which kind of relation would be best

[Belgian girl]

About more than two monts ago I found a studentcard when I was on my way to a studentdoctor. I contacted this boy and added him at messenger so I could make an appointment to give hime his card back.

From that moment he let two good friends of him add me at messenger as well, and it was like they were helping at both sides to make us a couple b/c they told me he was very interested and couldn't stop talking about me (but that he's a shy boy and never had done anything with a girl yet).

So last Friday we made an appointment that I should just bring him a birthday present I still had (he was home for several weeks b/c of holidays and exams). I bought him several bottles of beer he likes. We did about more than an hour talking at his room and then those two friends arrived (he told me that they would come when I entered but they came later then they said him).

Later in the evening he became very romantic, said lovewords, carried me in his arms, danced with me. And his friends went away several times to leave us alone (went buying soms pizza for ex.). They also were quite sexistic (but it still was funny most of the time and it would also be b/c of the alcohol). They especially spent time with listening music at the computer, and laughing with each other or dancing with me as well and talking of 'fighting for fun' with him and things like that.

I spent the night in the same bed, one of those friends went to his own studentbuilding that is very near, the other lives at home so he slept at the floor.

The boy asked (when we were alone) if I wanted to have sex but I refused (b/c I'm not like that to do that so quickly, also hasn't done that before and I always had the thought to wait until I have found someone very special who really loves me. I also want to take anticonception and not only using a condom). He said it's not really a problem. So we continued kissing and touching each other.

Next morning the other friend left after several hours. I stayed a little but I was unsure what he would prefer, that I went away as well or not.

And it was like his friends told me, he became more shy when we were alone. He continued sleeping next to me for an hour and then started cleaning his room and packing his bags (he was going back home as well that afternoon). I started learning a little of my online lessons at his laptop (but maybe that was a stupid choise, I don't know?).. He didn't speak so much that hour, sometimes he laughed with something or we talked a little. At the end he said: "It's not that I want you to leave but I almost got to go." So I understand it was better to go. He stared at me like he didn't know what to say/do and said 'To next time', and I went down outside.

In the evening at the computer his friends tried to hear me out about everything but I only answered when I thought it would be normal or they gave the impression it's O.K.. They also adviced me to send him a message, especially after something like this (he never kissed a girl before) so I send something about the football (he was on his way to watch a match) and also: I love you .

He sent back something like I haven't talked to them anymore and I prefer you don't tell them anything either. I'm on my way to the match. I speak you tomorrow at messenger.

So he came online yesterday and started saying I said them really to much. And that it really was a shock when he read that I love him. And he said sorry that he gave me the impression that he wanted more but that it was only ment for that evening. I asked if he knew that before I arrived and he answered No, not at all. I said it was like he's feeling bad that this has happened/he preferred not to have it like it was and he answered Yes, that a little. I asked if there has been something I've done that changed his mind and he answered No, it's not your fault. It's mine. But when you left I already felt that I shouldn't had let this happen. You already love me, that's much to soon to love somebody! I don't want a relationship at this moment. I want freedom, typical for boys. I asked if he also didn't want it with somebody else and he said Except with Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Anniston, no . I said I have the idea that he enjoyed the kissing and if it's true and he answered Sure of that, otherwise I didn't do it. I asked if he feels something for it to only continue kissing with me and then he copied that sentence of mine wrong (in our screen instead of I don't know who's, a friend his). I repeated he said the day before how much he liked me and he reacted confused Did I really say that? Than it's even more my fault! Then he said he got to go to buy something in a shop for his dad and that he would speak to me afterwards but didn't came online anymore and he ended with not to say to much to those two friends, b/c it's not their bussiness.

I talked to them a little b/c I didn't know what to do/what I could expect and felt disappointed (for two months they told me to turn towards him and that he's 99% sure).

The first conversation was very short (the one who's the most out to hear sensation), the other wanted me to tell enough details so he could give advice. He said it's possible the boy doesn't know what to do at this moment and/or is shy. And/or he's disappointed I didn't do more when I lay next to him and the best thing is I let it rest for a while and not contact him for about two days. He promissed me not to tell anything to both of them of what I told him. (This boy was also interested from the beginning but he 'let me over' for the other b/c this one calls himself a 'player' and he thinks I and the boy really suit each other).

So, what should I do next, or isn't there anything to do anymore? I've mistaken by writing him I love you, but it's true I would loved to have a relation with him. And in that conversation with this second friend he also asked if I could be in for only continuing kissing that boy and finally after a little more time also sex but no relationship (he was just searching solutions he said). I also asked then if there could be a chance that the boy will get love feelings for me if I would do that and he answered with maybe. And then 'perhaps more change from yes than no, I think'. Now I started asking myself if I could be in for that. I feel quite lonely in this life spending time learning, practising sport, following lessons, doing studentjobs, travelling back/from home, listening music at the computer. More than a year before I've been together with someone for nine months. I really felt good that evening/night. I feel very attracted to him and as well his inside as outside I think they are at least as good as mine. I'm not someone who goes out a lot, so I guess if I don't chose for one of those (if it's even possible!) I would stay alone for a long time. And I'm about to chance my opinions about staying virgin b/c almost nobody here thinks so difficult about it as I do and I even like it more that he still is, that's hard to find. Yeah, I'm quickly jealous, I think. Someone with advice/a reaction?

