is it over?

[robinn]

I have been in a LDR since august when my gf went to China until this July. I went to see her at the beginning of January and we had an amazing time-in fact she said it was like falling in love all over again. It has been up and down though, with her alternating between wanting to come back and move in together, have my children and get married to being cold and telling me that she needs space and she want to go on a break. This has happened about three times now. Last week we were getting on amazingly-she had been travelling on her own and she was constantly telling me how much she loved me and how much she missed me, that she wanted to come back to China with me to show me all the amazing stuff she has seen. When she got home we were virtually in continous contact on the phone webcam and msn and she has been sending me letters telling me what she feels for me. Since about friday though she has been kinda cold online, and yesterday she said that she text me to say that she is not sure she want to be with me anymore. I phoned her today, I told her to stop messing me around, perhaps that was the wrong thing to do. She just said that she doesent know what she wants or who she is and that she feels everthing is predecided between us.

 

As is probably obvious, Im v confused! I can see I probably need to give her some space, perhaps I should have before. What should I do-is it too late to give her the space now? Or should I just cut my losses? I know she means it when she says all the possitive things, and with the negative things. I just know we could be so happy together, we both say it. I just dont know what to do!

[darkpumpkin]

I would agree with the space. If someone doesn't know what they want the best thing is to back off and let them decide. You don't really know what you had until it's gone. So with the time apart from you she can come to the conclusion that best suit her. I do however think you should let her know that if she does decide you are who she wants that she has to be absolutly sure. No more games.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

it sounds like she is off having lots of new experiences, but when she feels nostalgic or needs a touch of home or support, she hauls out your relationship and gets sentimental about it, then she's off again on an adventurge and leaving you behind...

 

she may or may not have met other men on her trip that she wants to/has been with, but you certainly don't deserve her waffling back and forth every week. Are you even sure she is coming back to you?

 

I think it might be to your advantage to go on 'break' and really mean it, tell her that she needs time to decide whether she is enjoying her freedom, or wants to come back into a relationship with you, fully, not just on and off.

 

if she is not really going to be there for you, then you need to be free to find someone who does love you and want to be with you and doesn't change her mind every 20 minutes.

[robinn]

Thanks. I dont really want to talk to her for a few months. I think we need some space to know who we are. Any tips?

[Meow18]

She's being honest with you about this feelings of doubt. I think she's obviously very confused and in this case, there isn't anything to do but give her space.

 

As hard as that is, it's for the best.

[Meow18]

Thanks. I dont really want to talk to her for a few months. I think we need some space to know who we are. Any tips?

 

The fact that you are long distance right now will help. But also, try your hardest to not call or email her or contact her at all.

[robinn]

Thanks. How about Valentines day?