b-day today...breaking NC?..help

[thatislife]

hi,

 

i already did a post on contacting her for her b-day. We had a breakup like 5 months ago. We had a ldr and one week after she was here she broke up by telephone.

Anyway after telling me a lot of different reasons, which drove me crazy at the time, but i realize now that it's all ***. She has always told me that she wants to be friends, loce me forever as a friends blabalbal. To me she says she never knows what will happen in the future blablabla, but from her friends i heard that she said never again.

 

Question shall i contact her for her b-day today??

[annie24]

I wouldn't. It's been 5 months, she broke up with you. Best to just forget it and move on....

[4GiveAnd4Get]

You are grabbing at straws right now. You are almost searching for reasons to make contact with her.

 

I really hate to be blunt, but just let it go. Walk away and do not look back. If you keep yourself in this whirlwind with this female, you will end up driving yourself insane.

 

I speak from experience

[LostLoveinLosAngeles]

You need to learn to let go. From my experience the ex that wants you back will actually try to get you back. If she still loved you she would be making the effort to be apart of your life. You already had this girl so move on to the next girl. But I always say do what you want to do. As long as you know nothing is going to come from it do whatever you want. But your not going to get back with her unless she is the one initiating contact.

[blender]

Give her a present and yourself a present on her birthday, and do NOT contact her. You can heal, and you can respect that she's not "ready" for a relationship right now. For whatever reasons.

 

How will you feel if you send her birthday wishes and she does not respond? How will you feel if she is forced to be "polite' and respond and you might take it "personally" and have a false hope? Does that cause a possible delay in your own healing over all this?

 

Think it all through, and ask yourself what your honest intentions are in wishing her a happy birthday..and how it will affect YOU..not her.

 

Why not just try to be in "acceptance" that for right now she made a choice to not be in a relationship and you can respect it, and yourself, and let go for today.. What "good" do you see in coming from sending her birthday wishes?

 

You might come to a better conclusion on what you choose to do if you ask yourself some of these questions. Your a good person and for now it might be best to just take care of you, and to try to grow past all this, and let her be... but let us know how your feeling about all this.. so you can make your own honest healthiest choice for YOU.

[trident]

1) Use friends as personal counsel & NOT as middle-men. That's

just a recipe for trouble.

 

2) If you want, send a Birthday Greeting. E-mail, card, flowers -

whatever. Your choice. However, send them w/o the expectation

of a response - positive or negative. If you do get one, then you

deal with it then. Sending a greeting in hopes that it will generate

an outcome you want is unfair to both of you.

[hades]

Ok, it's been 5 months, and the reasons she broke up with you where full of crap....

 

I would say this. If you really can't let it go, go get whatever you need that will make you feel better. I always make sure i have smokes. Call her up, say happy birthday, talk to her see if anything has changed. If it hasen't say "nice knowing ya, enjoy your life." and never talk to her again. If she plays games or won't answer anything honestly, she's still the same when you broke up. If she is honest and says she was a stupid head, and would like to see if things can work, there ya go.

 

Thing is, your going to get hurt. I'll bet a 20 that you can't even get a hold of her. She's obviously moved on, and has let it go. After 2-3 months, depending on how close you where, you pretty much have to accept it's over and done with. I hate reading people who have been broken up with their ex for 2 years from a 2 month relastionship and are still waiting for that magical phone call. It will not happen.

 

If you need closure, make the call, if you can't get through, say that if you want to talk to me you got till tomorow night, Your phone company is changing the # due to whatever, and get your closure.

[blender]

closure comes from "acceptance" not from the ex.. especially if the ex is the one who ended the relationship.. if the ex is NOT making any intentional sincere effort to be in your life, and is NOT contacting you to clearly say, "I want to try again as a couple"..well then there is your "closure"... yes it's painful, we've all cried buckets of tears, but YOU have the courage to be in "acceptance".. if you are still emotionally vulnerable, then it's best to maintain "no contact" and to take some time to re-gain your sense of self, and some perspective.. contacting the ex (even on thier birthday) is not going to make YOU feel better, IF since you broke up that ex has NOT made an "effort" to be in YOUR life.... so do what is best for YOUR heart right now, and it might be to "accept and let go"... and give yourself and the ex a present on their birthday and do NOT contact them..

 

But if you feel YOU will be okay if you do send birthday wishes and they are ignored, OR the ex is simply polite and says thank you, but that's it... just make sure you are "okay emotionally" with going through that right now.. if you still feel "too hopeful, or vulnerable".. than protect your heart first, and try to heal...

[thatislife]

hi,

 

thx guys for the support. I did indeed didn't contact her as wel for her b-day as for v-day.

 

It was a ldr, she broke up by telephone (she became famous dancer and told me she got more angry nd stronger, how strong to break up by tel.) and came up with so many different reasons i was totally confused, After 5 month and 4 weeks of NC I start to think clearer now and see that it's all crap, maybe i hurt her in a way i didn't see but i never did anything bad...it was all with good intentions. Was i so stupid?

 

she was the one who came up with future plans, marry etc. me instead older and more relationships said more easy but i was really stoked on it.

 

i see now NC is indeed for yourself but (for me at least) it does not mean that i dont think about her anymore, it's almost 24/7 a day...

 

I hope NC will be the way, she told me to be friends, i think it's more a weak excuse, time will tell. But as a human for me it's hard to understand that communication and relation between people can end like this...'shouting (from her side), finger pointing etc...it's like death only the corps still live...