[Alabama]

It sounds like you really care for him. It seems that this boy is shy and even though you admitted your feelings to him, it is hard for him to do the same. It's been only 2 months, right? That is a little soon to tell someone you love them and that may have scared him. But give him time. I am sure he will return his feelings for you.

[Belgian girl]

waouw -> return his feelings for me?!

That sounds unbelievable but great !

He stayed friendly when he said that, so I think that's positive.

I told him I love him b/c yeah, I didn't meant I already love him with whole my heart, but more as a way to start it, I think people here say something like that quiete easy. (Should I make him clear it isn't true I'm already very attached and/or those words were said b/c his friend adviced me to take action and it would give a positive effect?)

So maybe the better next time (I guess after several days) I should start talking enthousiastic and with enough distance and try to give him a feeling like he has to run after me)? Yeah, a kind of no contact at this moment

But what about the 'I don't want a relation at this moment'-part?

And why, otherwise, he said he indead regrets it a little bit what has happened, and that he didn't knew at all before that evening that it was only for the moment? I'm almost sure the best thing is not to CLAIM at all and show I'm just having fun by myself and that he could join if he wants.

[lifestream]

Let me get this straight...you guys talked on msn for a little bit, met up, made out with each other, he asked for sex, you said no, he closes up.

 

Am I the only one who smells a rat in this picture? Considering he's done nothing with another girl?

 

How are you to know that he isn't just using you?

 

If you both just want physical closeness (and sex) then let it be known that's what you two will be getting. But I mean, he was disappointed that you didn't have sex with him?? A guy who hasn't done anything with a girl yet?? My god, he should certainly have the patience to develop feelings for a woman first!

 

But perhaps this is the problem. He wants to get laid. End of story.

You have to talk to him about this before you both start pulling for different things.

 

How much do you REALLY know about this boy? About his personality, history, likes/dislikes, interests etc?

[Thunderforce]

Sorry I have another opinion ... If someone say's I'm not looking for a relationship he means: sorry I just don't want a relationship with you ... It sounds harsch. But it's better to approach it like this because in this situation you should really not invest anymore time in this boy ... who first asked you to have sex with him and then a day later he seems not interested in you anymore. Good you didn't have sex with him. That would of only made it more painfull for you. This boy was just looking for a night of fun. He doesn't seem shy to me at all. Let this one go and don't keep your hopes up. He sounds like bad news!

 

Groetjes uit Nederland!

[Belgian girl]

hmm I have very much pictures, also of his family. He had been talking about little things and familythings as well, so it looked quiete personal to me.

I know about his family, his friends, his vacationplans, his political point of view, football,..

[Thunderforce]

Hmm... but these conversations were before the encounter happened right?

[Belgian girl]

indead.

And when I chatted afterwards with one of those two friends he at one moment asked as well How would you think by the way about continuïng kissing at after a longer time sex, but no relationship? (I asked if he would be in for kissing again without being together) Then I answered: I don't know yet, I've got to think about it in that case. Before I wouldn't have be like that but maybe I'm going to change my opinions.

And then I asked if he thinks it's possible the boy could get lovefeelings or get attached afterwards that and he said: Maybe. But more change it is, I guess.

[Belgian girl]

it's not for sure he's disappointed of that, it's just one of his friends thoughts about what's possible.

[fogi]

I wouldn't spend another thought on this guy. From what i read he was indeed just looking for a quick fun night. Saying no is probably the smartest thing you could've done especially because it uncovers his real intentions.

 

You dodged a bullet.

 

Take care.

[Belgian girl]

but maybe the question to have sex was b/c of the drank or b/c he doesn't want a relationship b/c of the disadvantages

thnx for warning me and to take the effort to read this long text.

[Belgian girl]

would it be a very stupid decision to give him the possibility to continue kissing each other (perhaps having a sexrelation after that)? Or could anyone for ex. say the disadvantage(s) of that? Or would it be a bad decision to start flirting with one of those two friends?

[melly11]

would it be a very stupid decision to give him the possibility to continue kissing each other (perhaps having a sexrelation after that)? Or could anyone for ex. say the disadvantage(s) of that? Or would it be a bad decision to start flirting with one of those two friends?

This especially stuck out to me... this is with complete respect, but hun you need to just calm down. Why would you want to start flirting with one of his friends? Because you're lonely? I think it would be a completely bad idea to continue seeing this boy and putting out the possibility of a sex relationship especially when he has already made his feelings known. Maybe he was interested in you, but then realized that its not what he thought...who knows. The point is he has told you that he doesn't want a relationship with you, and you can't change how someone feels...as much as you'd like to. You can't make him love you. Really, two months is not that long, just be glad that you didn't waste more of your time on this guy and do not change your views of sex so that they meet the standards of the people around you. Please. You will find someone who respects and loves to be with you...trust me. Don't start anything up with his friends either...thats just adding to the fire. I think you need to be comfortable with yourself before you have anyone. I understand you are lonely, but being loney can make you do dumb stuff that makes you come off as "easy" sometimes...I've been there. You will find love one day...

I think you need to forget him and move on...if he contacts you, deal with it when it happens, but otherwise I would advise you to stop contacting him.