Daligal83 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 ghost, if you look at the previous posts here, it's not about the material gift. I truly don't think n83 is a "material girl" here. And if he said thanks, how is that enough? It's not like it was a random day. It was valentine's day. If he had even given it the thought to give her a card, that would have been fine. It's not about her not getting a physical present, it's about not being appreciated in the relationship. Expecting a present on valentine's day is not a pushy move at all or moving fast in a relationship. That's her boyfriend. Link to comment
n83 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 Lovie dovie?? No, that's not what I expected. I don't care if he isn't all mushy and crap. But I do care if there is unequality in the relationship. As for him possibly not being all that into me... well, DUH. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Lovie dovie?? No, that's not what I expected. I don't care if he isn't all mushy and crap. But I do care if there is unequality in the relationship. As for him possibly not being all that into me... well, DUH. I am with you on this one. Link to comment
n83 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 OK, so he called and left a semi rambly voicemail message telling me about how it meant a lot to him that I came over for Valentine's day and that he wants to come over tonight or tomorrow to give me my Vday present. * * *??! So I call him back, and he says he can't make it over tonight, that's fine, I'm busy tonight anyways. He asked if he could come over tomorrow night. I said, We'll see. I don't get him at all. I'm half expecting he said that only because he figured I was pissed at him (which I should be). I bet if he did come over tomorrow, there would be no present, and he'd probably leave early enough to make it out with his friends. Link to comment
n83 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 I am with you on this one. Thanks girl.. Yeah, I'm actually not all that lovey dovey either, we've never said I love you or anything like that to each other, and I'm not really one to fawn all over a guy (especially one that makes it hard for me!) Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Does he feel bad? Or is it because you didnt go to his bday dinner? Link to comment
n83 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 Does he feel bad? Or is it because you didnt go to his bday dinner? I have absolutely no idea bigheart .. Like I said, I wouldn't be surprised if he was full of crapola and there was no card or anything. Link to comment
Suesser Tod Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 I have absolutely no idea bigheart .. Like I said, I wouldn't be surprised if he was full of crapola and there was no card or anything. You're so bitter about that relationship that I can't figure out why you haven't broke up with him yet. Don't you think it would be the healthiest thing to do? Link to comment
n83 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 I haven't yet b/c it's his bday! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 i don't know why you choose to stay with someone because of some special day. v-day, his b-day. wrong reasons. you need to explain to him that it bashes your feelings a bit that he didn't do anything thoughtful. some guys are just cavemen when it comes to thoughtfulness. you should let him come over and see what he's got. maybe he doesn't have anything. maybe he has some great time planned for the both of you. maybe in your eyes it will make up for it. it is possible he does know that you are mad and that triggered something in him to make it up and it won't happen again. i'd say give him this chance. if you still feel bitter about it, i'd say end it. regardless of his b-day or not. ....................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 I think it's fine to wait until after the bday so he doesn't have that memory every year. It's just one day. As far as the cavemen thing - I don't buy the whole gender distinction. Men know full well how to be thoughtful and considerate just like women and particularly today, being surrounded by easy communication on these issues, they know if they want to know. Just like women, men can be inconsiderate and not motivated to make an effort. I agree that the way they show it might not be exactly what the woman had in mind - so that's where communication comes in - but if all that is asked for is an acknowledgement of a special day and perhaps an extra few words, a card, that reflects that, I don't think that's too much to ask, unless the couple have decided that they do not want to celebrate that special day. I also think it depends in part on how the man or woman was raised although as an adult he/she is perfectly capable of making different choices. Blaming it on "he's a caveman" is a little silly in my opinion and unfair to men who are perfectly "masculine" and thoughtful and considerate. Link to comment
n83 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 I agree with Batya.. that's a gender stereotype that is unfair and degrading to men in general. Most men would not be so clueless, and it is no excuse for what he did (or didn't do...) I understand that some people might think it's unfair to stay with him just because it's his birthday or something, but I don't see how staying with him one or two extra days is a big deal. It's not like I'm dragging it out for another year or even a month or a week. On the other hand, I think breaking up with someone on their birthday, or Valentine's day, is really lame. Link to comment
