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Ex just text and rang. Oh Help.

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Right - I really didn't expect this at all. I got a text from my ex (dumper) about an hour ago...I'll type them out, it's just easier.


Him "Are you awake?"

Me "Yes"

Him "Are you ok? xx"

Me "In general or right now?"

Him "In general. I miss you stephamy xx" (stephamy is his pet name for me)

Me "I'm fine. I don't know what else to say"

Him "Oh. you don't miss me or anything?? xx"

Me "I don't know if I do. Some days i'm fine, others I don't think of anything else"


Then he rang me. I have a strong feeling he'd had at least a couple of drinks. The whole conversation was mostly him asking how I was, what I'd been up to, did I have a job yet, how is my nephew...with me saying the bare minimum. Then he asked if I had a good New Year. He broke up with me 4 days before New Year. I said it was alright, I spent it with my siblings.

"Did you get really drunk?"

"No - that's why I went to their's. I didn't want to get drunk"

"Why not?"

"I thought it would be the best idea"

There was a pause, and he asked if I hated him. I said a little. He asked on a scale of 1-7, and I said 2/3. He seemed impressed by that. He asked me to go and see him at this pub tomorrow, I just said no. He asked why, I said I don't have any money and my family are down. I wish I'd been a bit stronger with that, but I was in shock and trying not to cry the whole time. He said he would ring me tomorrow, then said he was going to bed, and asked me to text him something. When we were together and spoke on the phone before going to sleep, he'd always say "Text me something lovely". I just said bye, and hung up.


Then whilst I was finding out who was awake of my friends to talk to, he sent me another text.

"Sorry if I upset you sweetie. I miss you. Sleep tight xxx"


I don't know what to do. I just had an hour long conversation with one of my best friends, mostly her telling me to stay strong and not to anything stupid, remember how much he hurt me, and remember how much stuff he has done whilst drunk that he has regretted. Please...help. I don't know what to do, I'm scared that I won't be able to stop myself forgiving him and that I'll end up getting hurt again.

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If you think he's been drinking you did exactly what you should have, kept the conversation to a minimum and got off the phone as quickly as possible.


Remember that he broke up with you- that was his choice. So regret is all fine and lovely, but what does he really want?


If it's not to say "I'm sorry and I want to work it out..." is it really anything you want to hear?


BTW, why did he break up with you?

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I guess I'll know if he does actually contact me today. It hardly seems real anymore, like I dreamt it. I'm just trying to pscyhe myself up in case he does. I've decided to write down everything I feel about this, whether I like how I feel or not, so that he won't be able to sway me.


He said he didn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore.

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I already keep a diary, have done for years. Only ever enter in it when the situation get beyond what I can handle. It's been entered in a lot recently.


This whole thing really annoys me. I'd decided that February was going to be my new start, because New Year was still surrounded by the break up. Less than an hour after I decided this, he did this and put me back to square one. I can't believe he used his pet name for me. I can't even believe he called me sweetie as well. Why can't he just stick to his decision?

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He's managed to get to me again. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that he was just drunk and there was no way he'd ring me today...I couldn't stop myself thinking he would - even hoping. All my friends are telling me not to go there again, but I can tell by how depressed I feel now that I must have started considering it.


He hasn't got in touch today - that I know of. I had an email account that I asked my friend to change the password for, so I wouldn't have to wonder if he'd emailed. He said last night that if he went to work he'd email me the number of his old job (I'm looking for work) and now I can't stop wondering if he's contacted me that way.


It's amazing how quickly and simply exes can undo everything isn't it?

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Sadly so. Undoubtedly the biggest hindrance to NC and the desire to move on is always that "is he calling me to get back together?" response. And the only three ways that I know of to deal with that are


(1) To make it so that he really can't contact you at all; your e-mail account password step was an excellent example of this (so congratulate yourself; it takes some courage to be prepared to do that!). This is technically difficult to achieve, and emotionally difficult to implement.


(2) To convince yourself that if he really wants to get back together with you, he's not going to give up after the current phone call/e-mail/whatever, and so it's not that important to answer it. If you think he is going to give up, then you know he can't possibly be serious about wanting you back, so you can even think of it as a test (though I wouldn't recommend it), as long as it helps you do the right thing (not pick up the phone/read the message/whatever).


(3) To convince yourself, and I mean *really* convince yourself, that it doesn't matter whether or not he wants to get back together with you, because you don't want to get back together with him. I think it's only when you reach that point does the healing truly begin, and it becomes a whole lot easier then to ignore the phone.


Don't ask me how to achieve (3), other than time and distraction. If I knew that, I'd be a rich man.

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