It's all crap, all of it...

[lifestream]

Did you mean "literary" or "literate?" I am talking about men in their 30s and up - I agree with Dako.

 

When a person is sincerely interested in making plans she or he makes plans - she or he says "I am busy that night but what about ___ day" or at minimum "I am busy that night but I will call you by [x day] when I have had a chance to check my calendar."

 

I meant literal, sorry

[Batya33]

Nothing to be sorry about - my guess is since you are so literary, you're used to writing it that way - I kinda liked the "freudian" slip.

[wintersolstice]

This whining is not at all becoming.... be a man.

 

 

Maybe next time they "leave you hanging" as you put it you could say "what are you doing sat." or then approach them later with a day, time, and place...

 

With your personality I don't find your predicament hard to believe

 

God damn....

[Altruist]

...Most people I know get the message loud and clear if the response is less than enthusiastic...

 

I agree totally. I think what causes confusion sometimes is when the woman neglects to show the lack of enthusiasm and, instead, shows a lot of eagerness. This raises the guy's hopes of getting another date and the body language convinces him that the woman is interested. MAybe women should try to show lack of enthusiasm when they are saying things with double meanings so that the body language expresses exactly what they are trying to say.

 

...Maybe next time they "leave you hanging" as you put it you could say "what are you doing sat." or then approach them later with a day, time, and place...

 

Lol. He could only try that at the risk of appearing like an amateur stalker.

[CluelessGuy321]

This video kinda sums it up:

 

link removed

 

 

 

xD

[wintersolstice]

I agree totally. I think what causes confusion sometimes is when the woman neglects to show the lack of enthusiasm and, instead, shows a lot of eagerness. This raises the guy's hopes of getting another date and the body language convinces him that the woman is interested. MAybe women should try to show lack of enthusiasm when they are saying things with double meanings so that the body language expresses exactly what they are trying to say.

 

 

 

Lol. He could only try that at the risk of appearing like an amateur stalker.

 

 

are you serious? how does that make him a stalker? maybe if you assume she would not want to talk to you or want you to know about her that would make him come off as a stalker, but that's a really weird assumption.

[Altruist]

are you serious? how does that make him a stalker? maybe if you assume she would not want to talk to you or want you to know about her that would make him come off as a stalker, but that's a really weird assumption.

 

Persistently bothering someone who is not interested is tantamount to 'amateurish' stalking, in my opinion.

[SarahRose]

Maybe someone should make a list of phrases girls say that mean they aren't into you and then the guy would know where he stands.

[Batya33]

Maybe someone should make a list of phrases girls say that mean they aren't into you and then the guy would know where he stands.

 

I don't think it's particular to dating - when someone says (not in an enthusiastic way) "see you around sometime" or "yes, getting dinner sometime would be nice but I'm busy, so I'll call you if my schedule clears up, ok?" -- I assume that they are not that interested in getting together. A person who is interested makes it very clear - even if they cannot make a date right then and there, they tell you when they will be in touch and often give some idea as in "probably not this week but next week looks better - I'll call you tomorrow after I check my calendar." They commit to a specific time to see you or a fairly specific time to talk again in order to make plans.

[Shajenko]

Just think of it this way:

 

Women tend to be cowardly. They don't want confrontation purely for selfish reasons, though they will try to rationalize it as somehow being in the guy's favor too.

 

Basically, take anything other than a "yes" as a no. Don't waste your time on them any longer. Don't bother speaking to them again. Do a full on NEXT - make no contact with them, and politely but quickly get out of all contact they initiate with you. Never do them any favors.

[Dako]

a guy who keeps getting the gentle brush-off should be able to spot a pattern, and learn the code. It ain't rocket science.

[Batya33]

Just think of it this way:

 

Women tend to be cowardly. They don't want confrontation purely for selfish reasons, though they will try to rationalize it as somehow being in the guy's favor too.

 

Basically, take anything other than a "yes" as a no. Don't waste your time on them any longer. Don't bother speaking to them again. Do a full on NEXT - make no contact with them, and politely but quickly get out of all contact they initiate with you. Never do them any favors.

 

I'm not cowardly. Often I want to stay safe (based on bad experiences when I have been directly rejecting with men I have met through on line dating sites) or I don't want to unnecesarily hurt someone - at least where I am from and with respect to the people I know - they know how to read a gentle brush off and it is far more comfortable for everyone involved. It all depends on the situation.

[Shajenko]

I'm not cowardly. Often I want to stay safe (based on bad experiences when I have been directly rejecting with men I have met through on line dating sites) or I don't want to unnecesarily hurt someone - at least where I am from and with respect to the people I know - they know how to read a gentle brush off and it is far more comfortable for everyone involved. It all depends on the situation.