Siriana Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Yeah, it is lame. It would take a lot for me to dump someone on Vday or Bday! Heheh...now I remembered several situations where I wish I had that opportunity. Yeah, it wrong to do it - karma is a b..... Link to comment
n83 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 Yeah, it is lame. It would take a lot for me to dump someone on Vday or Bday! Heheh...now I remembered several situations where I wish I had that opportunity. Yeah, it wrong to do it - karma is a b..... LOL Syrix I agree.. in hindsight, there are alot of guys I've dated that I would gladly dump on their birthday, if I could redo it I don't think this situation warrants it though.. I don't know what to say to him when I dump him though. I don't know if I should tell him why I'm breaking up with him, or only tell him if he asks. I hate breaking up with people. I truly feel bad about it, regardless of what a dummy he is. Link to comment
Siriana Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Yeah, me too. I simply hate it. Because of that I wait too long, and by that time all my patience is gone and I am soo annoyed that i couldn't care less what to say. That's unhealthy.... I have no idea what to say or how to say it?! Say you're still not over your ex if he asks LOL Link to comment
n83 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 I have no idea what to say or how to say it?! Say you're still not over your ex if he asks LOL heheh Syrix, he knows I'm over my ex, wayyyyyyyy over him So that's out... See, the problem for me is, usually I end up breaking up with a guy because he's cheated. So I can just say, "It's over!!!" I've never really had to actually explain to a guy that I just don't want to date him any more, as weird as that sounds.. Link to comment
Siriana Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Say how you cheated LOL Just kidding. Say to him how you want to stop seing eachother because you think you're not compatible for the long term relationship (maybe word long term scares him off ;-)) Oh i bet there will be plenty other people who will know what to say. I suck at these things. Link to comment
n83 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 I could just say something like that...... that sounds pretty good to me, just that I don't see us working out long term because we want different things, so we might as well end it now before either one of us gets more hurt.. sound good?? Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 I could just say something like that...... that sounds pretty good to me, just that I don't see us working out long term because we want different things, so we might as well end it now before either one of us gets more hurt.. sound good?? That sounds good. Good luck. I dont really want to end things with my bf but he is giving me little choice. Link to comment
n83 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 That sounds good. Good luck. I dont really want to end things with my bf but he is giving me little choice. Thanks Bigheart.. Good luck to you too. Hopefully you can get a resolution one way or another, so you can move on with your life. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 I hope so...I have been with him for over a year and have just gotten so used to him in my life...but I think I need to start thinking about me. Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 I think your being unreasonable. Breaking up with him over only a couple days of the year. If you said you were getting him something small for Christamas he probably got the impression it wasn't a big deal. No Valentines present....so what. If things are good the rest of the time then focus on that, not on the 2 days he screws up. You should definatly talk to him though and explain what your expectations are for presents and stuff. Decide if you guys are even going to exchange gifts. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 I'll probably not be well-liked for this comment but I always liked what "The Rules" book said - break up with him if he doesn't get you a romantic gift for your bday or vday (obviously an exception if you discussed not exchanging gifts at all). Romantic can be a homemade card. Link to comment
Siriana Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Romantic can be a homemade card. Yeah, and it is romantic, that together with cooking a dinner. Link to comment
n83 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 I think your being unreasonable. Breaking up with him over only a couple days of the year. If you said you were getting him something small for Christamas he probably got the impression it wasn't a big deal. No Valentines present....so what. If things are good the rest of the time then focus on that, not on the 2 days he screws up. You should definatly talk to him though and explain what your expectations are for presents and stuff. Decide if you guys are even going to exchange gifts. This really isn't just about Valentine's and Xmas. I guess I didn't make that clear enough. This is just one more example of how things are not what I want out of my relationship. This is not a "good" relationship. I'd hope that you would not assume I'd break up with a good boyfriend over a matter of two holidays. Yeah, and it is romantic, that together with cooking a dinner. LOL my boyfriend doesn't know how to cook.. I'm not sure I'd wanna eat something he makes Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now