omg..still nothing!

[desert_rose26]

Ok, I decided to send him an email with a message and poem. But he hasn't sent even a reply back or anything. NOTHING. I am very surprised. Disappointed? no time for that. I think this may be over. He didn't even reply to say thanks!!!

[southerngirl]

How long ago did you send the message?

 

How are you sure that the message has even been received?

 

What is over as you put it, what kind of relationship is it?

[Meow18]

He might not have gotten it yet. I would give it a few more hours at least before you start assuming the worst..

[Zaphod]

This is the problem with ya modern day electronic communication - your never quite sure whether the other person actually got it - texts/emails/etc.

 

Or perhaps he's composing somethign back and it's taking him a while to think of the words?

All kinds of possibilities, none of which you can do anything about.

[desert_rose26]

this is a continuation from my other post...

 

Now I feel like he doesn't give a . I don't get it...he's soooo lazy. He said he was the thoughtful type. YEAH right...and I know he should've received it because I saw him online (i was offline). Because on msn, when u get an email from someone on your contact, it gives you a notification.

 

THe next step is to see what he says when we chat at our usual time, which is soon. This'll be interesting.

 

This was a lot of effort for me, what I did for him...I gave him a song and a pic of me...all in the valentine. After this, I'll just not care anymore..

[Meow18]

Maybe he has something planned. Don't assume that he doesn't, and don't assume that just because he hasn't replied means the worst. The best thing is to not have your expectations too high otherwise you will only be let down.

 

Don't be too hard on him just yet. The day isn't over..

[desert_rose26]

wow, I can't believe I get my heart broken on v-day for the first time in my life that I send someone a valentine. By not sending anything back he's telling me he's not into me anymore. I just wish he had the decency to say it to me. He saw me online and didn't even say a word and then logged off. This is it I guess. I feel like I was used...led on to think that he was stil into me.

 

I think he may be waiting for me to dump him. But doesn't it feel like he already dumped me.

 

What should my next step be? I just don't understand how a sudden u-turn this big can happen within a short amount of time... Do I like him? yes. Do I like someone who doesn't appreciate me? No.

 

What makes me angry is that just 2 days ago I asked him "is something wrong?" and he replied "the only thing wrong right now is I woke up late and now I have to get ready for work in 5 mins". Then, he said "you want to talk" so he called me from work.

 

Now THIS happened. Sent Valentine email to him and got no reply. Then he saw me on msn and didn't say hi then left. WHY?

 

What's ironic is that when I was single, my v-day was much better. ](*,)

[desert_rose26]

I still need some more help....my head is spinning..

 

 

So I sent him the v-day email message with a pic. He didn't reply. He saw me online but didn't IM me - I didn't IM him either. He's not the romantic type and I think he doesn't like v-day (now that I think about it). He DID ask me what I wanted for v-day a long time ago. But since I sent him a valentine message anyway, at LEAST he could do is reply with thanks right?? So since he DID NOT even reply, then something is definitely wrong right?? I never thought this would happen on v-day. and trust me, he got my v-day email.

 

What should be my next step??? Please someone help me...I'm hurt, confused, and upset. If this is what it takes to find true love, then I don't want any of it.

 

Should I confront him? Should I give him the silent treatment?? Should I just brush it off and just say "wow, I didn't know you hated v-day THAT much".

 

I'm not 100% ready to let go of him yet - we had plans...he's suppose to come visit me for the first time. We've been going at it online for only 2 months. (omg, i hope he's not reading this.)

[desert_rose26]

well...well well.

 

I guess I will just have to vent here...I was thinking to myself: I can't believe a valentine's email message could cause such a problem in a relationship!!

[Honey_30]

sometimes mails dont come through right away.. many times i have sent emails and the person hadnt received them until the following day or even longer or even the email never showed up at all..and this has happened where somebody insists they sent me mail but it never showed up in my inbox.

 

so it is possible..so i think you need to not run in gun blazing

 

on the other hand if he did receive that email and just didnt reply..well that isnt good, even if he doesnt like valentines day ..he could at least send back a reply just to say thankyou.

 

IMO if he cant be arsed to send a simple thanks.. then you are obviously not quite his prioty in life.

[Meow18]

Next time you see him online, send him a message. Don't wait for him to do it.

 

It's as if you are testing him. Why not just ask him if he got it?

 

 

Long distance relationships won't work if you can't be honest and talk to each other. Instead of jumping to conclusions, give him a chance to explain himself.

[desert_rose26]

thanks Meow18

and everyone who helped me.

