Pregnant Partner - Loss of Respect for me.

[johndoe1]

Well here is a tricky one; hopefully someone can help me or share some ideas on the best course of action here.

 

My Partner and I use to do everything together, it was great; she was perfectly matched to me in almost every way (when I say almost, the only thing that she doesn't like that I do is swimming).

 

Day In, Day Out; Apart from Daily happenings there was no need to discuss where we both stood on the main points of life and opinions on life's happenings as we both always knew that we where thinking the same thing.

Our time instead was spent enjoying each others company doing crazy fun stuff like Go-Karts, Roller Coasters, Movies and attempting to make meals that we had never made before, etc...

 

Of course at the time I was unhappy with my job and the people I was living with, so together we decided to move to a different town. (Her mother happened to live just down the road, where we moved to).

 

In fact we where so happy with each other that we agreed that having a child would be a awesomely beautiful thing to have with each other, so 2 months later she is pregnant.

 

Now this is where things start to become completely on the shorter side of the grassy field (if you get what I mean).

 

One month into the pregnancy she starts acting odd, always complaining about being sick and being tired (of course after some internet research into being a father I figured that this was normal, I'll add at this point I don't really have a family so my Partner is my world).

 

Second month in she is only seeing me from 5pm-6pm each day, sleeping at her mothers and telling me that she is so tired that she can only sleep there; after asking if I was doing something in my sleep that used to keep her awake or was it something else I was meet with the answer 'I Don't Know'. Of course being the fully open person I am (why wouldn't I be, she has our child in the oven as it where after all) I explained that I was feeling terrible that she didn't seem to show any interest in me anymore (like I was a no-body to her), also that of course I didn't expect unreasonable things of her, I just deserved alot more time and affection than she was giving me.

 

Unfortunately from this point the 1 hour a day visits became, 1 hour every 3 day visits. I have cried and begged of her that she think of what she was doing to me but still, that same stalling answer 'I Don't Know, Nothing has changed'!... WHAT!!!!

 

Cut a long story short I packed my stuff, found her and gave her a hug and said 'Goodbye, I love you' with tears in my eyes and have moved back to my old town where an old school mate has given me the opportunity to flat with him till I get a job here so I can rent a house. She remains in a different town and apart from the one visit she has paid to me she (telling me that she wants it to work, and she now sees she has changed. Followed by telling me she wants to do relationship counseling), after a nightly calls to her on the phone to her I am left with the feeling that new excuses will just end me in the same upset confused position.

 

I am a loving, upset and confused father. I have never hurt my precious partner. I am left with the following unknown questions.

 

What made her do this to me?

From the first month of pregnancy was she concealing a regret (if so the previous question is needed to be answered I think)?

I still love her, but does the girl I think I know and love thing I am a nobody?

Where does do I stand with the Baby, apart from up creek without a paddle paying child support (even though I would have out my life on the line to protect the mother)?

 

WHY!? WHY!?

 

To end this rant (it is helping me clear my head), the last call I told her "I am over trying, Call me when you genuinely care and wish for things to work; I still love you, goodbye" *End Key*.

 

All help is appreciated, I have truncated the story by omitting a few things; i.e I have removed my personal suicidal thoughts that cropped up at times (don't worry about that though, because I am to sensible to carry though with anything like that).

[J6hn]

She's not being open.

You need to clarify the problem before you try and solve it.

 

Be supportive and understanding to her needs.

[RayKay]

Well, it is very apparent something is bothering her; but until she is honest about it it is hard to advise.

 

I would recommend that you do go through with relationship counselling if she is willing as there is a child involved. And individual therapy for yourself if you can.

 

I am sorry; I am not sure what to tell you if it was so abrupt and she gave no indication; something seems very odd or missing from the story but I am not sure if you even know yourself what is. Obviously she changed before you started feeling more needy; the fact she only saw you an hour a day and stayed at her mothers was for SOME reason and only she knows.

[RayKay]

As for the child, contact a lawyer to see what the best options for you are. You can still file for custody rights and access for example once the child is born. But talk to a lawyer NOW to find out the rules in your area and what they recommend you do right now to improve options later.

[rocio]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It doesn't sound pleasant at all. How far along is she? Try to support her while giving her the distance she clearly needs right now. The hormones may have caused her to be depressed, or the sudden life changes may have been too much for her to handle. Once she calms down and comes to terms with everything that's been happening, she may go back to being herself with you. Don't give up on her. It's your turn to be the bigger person right now. Send her little presents, like a day at the spa. Try to befriend her mother to get on her good side (we tend to take the opinions of our girlfriends, mother, sister very seriously, especially in confusing situations like this). If she'll agree to it, take her on dates - out for supper, to watch a live blues band, whatever you guys are into. Don't pressure her by talking about getting back together or asking for answers. (I know, you deserve answers. I'm just not sure you're going to get them right now.) Tell her you're proud of her for doing the amazing thing of making a baby. Thank her for being healthy and responsible during the pregnancy.

 

Have you ever been drunk and angry? That's how it feels to be pregnant and hormonal. Your emotions are so overwhelming and there's a part of you that knows it's not rational (like when you're drunk and you're not sure if you're angry because you're drunk, or if you're angry for legitimate reasons). It's very confusing and easy to lose touch with reality.

[BellaDonna]

Followed by telling me she wants to do relationship counseling

 

I think there is still hope. See if she is serious about this by telling her that you'd like to look for a counselor together and schedule an appointment ASAP.

 

BellaDonna

[johndoe1]

She is now 2 and a Half Months along; I used to get along with her mother fine.

 

I also can see a part of the story missing; just unsure on what that part is (Hence the Confusion).

 

It's hard because one part of me wants to tell her to stuff off for causing me such emotional pain and confusion, however the other part doesn't want to end it because of the hope that the old her will come back (Lets hope it does).

 

Also on Wednesday she had planned for us to find a relationship counseller, however turns out that her mother is after a new car down the somewhere down the country and our days plans where 'Plan B'; I don't understand why she told me she wanted it to work, only to put it off (Excuse?).

If she really wanted it to work I would have thought that she would have said to her mother "I can't do it today because Olly and I have plans"?

 

Also thanks for the ideas on the lawyer thing, will see what I can do in the mean time while what ever happens, happens.

[rocio]

2.5 months?! Wow, your life has sure turned upside-down before you even had a chance to see it coming, huh? The good news is that her hormones should go back to functional levels within the next month or so.

[Godzilla]

All help is appreciated, I have truncated the story by omitting a few things; i.e I have removed my personal suicidal thoughts that cropped up at times (don't worry about that though, because I am to sensible to carry though with anything like that).

 

Get suicide out of your mind. The world is a really huge place and not all that bad.

 

If you think hard, you will probably figure out the reason this happened. Did she love you from the beginning? Have you tried asking her mother what the problem could be?

[blindfold]

maybe she is suffering from depression... people who are depressed normally don't even realise it, and she may attributing some symptoms of depression to the fact that she is pregnant (i.e.- mood changes and sleepiness), but maybe there is smt beyond that... your child needs you, and certainly needs his/her mother, so maybe you should try some kind of professional help - psychologist, maybe?