Unwanted crush

[buddafleye]

I've been on the receiving end of a lot of unwanted crushes from guys, but this is the first time I've ever had to deal with a girl.

 

I've had a few major crushes on girls before so I know how it feels and I know how much rejection stings, but I just want nothing to do with this girl. She's not my type whatsoever and she's likely a few years younger than me. I'm about 99% sure she's a lesbian, somewhat from stereotypes, but also my own gaydar.

 

She hasn't come outright and said anything, but it's painfully, painfully obvious. She's in one of my university classes, a class that has a higher percentage of females. I remember taking notice of her my very first day. Not because I was interested, but because I could feel her glancing at me from a short distance. I've even caught her staring, but she looked away each time.

 

Then each class after the first, she seemed to pop up everywhere. If I left the class during break to get something to eat, she was right behind me. Always, always somewhere within range of me and staring.

 

I know from my own experience of falling for people I don't think I can have, everything she's doing is signs of a crush. At first I thought I might just be imaging things and had to get over myself, but it's been six months of all the same kind of stuff.

 

I don't want to go into too much detail because she could very well read these boards, but basically every week she makes it a point to stick around class later than she has to while I'm there.

 

And really, I have no clue what to do. She's making me uncomfortable from a distance because it feels sort of creepy stalkerish. I almost wish she'd just come out and say something, but we aren't friends and really have no reason to ever speak to one another. There's no way in hell I'm initiating the conversation because it'll make her think I'm interested. I could definitely survive until the end of the year and then hopefully never have a class with her again, but I guess I feel bad for her sort of.

 

On a more positive note, it does, in a way, make me feel sort of good because maybe this means I'm putting out "vibes" and one day I'll attract someone I'm actually interested in. haha.

 

What have you guys done in the past with an unwanted crush?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i think you should listen to your 'other' radar, the one that is telling you that this behavior is a little creepy... in a university/class environment, it is very easy for people to meet and talk and become friends, but her hanging back and just watching you all the time, and showing up where you go is a bit creepy... maybe she's really shy, but then, maybe she's really obsessive and creepy...

 

if she's really got problems, talking to her will only make it worse... stalkers tend to have common traits, and the more contact they have with the person they are obsessed with, the worse the obsession becomes...

 

so if your intuition is telling you this is weird, then listen to it... don't contact her or talk to her ever, just avoid her as much as possible, avoid eye contact, leave if you think she is following you etc.

 

the world is full of simple crushes, but there are nuts out there, in all shapes and sizes and orientations...

[Locke2121]

Why not simply talk to her? And once the two of you get to know each other, simply tell her that, if she is interested, that your touched, but you simply don't swing that way.

[buddafleye]

That's what I've been trying to do... avoid eye contact, avoid all contact. I ran into her in the hallway last week and she watched me the whole way. All I could do was pretend to stare really intensely ahead of me like I was busy. Her whole body language changed to the giddy/nervous/play with my hair kinda thing. I totally recognize it because that's what I do when I like someone.

 

One time I went to my discussion group for this class we're in (she has hers the period before mine) and she left all her stuff in the seat next to where I normally sit. Her class was over, but as usual she hung around just randomly talking to people, staring at me, making me uncomfortable. I know she knows where I sit because since day one she's been waiting around after her class, so we always come in and take our seats while she's still there. Anyway, she had to walk behind me to get her stuff and her hand brushed my @ss. Accident? I have no idea. It sure didn't feel like an accident, especially considering everything else. She said sorry and I couldn't even look at her. I just nodded my head and stared straight ahead.

 

I'm not overly worried about her. I'm sure, if I'm right, it's just a crush. Crushes can turn people into crazy stalkerish types sometimes. I just wish she would get the point. I'm clearly ignoring her and clearly not interested.

[buddafleye]

Why not simply talk to her? And once the two of you get to know each other, simply tell her that, if she is interested, that your touched, but you simply don't swing that way.

 

 

Because I'm not interested in talking to her. I have no reason to talk to her. I'm in a lecture of 100+ people, so you don't just randomly talk to someone. If I talk to her, if she does have a crush, she's going to think I'm interested and I'd rather not take this thing any further. She should just get the point when I blatantly ignore her and her eye contact every day. But she doesn't seem to.

 

I do swing that way (most of the time), so that's not the issue. She's more of "butch" type of girl, only not totally butch. I don't know what the term would be. But she's not my type to date and she's not someone I'd even be friends with. She's younger than me and I'm only interested in older, more femme (ish) types like myself.

[Locke2121]

Then tell her that. If you don't, if you let her continue to follow you around like a little puppy, you simply encourage that behaviour.

[buddafleye]

Then tell her that. If you don't, if you let her continue to follow you around like a little puppy, you simply encourage that behaviour.

 

 

I really don't think it's my responsibility or problem. How am I encouraging ANYTHING having never spoken to her, ignoring her all the time, etc. I'm not going to go out of my comfort zone to tell her to EF off and get a life, in nicer terms obviously.

 

I'm just going to keep ignoring her because if she can't get a clue, it's her own problem. I'm done in three months and never have to see her again.

[IntoTheFire]

If I was in your situation, I would get her attention outside of class; on a lunch break or something, while she's on her own and tell her your concerns with regard to the attention you think she has been giving you. Like someone said before me, be friendly and polite and simply tell her that it's not your kinda thing.

 

If you can understand where this girl is coming from (and I think you can, since you referred to your own experience in your post) and that she's probably infatuated with you, I hope you'll imagine yourself in this girls position, it's probably driving her just as crazy as it is you.

 

Talk to her, be nice, be casual, and tell her that you're not digging the attention.

[Cid]

If you want to beat around the bush then get one of your friends and ask them if you can hold there hands and stuff like that. Make shure that she can see you do that. And with luck she will think you are taken. Or you can just tell her off.

[Locke2121]

By not telling her that she is making you uncomfortable, she has no reason to stop her present actions.

[jgrl]

Are you afraid of her, or just uncomfortable?

 

If you have no reason to fear her, why not say something? Maybe she is just coming out, and perhaps she needs a friend? Is there a gay/lesbian club or organization on campus? Maybe you could let her know about that?

 

Does she give you 'bad vibes'? If so, I'd stay clear of her.

[buddafleye]

I'm definitely not afraid of her.

 

I don't want to say anything because it's not my problem. I'm annoyed she's made it an issue for me. I'm not going to approach her because I don't care enough to talk to her. Sometimes if someone's interested in me, even when I'm not interested in them I feel slightly flattered or somewhat attracted to them just because they like me. Well I'm just plain annoyed by this girl. I feel nothing but resentment towards her and I don't even know who she really is. She's not my type, she's never going to be my type. She tries to make eye contact and I clearly pretend she doesn't exist.

 

I feel like a horrible person, but if I were her I would've definitely gotten the point by now. It's not my job to make her come to that realization.

 

Are you afraid of her, or just uncomfortable?

 

If you have no reason to fear her, why not say something? Maybe she is just coming out, and perhaps she needs a friend? Is there a gay/lesbian club or organization on campus? Maybe you could let her know about that?

 

Does she give you 'bad vibes'? If so, I'd stay clear of her.

[buddafleye]

By not telling her that she is making you uncomfortable, she has no reason to stop her present actions.

 

This is true.

 

And I still don't care. I'll be uncomfortable because I'm not giving her the satisfaction of speaking to me.