 

 

Yeah yeah, I know - lying is honorable, black is white, war is peace. Whatever. You tell yourself whatever you have to to soothe your conscience.

[Batya33]

In my religion, white lies are permitted to save a person's feelings. I am fine with both sides of that (having a friend tell me a white lie for that purpose, and vice versa).

 

Thanks for sharing! (And I hope you stop telling yourself whatever is reinforcing your negative mindset towards women - doesn't seem that healthy or productive to me).

[Shajenko]

In my religion, white lies are permitted to save a person's feelings. I am fine with both sides of that (having a friend tell me a white lie for that purpose, and vice versa).

 

I see, you think lying is fine. That tells us what kind of person you are.

 

Thanks for sharing! (And I hope you stop telling yourself whatever is reinforcing your negative mindset towards women

 

What's reinforcing my negative mindset towards women is women's behavior. Such as your own.

[Grosse vache]

Some of the things that you people have come out with in this thread just shocks me. The way you describe the opposite sex makes it seem like you hate them.

[Batya33]

No I do not think lying is fine. I think white lies for the purpose of saving someone's feelings from unnecessary hurt is fine and compassionate. If my friend asks me if she looks fat I am probably not going to tell her if she does, depending on the circumstances. If a man asks me if I am interested in seeing him again I will save us both the awkwardness of "no" by saying "well, I'm just not sure because of my busy schedule but if it clears up I will let you know, ok?" I asked my boyfriend -- a person of integrity -- what he thought of that type of response and he said - well obviously I would take that as a "no" - who wouldn't? It would not make him angry or negative - he would just know that he had been rejected the same as if she had said a direct "no."

 

Your exxageration of what I clearly wrote confirms for me your negative mindset - I hope you work on that since I am sure you have to interact with women in several areas of your life. I've been rejected many times - sometimes in not so nice ways - and never developed that negative mindset towards men (and I am much older than you). It's worth it - to do the work so that you can remain reasonably positive about women and all types of people. At least, to me.

[Shajenko]

Some of the things that you people have come out with in this thread just shocks me. The way you describe the opposite sex makes it seem like you hate them.

 

Why is that surprising? If you get nothing but scorn and contempt from the opposite sex, you will hate them.

 

For me, hate is a strong word. Condescension is more appropriate. Treating them like they are children does wonders - they respond well to it.

[Shajenko]

Your exxageration of what I clearly wrote confirms for me your negative mindset - I hope you work on that since I am sure you have to interact with women in several areas of your life.

 

Ah, subtle manipulation - I love it!

 

Don't worry - there are a great many successful misogynists.

[Dako]

Why is that surprising? If you get nothing but scorn and contempt from the opposite sex, you will hate them.

 

If you hate them, expect more scorn and contempt.

 

A chicken or egg dilemma.

[Batya33]

I would say that the common denominator in those negative interactions you refer to is . . . . you - take an objective look - or ask someone who has an objective view - on whether any of your behavior - including the hostility - is affecting how people interact with you (including women). It takes two. You might decide that you are the victim of "all women" but you also might gain some valuable insight into a part you might play.

 

I think as human beings we are obligated to fight the urge to generalize (which is the easy way out) about all "women" or "men" or "canadians" etc. or there really is just no point.

[Grosse vache]

It's surprising because I've experienced similar scorn and contempt and bad treatment from men but I don't hate the whole gender because I'm smart enough to know that there "are" good guys out there.

[Shajenko]

If you hate them, expect more scorn and contempt.

 

A chicken or egg dilemma.

 

Don't worry about me. I'm doing much better now that I'm lying to women. And no, I don't think that makes me a good person, or it's acceptable - I just think that they have it coming.

[Shajenko]

I think as human beings we are obligated to fight the urge to generalize (which is the easy way out) about all "women" or "men" or "canadians" etc. or there really is just no point.

 

Canadians are northern devils.

 

You know when it snows? That's when they're about to strike. The invasion is coming!

 

 

[Batya33]

Don't worry about me. I'm doing much better now that I'm lying to women. And no, I don't think that makes me a good person, or it's acceptable - I just think that they have it coming.

 

The victim of your behavior will only be you in reinforcing your negativity and ultimately driving other people away, not the women you lie to - most people have good instincts for liars, particularly those looking for healthy relationships -whether it is an initial instinct or it takes a short amount of time. And, of course it will damage your relationships with friends, male and female, too as if they know or sense what you are doing they will not trust you either. Just a thought.