Kids & Divorce

[MathewAllan]

Hello all:

 

Would like some advice.

 

I am a divorced father who has since remarried. I have two kids through my x-wife - who are both wonderful kids. I have been divorced now three years and just recently remarried. The divorce was pretty straight forward as divorces go. With that said, god help anyone that has to go through a divorce. None the less, we kept it away from the kids, never fought in front of them and as much as possible tried to help them understand what was happening - without putting them in the middle. We both promised that we would not fight through the kids - that no matter what we felt about each other - we would both support and love the kids and make sure they had what they needed.

 

Flash forward a few years and my wife has become increasingly angry. She blames everything that has ever gone wrong in her life on me, my family and my new wife. She is fixated on the ideal that my new wife stole me away from her - although we had not even met at the time of the divorce. She is telling my kids that I left them for that "blank, blank, etc." evil women and so on. She calls my new wife and screams obscenities at her. Now my kids, especially my little girl (she is only 11 years old). is sick - all the time. She complains she has stomach aches - and when she comes to see me - clings to me like she was never going to see me again. I have spoken to my ex about this - told her that all she is doing is hurting her kids - all she comes back with is that it is all my fault and "look at what you did to your kids....".

 

This is killing me. I left my x-wife because she was impossible. She would go berserk over stuff - little stuff that should not have mattered. She was angry at the world when we were married, she is angry at the world now. We split up because of this. I love those kids, would do anything for them. I cannot sit back and watch her destroy them - but the more I try to help and support them the more my x-wife lashes out at them, me, my new wife, the world. What can I do?

[Beec]

Other than just love your kids, you could seek custody or try to get your wife some help, but I don't see her agreeing to get any with her attitude.

 

I think what she does not see is that she is mostly hurting herself and the kids, but in ten years, the kids will be gone and may not want as much to do with her.

 

Love your kids is about all the advice I can give, do what's best for them.

 

Welcome to enotalone. Please stick around.

[robowarrior]

First thought is immediately send your 11 year old to a medical specialist, having stomache ackes all the time isn't ok. You might blame it on the divorce and all, but what if its a health problem? Or in other words something that needs to be examined by a medical professional right away.

 

What your ex-wife concerns, your divorced, block her out of your life as much as possible. Only allow your kids into your life, because as far as i see it, its your ex who makes your life miserable, so the more she is NOT in your life, the happier you become. So block her from the ordinairy phone, tell her that she can only leave voicemails on your mobile (to discourage her from calling) and maby you could get full custody of your children, which would be a lot nicer because you could block her out of your life almost 100%

[ebsmith1]

It is very possible that your child's stomach aches are being induced by all of this stress. It might not hurt to take her to a doctor to confirm this (be sure to explain the situation as unbiased as possible) and then get it in writing from the doctor. Show this to your ex-wife and if it doesn't snap her out of it, take her to court. In the mean time, take your children to a therapist who may also be able to do the same thing. Get everything documented so that if you have to go to court you have proof. If you can even record her saying these things that would be even better. I'm sorry for your children.

[fnlyfrei]

I work in an elementary school clinic....I see and have seen ALOT of kids...her stomach aches are probably most likely emotional. That is a child's number one complaint when things are not right at home. Take her to a Dr. to be sure..but from what it sounds like....her mothers behavior is giving her much stress. She most likely needs to see a counselor or you should get a guardian ad litem from the courts. Sorry you are going through this...I am getting married this summer for the second time...I hope my ex doesn't flip out.

[MathewAllan]

Thank you for the advice. What is a "guardian ad litem". I have legal custody (joint with x) while she has physical. With legal custody - I assume I can take her to a counselor without necessarily getting explicit permission from my x-wife - but I am not sure about this.

 

As to your remarriage. I wish the best for you. I never thought it would be this hard. My first marriage was a disaster (as you can guess). I was young, dumb and found someone I thought needed "saving". Guess what - I could not save her, she had issues that nothing to do with me - but I sure did a good job of standing in so that she could make them have something to do with me. The second time around I married for the right reasons - a person I love, am compatible with and who I enjoy as much as a wife as a friend and companion. It has been hard on my wife, we really did not expect this. If I can offer any advice, it would be that I hope and pray your x does not flip out and thinks about whats best for the kids instead of themselves.

[fnlyfrei]

link removed

 

This kind of explains what a guardiam ad litem is, basically...it is supposed to be a person who takes no sides in a custody case and helps decide what is in a childs best interest. If it is determined that your ex wife is making despairaging remarks about you, or psychologically abusing your children....she may have some rights taken away. Or time with the kids. My ex completely lost custody because he kept my son away from me, purposefully, and told him horrible things....even tried to make sure I did not see him on his birthday when he went out of town on a business trip...had him stay with a family he hardly knew ! The judge saw right through that. Your wifes behavior hopefully wont come to that..but her behavior even now is damaging your kids. That makes me mad.

[fnlyfrei]

sorry...EX wife....( I hate that when someone refers to my ex as my "husband"...