Ck51010 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Long story but here goes: I have been with my fiance almost 3 years. We had a very open and honest communication as far as I could tell. Recently we have been going through some issues (petty arguments) For the last 2 or 3 weeks, she has been talking to a friend of hers from school a lot more than usual. I noticed this last week when I was paying her cell phone bill online. I asked her who is she talking to so much. He told me who he was and that he's just a friend and thier's nothing to worry about. At first I didn't think nothing of it, but something kept making me feel suspicious about the whole ordeal. Later on that day, I decided to look through her myspace messages (we always shared our passwords together, she said she never had a problem with it). My suspicions were somewhat comfirmed. The messages from her friend seemed very flirtatous and sexual in nature. Some even discussed spending time alone with each other. While I was doing this, she was on her way to his house to study homework together. She claimed it was her, him and 2 other friends. I completely lost (a decision I regret) and did something crazy and stupid..I show up at the friends house. He opens the door and I see her sitting at a dinner table eating dinner with him. I confront her about what I saw on myspace and we argue about it. After a while, I decide to leave and go home. Later on that night I call her and she tells me to come over to her place so we can talk about what happened. She kiss and makeup and everything seemed ok. A few days later she decides that she want's to go on a break so she can get her freedom back. This break started last week and is still in effect. Fst forward to the present: I spent the weekend with her even though were supposed to be on a break. We talked and she admited that she still loves me and we still have a chance at getting back together in the future. She constantly drops hints about us getting back together. She still carries on her "friendship" with the other guy. I notice that they seem to be getting closer. The better part of me goes snooping in her myspace again and discover that they told each other I love you and how they miss each other. Tonight we planned to spend valentines day together and now I'm not sure if I should or not. Is she playing me or do we really have a chance together. All the pieces to this puzzle aren't adding up in my head and it's driving me insane! There are more details that I might have left out. Please ask me any questions is necessary. Link to comment
darkpumpkin Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 She wants to spend valentines day with you but she has told this other guy she loves him and misses him? Did you argue at the "friends" house? Link to comment
ButterflyWrists Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I'd leave her, she's just messing with you, all that will happen is you get hurt again.. Find some friends, and go out with them instead... A girl who goes behind your back isn't worth you. Link to comment
JoeWho Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Your story brought back unpleasant memories about my ex. I was in a very similar situation as you find yourself in now. There are several things that you said that stand out and point you at the outcome to this mess. 1.) This "friend" of hers is more than a friend and she probably cheated on you 2.) She says she needs to find her freedom 3.) This friend and her already said they love and miss each other The best advice I can give you and I know that you dont want to hear it is to just walk away. You probably wont listen to anything anyone will say to you and you will have to learn the hard way just like most of us did (myself included). She is jerking you around, obviously she loves you but she is exploring other options while at the same time trying to hold onto you just in-case she changes her mind. Is that something that you are OK with? Probably not. The thing that you should do is tell her that you love her and want to be with her but what she is doing is unacceptable and unless she is willing to cut off contact with this friend and work things out with you then you are going to initiate no contact. If she chooses that she is not ready to commit (which she will most likely do) then tell her that unless she changes her mind realizes that she wants to be with you, that she should not contact you as you will be moving on. Either way you win, she will either never contact you and you will heal and move on with your life or she will realize what she lost and come crawling back hoping that you will take her back. I have been where you are and it is a tough place to be, but rest assured that no matter what happens you will make it through this. Be true to yourself and try not to do anything that you will regret. Good luck mate Link to comment
Ck51010 Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 She wants to spend valentines day with you but she has told this other guy she loves him and misses him? Did you argue at the "friends" house? Yes we did, she was angry that I showed up there to see her. I noticed that they were the only two there and not the other friends like she claimed before. She later on told me that her 2 other friends just didn't show up so they ended up alone. Link to comment
Momene Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 What she's ACTUALLY doing is deciding which one of you she wants to be with. You are both being played. I'd be inclined to talk to him about it and tell him what you think. Link to comment
Momene Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Yes we did, she was angry that I showed up there to see her. I noticed that they were the only two there and not the other friends like she claimed before. She later on told me that her 2 other friends just didn't show up so they ended up alone. Did she also tell you about the tooth fairy? Link to comment
chai714 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 She's a lost cause. This relationship is done. She abandoned it before she declared "let's take a break." I know it's difficult to take this in and fully comprehend what is happening but your woman is dating this other man. She's emotionally invested - at this point, nothing you say can bring her back. She doesn't respect you and has lied to you. Now if you choose, you can continue seeing her and allowing yourself to be led on. She has no intention of getting back with you though - she'll keep you wanting her for as long as she can. She'll give you just enough hope to keep you around. Walk away from her. What more do you want her to do in order for you to walk away from her? She has broken up with you and is spending time with this other guy. The engagement is over. Link to comment