 

I just asked him online if he received my email. He said yes. Then I said "let's just be friends". he then replied "...." "oh" and immediately went offline. I called him on his phone (i have to pay long distance) and then I said "is that what you want?" he said "if that's what you want". Then I explained what a girl was suppose to think of him not replying. He then said all the stuff about him being too busy with work and having a cold, and staying up late to do his work. He then apoligized and said he'd "try harder" and that he didn't know that I would be feeling this way.

 

I guess I started off the conversation wrong by being too harsh "let's just be friends" coz we usually end the conversation with a (k) a msn kiss. Needless to say, I didn't receive mine back this time. I still think he doesn't realize how much he hurt me. Now he probably thinks that if I was so easy to dump him, how much do I really like him. We're "OK" now. But if he takes me for granted again, I'm gone.

 

btw meow18, love your pic.

[Meow18]

[quote=desert_rose26;1463707

 

btw meow18, love your pic.

 

Thanks

 

I think that it's good that you got your feelings out. It did hurt you and I can understand why it did.

 

Just remember that issues need to be talked about. If you feel like something is not right, talk to him. You need to.

 

And if you feel like you deserve better than what he has to offer you, then you do.

[Honey_30]

 

 

I just asked him online if he received my email. He said yes. Then I said "let's just be friends". he then replied "...." "oh" and immediately went offline. I called him on his phone (i have to pay long distance) and then I said "is that what you want?" he said "if that's what you want". .

 

 

hmm he received the mail..but he didnt even send a simple thankyou.he really doesnt sound so into you, not at all. i would start preparing for this to end.

[Batya33]

The issue here is your mind set - in your mind this was a romantic relationship. Perhaps he went along with that mind set but when it comes down to it, you were e-mail pen pals who typed and talked and sometimes typed and talked in a romantic way.

 

I think your expectations about vday were unrealistic and it would be a real shame if you took from this e-mail penpal interaction anything negative about you or anything negative about men or relationships. Find someone in real life to date, and if your bday comes around or vday or a special holiday, you've been dating consistently in person for at least a few months and he does not acknowledge it, that is a real example of someone not treating you properly in a romantic relationship.

 

This is precisely the problem with calling this typing/talking/penpal/email buddy stuff a "relationship" - you get attached to an image, you get all sorts of expectations that are not justified and then when it doesn't "work out" you treat it as if it were an in person romantic relationship.

 

I am sorry you are disappointed - I know it "feels" like you were in a relationship and "feels" like you got your heart broken and hopefully this will mean that you work harder to meet people in real life. Good luck.

[desert_rose26]

yeah, thanks guys for the insight. I've taken it all into consideration.

 

About this "relationship" going to an end, well, I'm not sure where it's going.

 

I remember saying cleary, "if you are not interested in this relationship anymore then just be straight forward with me and be honest". Then he said "I didn't say that I wasn't interested in you anymore".

 

Then next I mentioned about how he didn't reply to my email and what I was suppose to think because of it.

 

THEN he actually realized why I was mad...

 

..He said he's sorry and that he should've taken 3 mins to write me back although he was really busy and didn't know that it'll make me feel this way. Then he said he would try harder.

 

Right now, it's either he's so BRAINDEAD OR he's LYING and just want to use me - but I can't think of a reason why he would want to do that since HE's the one that's paying to fly over to see me in a few months.

 

I gave him a chance to break up with me but he didn't. Maybe he doesn't like me anymore and is a coward to break up with me? But he also told me that he was a straightforward guy and didn't play games...that's what I liked about him in the first place.

 

(Yes, at the back of my mind, I'm waiting and preparing for this to end.)

 

After all that said, we went back online and then he asked if I wanted him to call me from work. Then i said not really since he's so busy and stressed. I said it's better when he's less busy and I can wait till the weekend.

 

The aftermath I think he's a bit hurt that I sounded like I was breaking up with him. When I confronted him why he immediately went offline after i typed "let's just be friends", he said "what's there left to talk about? you just dumped me".

 

opps on my part - i should not have started off by dumping him first without asking him why he didn't reply to my email. don't you think?

[Batya33]

Here is how I see it. First of all e-mail is never a good form of communication (or IMing) with someone you know in person, much less someone you don't - on any issues that are important, complex, capable of being misunderstood.

 

Second, I can say this pretty definitively. No one is too busy to respond to a vday message from someone they care about other than a life/death or similar emergency or crisis. I know this from personal experience and I know this from life experience. He is just not that into you - there is email, text, phone etc - this is not like "the old days" when there was just phone and no answering machine - and even then, believe me- a man got in touch to respond to a vday message from a woman he cared about.

