Passion Sex and Me

[MKN]

Hey thanks for reading. Well I'll begin by saying that I love my girlfriend very, very much. She is my best friend and is there for me always. We've been together for a total of 2 years and I do not see any end in sight.

 

Well we are sexually active, and that is part of my problem. When we had first started have sex, it was great. It was spontaneous, and just full of passion. We communicated well about it and it was never a real issue of anything.

 

After awhile it actually turned into something we just DID, not something where I could honestly say that everytime It was romantic and thoughtful, I actually hadn't realized it when it was even happening.

 

Well for a summer I had to move away to help my family for a couple months, this was about a couple hours from my girlfriend. I could visit my girlfriend occasionally. Although when i visited her, her sex drive seemed to have been lost. This was when I noticed that we had a problem, or was it. . I moved back and it still seemed to be the same. I keep telling myself that it is my fault that she no longer desires to be "close" to me on that level because i took for granted all of those times that we had sex just because.

 

I've got to be honest, I love sex...But I can without a doubt do without it. My girlfriend and I still do things but everytime it is me initiating it. She enjoys it just as she did before, just now she never initiates it at all. Why is this....Should I just give up all together on the sexual part of the relationship, or is there something I can do that can give us back that spark.

 

Sorry If I jumped around in this post a lot, Just looking for some insight. Thanks a lot.

[TheRedQueen]

Ask her why she never initiates, and be open and receptive to her feedback.

[MKN]

I actually have before several times and I get the simple answer, I just dont feel like it..... Which I dont understand because when It does happen...shes into it? very lost lol

[TheRedQueen]

Well, I certainly cannot speak for her, but I know that in the past when I've gone through "I just don't feel like it" phases, they were usually indicative of me feeling somewhat, temporarily turned off by my partner.

[MKN]

Our relationship is great. Just that small aspect of it I've noticed that has changed worries me at times. I'm sure you are right.

 

thanks for the help

[TheRedQueen]

Perhaps your sex is becoming too routinized. Why don't you guys try something new, that will definitely shake things up a bit. Ask her if she has any new or unfulfilled sexual fantasies. Ask her what turns her on, what foreplay she prefers, etc.

[Q-ball]

Be careful not to make her feel like she has a problem. This will only build up anxiety about her sex drive. It's a tricky situation. I've heard that holding back from having sex will get them going again. This is pretty hard to do for a guy though, it's hard to say no when there begging for it. Tease her and get her off the way you used to before you started having sex. This will be a good change for both of you, more work of course, but I bet it will spice things up again.

 

When you do start having sex again, tell her that you want to try new things. Tie her up, massage her with oil, etc...

[TheRedQueen]

Be careful not to make her feel like she has a problem. This will only build up anxiety about her sex drive. It's a tricky situation. I've heard that holding back from having sex will get them going again. This is pretty hard to do for a guy though, it's hard to say no when there begging for it. Tease her and get her off the way you used to before you started having sex. This will be a good change for both of you, more work of course, but I bet it will spice things up again.

 

When you do start having sex again, tell her that you want to try new things. Tie her up, massage her with oil, etc...

Awesome advice. Impressive.

[lipostudio]

Sex therapy. Read self-help books about it or find a local class - often community centres or other community organisations run them, or you could find a private therapist if that was an option for you financially. A lot of people think sex therapy is mostly only for older couples, but it needn't be.

[Beec]

One thing that you will have lost is tension. Tension is not always bad, and in our relationships it is often very, very good. It's what makes things exciting.

 

Think about the butterflies you have had when on a first date, the little notes in your stomach, the bit of tension wonderig if she likes you, the idea about "is she going to let me kiss her?" That's tension. Now think about how you feel when you lean into to kiss her, touch your lips to hers, have some tentative contact, and then she really kisses you back. How do you feel when she kisses you back? Better than good, right? You feel great, excited. That's the release of the tension. Tension and release is good for a relationship, in the right amount.

 

Tension is simply the feeling we get when we are not sure of the outcome. When there are different things that could occur. When you and her meet and you know that you will follow a certain pattern, kissing so often, for about so much time, leading her into the bedroom, taking off both fo your clothes in the same manner, and proceeding to have sex by following the same pattern, there is no tension.

 

One of my favorite ways to create tension is to play hard to get, act like I am not so interested, act in a way to make her think it might not happen, then attack, take all that tension she had built up and attack so that her tension is released.

 

One of the best ways you might be able to get it is by your also playing hard to get until she works to get some.

 

Another way is to just do something different. A differnet position, a different location, a different activity.

 

When you do all this and you get her liking it, then sit her down, talk to her, and let her know that you need some of the same.

 

Too much tension can be abusive.

[MKN]

Thanks for all of the help. Right now I think I'm just going to not initiate it at all.

 

"One of the best ways you might be able to get it is by your also playing hard to get until she works to get some." awesome advice

[candy604]

hrmm.yeah my bf asks me the say thing " why don't u intiate it?" and i gave almost the exact answer as ur gf. I guess i like it that way or i view that the man does the job. so i dunno..maybe that's what she thinks as well? or perhaps u can just tell her u like it when she intiates coz its hot..something like that.