can help by getting her away from this pyscho

[Skippy]

well, first as you are Japanese you should knows that everytime that main family member comes back to their house you are suppose to greet them. Which you avoid because you think he doesn't like you. Avoiding doesnt make it right to not greet him, it just make it worst. (good thing is that you have learnt something new about life. Avoiding a problem doesn't solve it, it makes it worst)

As for what to do, it is not your choice to call the police. It is between the family. You as a person can give advice and be there for your gf. She/ her mom/ her aunt has to do it.

 

If you do decide to call the police then you must understnad the implications and understand that YOU will take responsibility of the consequences that occurs from doing so.

 

If the father is the sole bread winner for the family and provides the daughter the financial support to go to school and university, she might lose that. She might be taken to a foster home that are not able to give her the financial backing to go to university. You will be responsible for breaking up her family (perfect or not perfect). You will be responsible for her future (success or failure)

 

Are you ready for that???

 

So many people immediately shout out, 'call the police' but in the end will they be responsible for this person? of course not. IT is so easy to say when you do not have to responsibility of facing the consequences of the future of our girlfriend.

As i say, i do not agree with abuse, i am very much against it. But understand the situation, understand the dynamics, understand the culture's way of doing things.

As you know, the Japanese's approach of when it come to family. Why should it be any different for other Asian race. Family matter is family matter, do not include outsider.

Your role, if you are causing more harm then good back off. if you see her geting harm you can advice her to get help.

 

Do not try to be the "HERO"

[EvaGina]

You poor thing!!!

 

For next time, I dont care if its her father or if you feel you cant intrude, you jump on him and STOP HIM from hitting her!!! That is absolutely and utterly unnacceptable!!

 

Apart from that, I think having a talk with him would be the best idea... sneaking around does nothing in your favour.

[Skippy]

American parenting isn't something to be admired, but he never said they were! He merely said abuse cannot be tolerated given the legal standards set in this country, and to say that laws are completely relative is nonsense!

IT is illegal in the US to strike a child, but I ask you how many people have smacked or been smacked? I would dare to generalize and say a huge majority. Thus, the laws are relative, as if the laws were taken literally the result would be majority of the population would be in jail. Understanding when the apply term 'abuse' in the Asian culture would be a different point of time. In the Asian culture, a father coming home and tapping the son on the head with his knuckle can be taken as a sign over affection. If applied to the Literal US legal system he had just abused the child. In each culture there are different ways of showing affection. (Btw I am not saying that kicking someone in the stomach is a sign of affection in Asia.) But before you judge a situation with a self righteous attitude, stand back and observe the whole scenerio for what it is and not what you measure them to be.

 

In cases where people are being physically, emotionally or mentally abused in this way (which is rather significant), cultural relativism is NOT a valid method of defense.

Physically, emotionally and mentally abused to what extent? Who draws then line? In all cultures they have their own definitions and their own lines. Yes, these people do live in the USA and thus supposively have to follow the law, but the law is flexible to some extent to entertain the diversity of cultures. The law is not black and white it is a grey and it is a guideline.

 

To blame the poster is like blaming a victim of rape for being raped. It's absolutely ridiculous!

I don’t not condone Rape, but if in a extreme situation where I had judge if a educated woman walked naked into a uneducated bar in Papua new Guinea and get raped , I would unfortunately say that she was to blame. (Though I would find the raper's guilty of rape) but she had a part. I do not believe that you can just take a situation in a whole scenario and judge upon that. You have understand the scenario and then judge the situation and the outcome.

 

Yeah, he's the one to blame insofar as he snuck around and should know that in the Asian (which really does no justice as it's a very diverse continent) culture they are extremely protective of their daughters. At the same time how is the boy to know that the father would physically assault his daughter and utter death threats??

Understand the scenario and judge the situation for what it is. You will realize that the resulted actions are culturally based. Though the actions were abusive, the actions were cultural. Applying western 'solution' will not solve the problem appropriately.