 

Third, he said he just wants to be friends. Listen to that. A man who cares romantically or sees potential would never say that. Ever.

 

I would stop wasting my time typing and talking and I would not waste the time to meet him in person unless you are curious to meet your e-mail penpal and have no romantic feelings for him.

[Meow18]

The aftermath I think he's a bit hurt that I sounded like I was breaking up with him. When I confronted him why he immediately went offline after i typed "let's just be friends", he said "what's there left to talk about? you just dumped me".

 

opps on my part - i should not have started off by dumping him first without asking him why he didn't reply to my email. don't you think?

 

I think if you take this as a lesson learned, it will really help the relationship.

 

Also, if you can't trust him, there's no real relationship. That's why long distance is so hard.. because you just have to trust what they are saying and telling you.

 

He probably wouldn't still be with you if he didn't want to. Nobody wastes their time in a relationship with someone else if they really odn't want to be. Just trust that he would let you know if he didn't think things would work out.

[desert_rose26]

 

Third, he said he just wants to be friends. Listen to that. A man who cares romantically or sees potential would never say that. Ever.

 

I agree but he never said that - he actually got mad and went offline when I said that.

[Batya33]

OK on that point. You have my thoughts. Take this experience as a sign that you are ready to have someone in your life and get out there and meet people - in person - so that you can have a romantic relationship that you seem to want.

 

Sounds like you are wanting to believe he is "that" into you for some reason - fear of being alone? Are you willing to settle for typing and talking with a man who cannot be bothered to respond to a vday message because he is too "busy?"

[Meow18]

OK on that point. You have my thoughts. Take this experience as a sign that you are ready to have someone in your life and get out there and meet people - in person - so that you can have a romantic relationship that you seem to want.

 

I agree with this.

 

Long distance relationships are a lot harder because you can only go off of words. I mean, when you both have two separate lives so far away, it's not easy to always show your feelings through actions. And it's not easy taking hours daily out of your life to work on the relationship.

 

The other thing is that you have only been together for 1-2 months, right? If it's that early, and you haven't even met in real life, you don't really know each other too well. It might be harder for him to do romantic things for you when he doesn't really know you yet.

 

That doesn't make him braindead or stupid or even lazy. To some people it's common sense to reply to a valentine e-card. To others, it might not be. He just seems like the type who is still in the "getting to know you" stage and doesn't really know how to go about this kind of relationship. Maybe he feels that it's common sense for you to know he is thankful without saying it.. who knows.

 

It sounds like you really want more than what you are getting from this relationship. And that's ok, but it's not ok to expect things from him and get mad or insecure everytime he doesn't meet your expectations. That's just who he is and maybe he's not right for you if he's not meeting your expectations any way.

[Batya33]

But long distance relationship presumes that they have met in person - they have not - this is typing and talking to someone on line- that's it. I don't think the same analysis applies. It's not just "hard" - it's basically impossible to call it a romantic relationship.

[desert_rose26]

alright...he is avoiding me. I think he thinks I broke up with him too easily. He wasn't online. He didn't answer my phone call. I wrote an email apoligizing for the first time about me saying "let's just be friends". I know he's mad about that. I didn't mean it..but I said it. I guess I was way too harsh, didn't consider the other person's feelings. So, yeah..in my email I explained why I had jumped to the conclusion that I thought he wanted me to say that. So, I basically said I do care about him, and that I'm putting myself on the line. Which means, this is my attempt at making him understand and if he doesn't, then it will be over.

 

I just sent the email and if I don't get response by tomorrow, I will know it's over. OPPS - wait a minute. I just realized it's Saturday morning over there..maybe he hasn't woken up yet...ugh, this is stupid - I hope he dumps me soon, I can't do it.

[Batya33]

Wait. You are apologizing for him being too "busy" to respond to your vday message? I agree that if you want to tell him you misspoke at that moment that's fine but if I were you I would say something like "sorry if I was too harsh with the let's just be friends, but on reflection I need to be involved with someone who wants to put in the effort it takes in a relationship and from your behavior, you do not seem inspired to do so for whatever reason. Take care."

[desert_rose26]

yeah, that's along the lines of what I wrote. I ONLY apoligized for the wrong thing I said. Other than that, I just explained over again in detail why I was angry and that I hope he can understand that THAT is what made me say the wrong thing which was "let's just be friends" - which I didn't mean.