Ck51010 Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 I know for a fact they kissed, she and he mentions it in a myspace message. I'm not sure if it went any further than that as of now. I also noticed that he visted her at her job about two sundays ago. I know this because she posted up a picture of him in front of the building she works in. I just found out about the work visit and the kiss last night and I haven't confronted her about it yet and I'm not sure if I should. This has been killing me inside. I have been nothing but good to her and it hurts that she feels strongly enough to throw away what we had. Thanks for your help. Link to comment
Ck51010 Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 What she's ACTUALLY doing is deciding which one of you she wants to be with. You are both being played. I'd be inclined to talk to him about it and tell him what you think. I have thought about this as a reason for her actions. It seems feasible because she admitted to me that she has feelings for him, but thier not stronger than what she has for me and she's just trying to figure out who he is. She does all this, yet she sends me messages and a nude photo saying that she still wants to be with me. The thing is, even though I know where on a break, I still continue to go spend time with her. It makes me feel used and I'm finding it hard to break the cycle and say no. Link to comment
JoeWho Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I know for a fact they kissed, she and he mentions it in a myspace message. I'm not sure if it went any further than that as of now. I also noticed that he visted her at her job about two sundays ago. I know this because she posted up a picture of him in front of the building she works in. I just found out about the work visit and the kiss last night and I haven't confronted her about it yet and I'm not sure if I should. This has been killing me inside. I have been nothing but good to her and it hurts that she feels strongly enough to throw away what we had. Thanks for your help. I know exactly what you are feeling, I was there 6 months ago. One of the worst things you can ever go through. Watching the person you love betray you and throw everything away. It really doesn't matter how far they actually went, the damage has been done and I think we can just assume the worst. As hard as it is to hear this relationship is most likely over and now you have to decide how painful and drawn out it has to be. I choose to go NC immediately and it was the best decision I ever made and I believe that it saved me months of heartache. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 it certainly sounds like what she has going on with this guy is more than a friendship. cell phone records, myspace, "study buddies"? i mean, she isn't even HIDING it from the public! If i were cheating on my boyfriend and wanted it to be a secret, i wouldn't have evidence of it and all those 'I love you's' all over myspace. That it's in this public forum sounds like she is not yours anymore. All those things add up to her being in a relationship with him. seriously, look at it from an outsider's perpective. if you saw my cell phone records and lovey-dovey messages on myspace to some guy, you would assume I was in some sort of a relationship with him, right? "Just friends?" I don't think so.... I think you have to do what is right for you, but i know that i would walk away if i were in your shoes. I certainly wouldn't spend valentine's day with someone I've been with for years if I discovered all the evidence you did. Link to comment
Momene Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 You definitely need to confront her about it and find out what lies she may have told him. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I know for a fact they kissed, she and he mentions it in a myspace message. At this point, it's done. Seen this exact situation play out so many times it's not even funny. She's gonna string you along for a while until she finally decides to drop you for good for the other guy. Unless you get the guts to stick up for yourself and drop her. All your suspicions were correct. Go into NC for a bit so you can regain your rational thought and then you will be much more able to deal with the situation. Link to comment
Ck51010 Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 You definitely need to confront her about it and find out what lies she may have told him. At this point, it's done. Seen this exact situation play out so many times it's not even funny. She's gonna string you along for a while until she finally decides to drop you for good for the other guy. Unless you get the guts to stick up for yourself and drop her. All your suspicions were correct. Go into NC for a bit so you can regain your rational thought and then you will be much more able to deal with the situation. it certainly sounds like what she has going on with this guy is more than a friendship. cell phone records, myspace, "study buddies"? i mean, she isn't even HIDING it from the public! If i were cheating on my boyfriend and wanted it to be a secret, i wouldn't have evidence of it and all those 'I love you's' all over myspace. That it's in this public forum sounds like she is not yours anymore. All those things add up to her being in a relationship with him. seriously, look at it from an outsider's perpective. if you saw my cell phone records and lovey-dovey messages on myspace to some guy, you would assume I was in some sort of a relationship with him, right? "Just friends?" I don't think so.... I think you have to do what is right for you, but i know that i would walk away if i were in your shoes. I certainly wouldn't spend valentine's day with someone I've been with for years if I discovered all the evidence you did. I just spoke to her and told her that i might not be visiting her for v-day. She started crying and asking why. I didn't give her an answer. Should I just go see her but don't let anything happen (sexual, emotional, etc) just to do a final session of telling her how I feel and then see where to move from there? Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I just spoke to her and told her that i might not be visiting her for v-day. She started crying and asking why. I didn't give her an answer. Should I just go see her but don't let anything happen (sexual, emotional, etc) just to do a final session of telling her how I feel and then see where to move from there? That's gonna be tough to do, see her without being emotional. More like an impossible task. Let her know what's going on. Call her and tell her that you need some time alone to figure out what's going on and what you want. There's nothing wrong with it. But be prepared thatshe might not respect your request and will contact you anyways. In thatcase, she is being selfish and you have to stick up for yourself and what you want. This is all about building back up your self esteem first. Once you've done that, everything else falls into place. Nc is the path. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 what wound up happening? Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now