Very Upset

[Desma214]

Okay as you know porn is definitely a subject alot of people have a problem with, I use to have a problem with it all the time because it seem like the only thing that interested my bf but when I felt my relationship start to change because of all of the emotions I was feeling over porn I promised myself I wouldnt let it bother me anymore and I thought I was finally over it I mean I was starting to at least respect myself not to compare to the women in them until tonight. I dont understand why my boyfriend even watches it in the first place but also why he tends to want to rub it in my face I dont know if he means to or what but it makes it hard to not get angry over it. Well we havent had sexual intercourse in a few days and the last time we did I literally asked him which didnt do much for my self esteem, so tonight I figured well maybe hes ready because I sure was, our typical night we both take a shower together, he goes to the bathroom and well you can take it from there but tonight he didnt want to take a shower with me and we laid there for a couple of hours and nothing happened just a little touching....after that was done and his movie went off he was ready to get online so I gave up I knew I was going to be second tonight if anything at all and sure enough whats the first thing he done was use the bathroom get online after about 10min back to the bathroom, now Im no genius but he just went to the bathroom well we all know what he did and not only did he do it but I got no lovin I was left to lay there and go to sleep which hurt so much you wouldnt understand but I just kept breathing to calm down. I dont understand why he has to rub it in my face I mean he knows how I feel about it and knows I try to deal with it but to rub it in my face and smile and laugh about it isnt good it makes me feel like a low life and just the thought of knowing I didnt get anything not even a thought from him hurts can someone give me advice? Ive done tried spicing it up but it doesnt work Im still left out.

[EvaGina]

you lay there and touched a bit... were you receptive? did you tell him how badly you wanted him? You may have turned him on with your touching but he may of felt like you didnt want to go all the way.

I dont mean to sound nasty, but it sounds like you were lying in bed with him, waiting for him to make the move...

seduce him, give him no choice but to sleep with you, turn him on so much that he NEEDS you... Dont let him do it straight away... make him think you will, then pull away and tease him a little (just a little, men get upset easily)

 

I can TOTALLY understand how it would hurt if he had a masty while you were lying in bed waiting for him... its not a case of asking him for sex, its a case of jumping him... making it obvious, without a doubt, that you want him and he drives you mad with desire.

 

Dont hold back, dont get nervous... just fling yourself at him, do everything that turns him on... kiss him all over and make him feel fantastic, if he still chooses porn over you... then there is a problem.

 

Confidence is key... how did you "spice things up"? if you dont mind me asking

[Northalius]

The thing is, even if she doesn't do that, he shouldn't be choosing porn over his girl. He should go for her if she's not going for him first. But... he's not. Thus, there is already a problem. And yes, it is the porn.

 

Desma, if you've read my posts on porn, you'll see I'm totally against it, especially in a committed relationship. I consider it mental cheating. I also believe it's not healthy even if both like it. Since, I don't think even willingly having threesomes is healthy for a 1 on 1 committed relationship; somewhere down the road, emotions from doing it with another person is going to get in the way; I look at it the same way when speaking of fantasizing about doing it with someone other than your partner. It's not good, imo.

 

As hard as this might be for you, I'd personally confront him on the issue. If he still doesn't listen, then just simply break it off with him; he seems to be picking porno over you, and that's just pathetic. Would you consider even marrying someone that did such a thing? If not, then there's no sense in staying with this guy, if you eventually plan on marrying him.

 

Just my opinion.

 

By the way, sorry about this. I can imagine the hurt you must feel. It angers me that children today can be so selfish and not mindful of their own partners' feelings. That's also why you'll see me stand strong against this porn issue.

[EvaGina]

"The thing is, even if she doesn't do that, he shouldn't be choosing porn over his girl. He should go for her if she's not going for him first. But... he's not. Thus, there is already a problem. And yes, it is the porn."

 

But he might feel that she doesnt really want him... if she is lying there waiting for him to do all the work (I dont know if this is the case, obviously, correct me if I am wrong, I am just stating one point of veiw) then he might feel unwanted in bed, but still in need of sexual release.

[Northalius]

"The thing is, even if she doesn't do that, he shouldn't be choosing porn over his girl. He should go for her if she's not going for him first. But... he's not. Thus, there is already a problem. And yes, it is the porn."

