Q-ball Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Hey everybody, I've been going NC for about a week now. My ex and I were together off and on for about 3 years. We broke up, mostly my decicsion, in the summer. I felt held down, like I was missing out on the single life. Anyways I've grown up a little, and realized that I really love this girl. I tried for six months to get her back. It was like we were back together over this period,hugs, kisses, sex, bday gifts, except she would never say that we were. She had this issue the whole time, that she couldn't be in a relationship at the time. I know there are no other guys in her life, she always was painfully honest about them when we were apart. She mentioned that she thought the passion was fading between us. recently, I spent the weekend at her place, she goes to a different school, and the morning that I had to leave, she was loving and giving me kisses. We started fooling around a little, and when it started to heat up, she started to cry. She broke down, told me she wasn't sure if we should be doing this. She said that she loved me so much, and couldn't imagine me not in her life, but that she felt like she couldn't be romantic with me. I felt terrible seeing her so upset. She kept kissing me, and worrying about me. I left eventually, and then through emails and on the phone, she decided that we should end this. She said things like she can't do this right now, maybe this will resolve things, and maybe in the future we can try this again. Does this mean that she was unhappy with her sex life, unattracted to me, or does this sound like an emotional issue? thanks Link to comment
Beec Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 It could be any number of things. If she jsut doesn't find you attractive, then something that has changed about your behavior might have brought that on. She is going to feel attracted to you based on how you make her feel, and any number of things can affect her feelings. Your behvavior changes toward her in the past six months would be one thing I'd ask about. Another thing I would question is is she has issues with trusting you. All of these issues are emotional. 1 Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 You admit you felt she was baggage for you because you were missing out on the single life; she probably doesn't appreciate that you would drop her like that. It's most likely brought into question your commitment to the relationship. She probably questions what will happen next summer, will you dump her again for the single life? 1 Link to comment
insofar Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Yeah, my guess is that she has severe trust issues, and rightfully so (no offense). You suddenly dropped her before, who's to say you wouldn't again? Commitment has to go both ways and she probably couldn't be sure of yours. 1 Link to comment
Q-ball Posted January 31, 2007 Author Share Posted January 31, 2007 thanks for the replies, my behaviour was different since I was trying extra hard to be good to her. I was self conscious, always wondering, does she like me? I haven't really been myself since I started this Job I'm in right now. thank god I get to leave in the summer. She always told me she hated it. I don't get much time to myself(hour and a half commute), I sit on my * * * all day, and I'm stressed. I tried as hard as I could to let her know I was serious about her this time. I kept telling her that I wanted to be with her for ever. Told her I wanted to marry her someday. I thought maybe this scared her. Now that I think of it, she told me that she didn't think that I actually want to marry her because when we broke up I said that i didn't see us being together in the end. When I broke up with her then it was a quick, stupid, hormonal driven decision. How do I regain her trust, how do I get her to feel passionate about me again? Should I even be trying? we agreed not to speak for a while, but we ended on good terms, we were really sweet to eachother, I told her that she will have to make the first contact. Link to comment
breeze33 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Yeah, my guess is that she has severe trust issues, and rightfully so (no offense). You suddenly dropped her before, who's to say you wouldn't again? Commitment has to go both ways and she probably couldn't be sure of yours. was in the same situation as your gf. My ex broke up with me and I was devastated but we got back together months later. it was wonderful but there was always that nagging feeling in my head: the trust issue. My friends and family warned me: "If they do it once, they'll do it again". When I saw signs, I broke it off. I did not want to be dumped a second time. Link to comment
Mstamos Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 was in the same situation as your gf. My ex broke up with me and I was devastated but we got back together months later. it was wonderful but there was always that nagging feeling in my head: the trust issue. My friends and family warned me: "If they do it once, they'll do it again". When I saw signs, I broke it off. I did not want to be dumped a second time. EXACTLY! I went through the same scenario with my ex 3 years later after she dumped me and we got back together. I fell for it twice and I even spent alot of time just "being with her" but not romantically because she felt she couldn't be romantic with me. It's complete BS! Do not fall for this trap! Break it off for good and get on with your life. Link to comment
Q-ball Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Thank you everybody, you've made me realize a lot about this situation. I did hurt her badly in the summer, and I never fully appreciated what that must of felt like until now that it's happened to me (good ol' karma ). I first felt unbelievably sad, and then like I had failed my objective of getting her back, then I went through an angry phase, feeling like i was rejected, then the self conscious phase thinking I was bad in bed, and now the realization. I want her to be happy. That is all I care about. I will always miss her and the things we use to do together. She is an amazing person, and she taught me so much. I don't want to hurt her again. I think I was being selfish, I should have given her more space. I feel great seeing things this way now, but I just wish she didn't have such a nice booty! man I'm gonna miss that * * *. ](*,) Link to comment
Beec Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I feel great seeing things this way now, but I just wish she didn't have such a nice booty! man I'm gonna miss that * * *. ](*,) I won't disagree with the above, but when was the last time you made it clear you lusted for her booty, body, etc.? Link to comment
Q-ball Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 I won't disagree with the above, but when was the last time you made it clear you lusted for her booty, body, etc.? Oh man, she was constantly fighting to keep me off of her. She knows that I love her body, and want it every second of every day. But I see what you were thinking. I definitely let her know that I lusted for her. thanks for the reply Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 an emotional issue, for sure. Link to comment
Q-ball Posted February 2, 2007 Author Share Posted February 2, 2007 an emotional issue, for sure. Thanks, I think you might be a little biased though after my advice in "Passion, Sex , and me" Just kidding, I really appreciate your posts. Link to comment
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