 

But he might feel that she doesnt really want him... if she is lying there waiting for him to do all the work (I dont know if this is the case, obviously, correct me if I am wrong, I am just stating one point of veiw) then he might feel unwanted in bed, but still in need of sexual release.

 

Then it's a lack of communication issue, which he should bring up in the first place; not go straight for the porn.

 

It seems too many'd make excuses like this, and I hope he doesn't use this one on her. Sorry, if you truly care for your partner, you'll open your mouth and speak your mind about issues that matter such as this one; not resort to watching other people have sex on the computer and masturbate to it.

[EvaGina]

What if she doesnt welcome communication tho?

She isnt asking him about the porn nor going out and talking to him about the issue, so it is just as much her fault as his.

[Northalius]

What if she doesnt welcome communication tho?

She isnt asking him about the porn nor going out and talking to him about the issue, so it is just as much her fault as his.

 

She said he already knows how she feels about the issue, and still does it; laughs in her face, etc.

 

I agree she should stand up and say something about it more so than what she seems to be doing now, but he's much more in the wrong for actually doing it instead of going to her first to look for ways to fix this relationship.

 

It's a big communication issue.

[EvaGina]

That it is.

Im not disagreeing with you on that part

Where does she say he laughs at her? (I re-read it, but I cant see it, I have lost my glasses)

[Northalius]

Here, near the end of her post:

 

I dont understand why he has to rub it in my face I mean he knows how I feel about it and knows I try to deal with it but to rub it in my face and smile and laugh about it isnt good it makes me feel like a low life

[EvaGina]

Oh... yeah, thats not cool

SOMEONE has to make an effort to break it. The sex has to improve or she has to deal with it.

 

I KNOW that it is less than ideal, she has spoken to him about it and he doesnt seem to respect her wishes. So either she does the work and deals with it, or she leaves.

 

I know its unfair and she shouldnt have to, but people choose who they are in a relationship with. If he doesnt respect her and she is willing to put up with it, then what else can she do?

 

He doesnt HAVE to change for her.

[cantexplain]

Ask him why he uses porn.

 

Tell him he doesn't have to answer the question right away - only honestly.

 

Then discuss ways the same needs can be met.

 

Personally, I wouldn't want the stuff in my house. But getting it out without resentment or it going subversive is another thing. This is why I think she should wait until things are going well in some other setting and ask him, "why?" Then cross that bridge.

 

The way accross the bridge is by following your feelings, I feel.

[Caprica]

It's refreshing that there are men out there who are against/not into porn. It makes my day, actually.

[doyathink]

It's refreshing that there are men out there who are against/not into porn. It makes my day, actually.

 

I know huh? I wonder if we can clone this dude...lol

[Caprica]

I know huh? I wonder if we can clone this dude...lol

 

 

Seriously!!

[cantexplain]

I know huh? I wonder if we can clone this dude...lol

 

HAH. I, who along with Northalius does not like porn, also don't like radical feminists, either.

 

I met Mary Daly years ago and her ideas of cloning men specifically for female purposes enraged me!

 

Seriously, I know you guys I mean gals are not this way.

 

I think a lot of men are uncomfortable with porn. Trouble is they are probably also in good marriages and busy doing other things than typing on the Internet. I can articulate these things as I've advocated for a few victims of sex abuse. I've done my research. I've concluded that the objectification of the human body as a sex object is connected to that. I am not necessarily saying that objectification leads to such behavior. But I do think there is some connection. Porn is very bad programming that can undermine real love.

 

I wish we could teach male kids this. I wish we could teach female kids to help their guys nip this in the bud.

 

I once ruled-out a dating prospect in that I did not find her that attractive. So we became friends. And we became better friends. In time my view of her started to change. Then she became the most beautiful woman in the world. I learned from that. To this day she is still one of the prettiest women I know. It is so weird. I can't explain it but I know it is good and right.

 

So the flipside of this is ... if porn exists within a love relationship, then what happens to the attraction which was once so real - felt so good and right?

 

Just think of all the good love which is missed out because people have been programmed by the media over what is attractive and what is not.

[Caprica]

Best post ever. Agreed 100 %

 

I also know what you mean about radical feminists, and I don't particularly consider myself to be one, I just wish there were more men who think like you about this subject out there (who are single!!!